[goaway]

I know who they are and i want nothing to do with them.
Thier so messed up its not even funny. bmth is a huge addict and its shameful and discusting and im basically ashamed to say that i come from that thing. At least i was born healthy so that a blessing. supposidly i have siblings and there nuts they were jail types. basically once you go to prison you belong there. bfath was messed up to. see where im going with this? yes, i was in touch with them and i felt smothered like i was being suffocated with a pillow. I thought it might be a good idea to be intouch with them but it made me relize that i definetally dont want anyone them inmy life. My bmth is a liar so are the siblings. i always fear ill be stalked by them or somthing since there out of there minds. I wish i was never in touch i let my gaurd down when i was having a difficult time and now i worry everyday ill be stalked by them. If i have to i will take drastic mesures if it comes to that but it hasnt yet so well see. plus it was my fault for getting in touch when i should have left it alone to begain with. they are the kind of people who want to make you feel sorry for them. Like you owe them somthing. They have no respect for who i am and no respect for my parents who adopted me whom i love dearly and are my family all i know as family even though we fight occaionally.

i feel this way and i wonder if theres anyone who would like to talk if they can relate?

[ukadoptee1968]

Originally Posted by goaway

I know who they are and i want nothing to do with them.
Thier so messed up its not even funny. bmth is a huge addict and its shameful and discusting and im basically ashamed to say that i come from that thing. At least i was born healthy so that a blessing. supposidly i have siblings and there nuts they were jail types. basically once you go to prison you belong there. bfath was messed up to. see where im going with this? yes, i was in touch with them and i felt smothered like i was being suffocated with a pillow. I thought it might be a good idea to be intouch with them but it made me relize that i definetally dont want anyone them inmy life. My bmth is a liar so are the siblings. i always fear ill be stalked by them or somthing since there out of there minds. I wish i was never in touch i let my gaurd down when i was having a difficult time and now i worry everyday ill be stalked by them. If i have to i will take drastic mesures if it comes to that but it hasnt yet so well see. plus it was my fault for getting in touch when i should have left it alone to begain with. they are the kind of people who want to make you feel sorry for them. Like you owe them somthing. They have no respect for who i am and no respect for my parents who adopted me whom i love dearly and are my family all i know as family even though we fight occaionally.

i feel this way and i wonder if theres anyone who would like to talk if they can relate?

Hi goaway,

I'm sorry that things are this way for you, I know that I was very very lucky!


You shouldn't feel sorry for them, their lifestyle is their choice, there could be any number of reasons why they are so messed up.

Maybe one day they'll get recovery, I am a recovering addict/alcoholic, and I know how I treated people back then when i was in active addiction, and it wasn't good.

If I had contacted my Bfamily back then, the reunion would have been horrendous, my attitude would have been like theirs I should think, totally selfish and dreadful.

I feel for you and agree the only thing you can do is to detach from them, I don't know them or what drugs they are using, but I do know from experience, that anyone in that lifestyle is far too busy with scoring , using, and getting money for their habit, to do anything else, so I doubt if they will stalk you (who knows I could be wrong) even if they made threats to, most junkies are all mouth, and the DRUGS ALWAYS COME FIRST!!!

The behaviour you have described is classic addict
behaviour.

I wish you all the best, I have just read 'The Primal Wound' by Nancy Verrier, an amazing book, It certainly helped me understand my past behaviour, and for the first time I was able to see clearly that the original separation was the trigger for my addiction.

It explained alot and validated my feelings.

Underneath it all your bfamily are wounded people, though it doesn't excuse their attitude and behaviour.

Take care,

UKadoptee1968

[ocracoke]

Goaway,

I can relate. I searched and found nearly 13 years ago. I knew my bdad was already dead. I found my bmom. She lied to me non stop. She was incapable of seeing how her actions affect other people. She was insensitive. And she was manipulative. My oldest bio sister was the same way. They asked for money all the time. I was brutally honest with them and told them. My afamily is my family. I would love to have my bfamily in my life but only if it is healthy. They were unable to do that so I cut off contact with them 12 years ago. My extended bfamily was so afraid that I would be like them (apple doesn't fall far from the tree type thing) that they cut off contact with me almost immediately. They just didn't want to be taken advantage by me like they had by them. My bmom died 3 years ago and my bsister is in prison now for multiple breaking and entering. It would be nice to have bfamily in your life -- but only if it is healthy. If it is not healthy -- get out!

Samantha

[goaway]

Hello,

thanks so much for you responce. I cant tell you how happy i am just knowing that there are other people out there who can relate!!

Wow well im really glad you got out of that situation alive! my nut case biohalfsib (whos gives me the creeps) has been in and out of jail..(nuts) i made a mistakes when at my lowest point.. i was in contact with them. i relized how bad that was b.c i was fighting with my parents at the time (who adopted me) and kinda called them controll freaks and over reacted.talk about venting to the wrong people? anywho i spoke with biosibs mate and she told me how sib got caught staling and all crimes have been violent and robbery and i just got the creeps and am glab im not around this person. a week b4 i heard this i saw a guy who looked desheveled and chain smoking the ciggerettes near my place and he just stared.. i never saw this guy before in my life. i hope i was just paranoide (told my parents) anywho he got sent to the slammer (again) what a surprise rite? and i just hope when he coems out he stays far away. kinda sad i actually hope he doesnt come out thena t least the worlds a safer place.. it was a mistake me venting to the worng people because i wouldnt want to have to deal with there stuff. my birthmo lives in a dream world she a lyng junky who has never been clean and i really never wnat to see her. i really dont wnat to ever have to worry about any of them poping by.. seeing him (at least i think it was him) i didnt want to go out for a week after that. maybe a little selfish, but like you said its not healthy for me to be in touch even though it was my fault for being in touch iwth them.. my fault iv been pannicing ever since.

did you have to obtain restraing orders..or did they just get the message on there own? How did you feel when your birthm passed? was its hard for you? Does you brithsib try to contact you still?

thnaks again!

[goaway]

ukadoptee1968,

Thanks so much for your responce so very thoughful of you. Im glad iv met another person who has been in a similure situation. yes bmothr is a junkie i dont know in detials but apperntlly she partys more then rick james.. shes just a mess..she gets govrmtn money to support habits and god nos what else. my birthsib i was told he doesnt do drugs but i dont believe it. he gives me the creeps in everyway. he sounds like a conartist..hes a liar just as she is. the last time we spoke she lied and pretended to be clean he then told me she wasnt then was arrested.. just insane drama. I feel it was my fault i open the line of communication b/c i was going through my own stuff. and it was just a bad move. i was angry with my parents who adopted me..like normal familys we get into arguments..i just vented to the wrong people in a moment of weakness. i never want to be in touch with them again. i freaked out after i thought i saw my crazy birthhalfbro b4 he got arrested. i duno *drama* they are the type of people that once you say anything...they start harrassing you..showing up..i just moved so i hope i dont have to take drasstic messures mainly because i feel guilty b/c i called them. no calls so far but i always feel like i have to look around whenever im outside...i dont know. iv made a btter life for myself with my faimly and i they make me really embarrsed and feel ashemd.. i just hope i dont ever have to deal with them again. in this case i kind of hope "drugs come first" like they have all her life... and that she goes back to her life bother her and the birthhalfbro and doesnt obsess or anything and they just almost forget i was ever in touch. ahhh the stress of there creepyness. i guess if they came around i would just have to grow some balls and say "please leave go away..never show up at my residence" yada yada they give me the creeps and i feel like i might feel bad or somthing. you know how birthfams seem to have that manipulative way of trying to move in on you even if you dont want them around or feel uncomforatble..no boundries or somthing.
all they do is lie..birthsib is a vilolent theif..((creepy nut case))

ive been told to just get restraining order so i dont even have to worry..but then i think a violent theif and crazy addict. wouldnt that just make it worse?? but see it was my fault i never should have called them. ahhh i guess i might just have to waite and see..

junkies are all mouth.. very true she never once been clean that i have none her. but its really birthhalfbro whos smothering..hes all mouth too real fast talker if you know what i mean.. creepy. everyone says if anything bad happens just call the police..and i will just get major anxiety when i think about it. hopefully im over thinking it and this will be nothing :0)

im glad your clean and you understand why you started. when you come to the end its natural to go back to the begining. I dabbled when i was younger and quicky got out of little habbits drinking/drugging with ease mostly becaues i thought of her and what she is and i dont want to be anything like her. shes the reason i never got deeply addicted to any type of drug. thats the only lesson ive ever learned from her.

goaway (not you, but i guess you get the name now) lol

[ukadoptee1968]

Hi goaway,

Thanks for your reply, a couple of things I'd like to say;

Firstly, it's not your fault they are the way they are, so
there's no need to blame yourself for wanting to contact
them in the first place.

Secondly, they lied to you, but really the only people addicts fool is themselves, they themselves are the main ones they are trying to convince. Always Remember that. If they were honest with themselves they would have to get clean, and no junkie wants to do that, until they have had enough, that is.

It's all about enabling themselves to carry on doing what they are doing, it's only in recovery that people are able to see this properly, and realise the terrible effect their behaviour has on the people around them.Because they are high most of the time, they are cut off from their feelings and emotions, so they have genuinely have no idea of how others feel around them.


I am sure they can't remember what it is like to be clean.
I have to say that for me, and all the other people I have met in recovery, the prosepect of that , at first, was utterly terrifying.

I don't know if you have ever done much research into addiction, or addicts, I'm ot trying to preach, but it may help you.

They are crazy, but take it from one who knows, being crazy IS NO FUN!!

I remember how i felt back then, the paranoia, fear, alienation, confusion, anger, hatred, self loathing, the emptiness, despair, not being able to trust anyone at all, loneliness, it'll be the same for them, the way they act, all the drama, is part of trying to avoid these feelings.

Anyway I hope you don't get any more grief from them.

I hope this has helpful to you.

Take care,
UKadoptee1968

[ocracoke]

Originally Posted by goaway

Hello,

did you have to obtain restraing orders..or did they just get the message on there own? How did you feel when your birthm passed? was its hard for you? Does you brithsib try to contact you still?

thnaks again!

Luckily, not all reunions are like yours and mine. I did not have to get a restraining order. I lived in NH at the time and my bmom lived in Indiana. So I felt safe in just cutting the contact and not having to worry about it. I was adopted with one of my bio sisters and she was not as fortunate. She lived in Florida at the time and our biomom showed up on her door. She was smart enough at the time to not let her in but did maintain contact for a while. My sister really did not see my biomom in the same light as I did. She would make excuses for her because she had had a hard life. Then my biosister (the one in prison) showed up at my sister's house in Florida last year and my sister ended up letting her move in with her. She stole from my sister and sold the goods on the street. My sister was pregnant and single at the time so she was struggling herself. When my sister found out she kicked biosister out and told her to never come back. It was soon after that that she was arrested and thrown in jail.

My sister was devastated when my biomom died. She cried for days. She wanted to pay for her funeral. She wanted to get the entire family together to mourn her. I did not. I felt like I was being a cold witch about it but I really just didn't feel sad about it. She had not been a good mom to me in my first 5 years of life and she had not been a mom at all since the age of 5. A few weeks after my biomom died my grandmother (adopted family) died. I was devastated by that. For months I would find myself bursting into tears because I looked down on my hand and saw her ring on my finger. But she had been a grandmother to me for over 30 years. She had been a part of my life. She had loved me. So I felt it was only natural to have this kind of reaction for me.

Best of luck to you.
Samantha