[ifonlytodream]

I was up one night in April very late. I couldn't sleep so I decided to pop online and kill some time. I was on yahoo and a pop up came up and it was for some reunion site. I decided to click on it since I did after all have a daughter in 1987 that I had given up for adoption. I playfully put in the information they asked for and to my amazement there she was. She had posted looking for her birthmother. I must have read her post a hundred times. I was in total shock. I stayed up all night and decided I would call the number she had left on her post. I called at 9 am, what I figured was a respectable time. She was as shocked as I had been and of course we both cried. I set a date to meet her and her mom on May 1 2007. Me, my husband and our oldest daughter set out for the 2 hour drive to meet her and her mom. The meeting went well and we were all able to visit for about 4-5 hours. My question is this. The child I placed for adoption and I have kept in touch via e-mail several times since meeting. Her 20th birthday is in Septemeber. Do I get her something and if so, what do I buy her? I am reallt confused about what the standard is on this. I appreciate any guidance you could give me.

[julz12-13]

first off...congrats!!! do you know what she likes? has she told you something she is into? music,books,art. try to figure out. i just met my bd in july. her birthday is in december, i plan on getting her something. i even sent something w/ her to college..just b/c i wanted to. so dont feel obligated or hesitent. maybe even a delivery from cheryl's cookies would be nice. everyone LOVES cookies...and you can have them delivered. good luck!!!
julie

[sleepdeprived]

I think it is a nice idea to give something to show you were thinking of her, but I would keep it small or simple.

[jrainbow]

First of all, I don't think there are any standards or accepted etiquette in reunions.

I'm much older than your bd but also a reunited adoptee. If it were me, I would be expecting a little something. But you need to be very careful not to look like you are trying to buy her love or upstaging her amom and adad.

Maybe something the when she looks at it, she thinks of you or know that you thought of her. Maybe something you have in common. Maybe something she talks about. As long as you give from your heart, I'm sure she will receive it the same way.

Good luck.

[sal]

Congratulations on your connection to your daughter. I've been reunited for 6 years now with my bmom, bsibs, and extended bfamily...one of the nicest things my bmom gave me was a guardian angel pin with my birthstone in it...I'm quite a bit older than 20..!! but I think even at 20 I would have loved my birthstone in something from my bmom.... sal

[SuddenlySusan]

I agree that something with a birthstone would be nice. Also, perhaps a small photo album that contains pictures of you when you were around her age, pictures of her extended birthfamily, cousins, etc.

I just had my first F2F with my firstborn son and gave him a memory book. I think he really liked seeing pictures of me when I was younger, as well as all of his cousins, extended family etc.

Best wishes in your reunion

Peace,
Susan