[bmum79]

All of last week I've felt this tension building up inside of me. Why? Because I knew that it was Mother's Day in the UK on Sun 18th and, although I realistically knew what would happen, or should I say, would not happen, there was this little spark of light inside of me that I could not extinguish ..... will he acknowledge me. I tried to stay grounded but this little voice would not shut up. Oh how I hoped for that call, a card, anything.
I got nothing but silence and I'm so mad at myself for setting myself up for a disapointment, for allowing myself to get hurt. I spent most of the day fighting against my tears and the pain. Yes, I know I should not have hoped, I know he has every right not to acknowledge me, I know all of this but..... it still HURTS!!!!! I'm angry, at myself for being so stupid, for him for ignoring me (he must've known) and for everyone and anyone who was instrumental in me being at this point. Unreasonable - of course it is, I'm emotional and I'm tired of being reasonable, considerate of others,realistic, practical. I need some love,some consideration, I need to feel special.I need to be acknowledged as a mother! I need to have a good self pitying weep, I'm in pain.

[amyshaw]

(((((HUGS))))) Sit down and have a good cry, go get some chocolate, take a bubble bath, indulge in yourself. You ARE a mother! You ARE special!

[kakuehl]

My dear, I don't know your story but my advice is have that "weep." Sometimes it's the most positive release of emotions we can have. "Special days" are often the triggers for unresolved grief. Recognise that what you are experiencing is unresolved (maybe unacknowledged) grief. You are mourning the son you have and the son you don't have! I personally would do a reverse note... It's mother's Day in the UK and I was thinking of you. You can't control or change him, but you can choose how you will live your life. Have you ever had any grief counseling? Adoption, especially if we feel like we've been coerced into "choosing" adoption creates a lot of emotions that are hard to work through alone. It's ok to be angry, but what will you do with the energy of the anger? Try not to use it to beat yourself up any more!

I'm not sure I'm being very clear this morning, but I want to let you know that your cry was heard and that this is a place where we do care. I wish I could hug you in person! (feel free to IM or email me anytime.)

[cravalynn]

Hi i read your post and it is was very touching..I hope you are doing ok, i do not know your situation..But I really hope you are doing better..Chin up! This is a good place to vent, and some great support keep talking it does help..
Cravalynn

[LBaratta]

I'm sorry for your pain.
It may be small consolation to you, but have you noticed that most of us here are women? Men can be clueless about the little gestures that mean so much to
women. Your son probably needs to process your role in his life. In the meantime, don't be too tough on yourself.
You have been blessed in finding your son.

[Lillyanya]

I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm searching for my bmom.... Happy Mother's Day... You are a mom and there are plenty of adoptee's out there like myself who could wish their Bmom's happy mother's day...

Happy Mother's Day to you

[DarcysBmom]

Originally Posted by bmum79

I knew that it was Mother's Day in the UK
Oh how I hoped for that call, a card, anything.
I got nothing but silence and I'm so mad at myself for setting myself up for a disapointment, for allowing myself to get hurt. :

I've done this on Mother's Day, my birthday, her birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving and several jewish holidays. Sometimes I've done it on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, etc...

I think that Bmom's feel this on many days. It's hard not to.
We know tha tlogically it's not goin gto happen, but what if... what if this Mother's Day is the one. Wouldn't that be great.

I think we suffer wether we allow ourselves to hope for best or concede the worst. There's nothing wrong with hope.

I hope that you don't beat yourself up. What you felt it perfectly normal. At least it's normal in my world.

Have a good cry and maybe you should write about what you were feeling on that day. I find it helps to get it down on paper.

Hang in there and feel free to share.

[Jannyroo]

Originally Posted by bmum79

All of last week I've felt this tension building up inside of me. Why? Because I knew that it was Mother's Day in the UK on Sun 18th and, although I realistically knew what would happen, or should I say, would not happen, there was this little spark of light inside of me that I could not extinguish ..... will he acknowledge me. I tried to stay grounded but this little voice would not shut up. Oh how I hoped for that call, a card, anything.
I got nothing but silence and I'm so mad at myself for setting myself up for a disapointment, for allowing myself to get hurt. I spent most of the day fighting against my tears and the pain. Yes, I know I should not have hoped, I know he has every right not to acknowledge me, I know all of this but..... it still HURTS!!!!! I'm angry, at myself for being so stupid, for him for ignoring me (he must've known) and for everyone and anyone who was instrumental in me being at this point. Unreasonable - of course it is, I'm emotional and I'm tired of being reasonable, considerate of others,realistic, practical. I need some love,some consideration, I need to feel special.I need to be acknowledged as a mother! I need to have a good self pitying weep, I'm in pain.

How are you now? Its some time since you posted?