[amitola]

I am new to the site..i wish i had found this a few years ago..the support would have been wonderful..but its not too late..I had been searching for my birth family for over 35yrs..adopted at birth to a couple in their 40s and unfortunately..was horribly abused and neglected..ran away at 15 and again..many stories there..I would have never imagined yrs later the twist that my life would take..I became an RN and worked in psychiatry for many yrs..had a daughter of my own and when i was 50 became quite ill and decided..for closure..to hire a search agency and then put the *box* away..Within a few wks..in the matter of one call..my life changed..I had a birth mother who was dying..I had birth siblings and with that..unbearable heartache to follow..That was 4 yrs ago..since then..i moved to be closer..my mother died and just recently..the rose colored glasses came off and reality has hit..There was so much twisted pathology within these relationships it has ..in fact..just this am..ended..for now at least..I feel totally drained..I have been working so hard on my internal dialogue and healing but there comes a time..when you have done your best..that you need to just let go..Altho this journey at this moment is quite painful..there have been healing moments as well..I was not prepared for the intensity of the rollercoaster of emotion and I am grateful that i have been able to participate this long..you just never know what is around the corner..thanks for listening..

[SuddenlySusan]

There are many words to describe the reunion experience. For me, right now, at this point in time, the words that come to mind are "bittersweet" and "emotionally exhausting" but I have also experienced "healing" and "great joy" as well. It is the most intense experience in my life.

If you care to share more of your story, we are here to listen and to share our experiences with you as well. Again, welcome to the forums...

Susan
(first mother, in reunion)

[amitola]

thank you Susan..it really helps to know someone is out there..It is so difficult when the most amazing gift of siblings turns out so terribly dysfunctional..letting go is so hard..even when you know it has to be done..Are there other folks out there that have had to terminate relationships..This has been the most intense and most exhausting journey I have ever been on..and Ive had some dillys!..thanks again for your reply