[lauralee3]

My open-hearted search for my adopted birth sister has come to a grinding halt after I've had to accept the fact that she has no interest in meeting me. As an "only child" with deceased parents, I can't tell you how much this stinks.

I've always assumed that adopted persons are the ones looking and potentially facing rejection, but the sad truth is, it works both ways. No matter how much we wish otherwise, adopted people don't always want to be found.

But I have learned so much from perusing this site for the past few years, and for that I am grateful. The many stories that I have read, both good and bad, have touched me; and will always be a part of who I am.

Continued success to those who have successfully reunited and a word of caution to those still searching. God bless you all.

[Mandie moo]

Originally Posted by lauralee3

My open-hearted search for my adopted birth sister has come to a grinding halt after I've had to accept the fact that she has no interest in meeting me. As an "only child" with deceased parents, I can't tell you how much this stinks.

I've always assumed that adopted persons are the ones looking and potentially facing rejection, but the sad truth is, it works both ways. No matter how much we wish otherwise, adopted people don't always want to be found.

But I have learned so much from perusing this site for the past few years, and for that I am grateful. The many stories that I have read, both good and bad, have touched me; and will always be a part of who I am.

Continued success to those who have successfully reunited and a word of caution to those still searching. God bless you all.

Lauralee3,
I am sorry to hear that your bsister doesn't want contact, but things could change in the future. Its known to happen for many. Most often shock at being found or situations in ones personal life happening to cause refusal.
Did you get to write her a letter at all?. Maybe leave your own contact info incase she changes her mind, so many eventually realise they are ready to explore their birth history and if she doesn't then take comfort in knowing that she does know that you are interested. There are usually a small few who do not want to make contact, while many do want it, but are unaware of it.

I understand that it is sad and hurtful to be rejected, but we all have to try to remember that its not us personally being rejected. How often do we hear about the fears of others.
You've done what you set out to do, you found her, you did very well.
Try to see this in a different light, right now you both are strangers who might have made a great connection, if you had met under different circumstances but because the timing wasn't right, for one of you,or it wasn't meant to happen at all.
I think I'm trying to say that we may have to tell ourselves that its ok if one does not feel the same way as we do. Of course when we are geneticaly connected it is not as easy to do this, but it is less painful to do our best to try. Explaining myself doesn't seem to be easy right now.
Hugs
mm

[rhull22]

I am sorry to hear that your sister is not interested in contact. As someone who is in the same position as your sister, I second the idea to send her a letter that she can keep and if she chooses, get ahold of you on her own time. I would suggest getting a free email account-gmail, yahoo, etc.... that will not change if you should move. I was contacted by my sister just last week. I can understand some of the apprehension your sister may be feeling. It's nothing to do with you and more to do with her having to change her thought process and figure out where this new person fits in to her life. It's a lot to take in, especially if she never intended to make contact, or was curious but not sure how to proceed. I know I've had questions but every time I considered it I never made contact and I easily could have. SO it was a huge shock when she called. She is all happy and let's meet tomorrow and I am more hesitant. I guess I'm just saying hugs to you, don't be discouraged, there is still a small chance

[lauralee3]

Thanks for the encouraging words...really. I've sent several letters going back over 2 years ago and no response. All my contact information was included. A few months ago, I had the good fortune to speak with someone who knows my birth sister (although not in daily contact) and she acknowledged that she received the letters. So if she's received the letters, knows who I am and doesn't respond...what can I do?

I'm not one to go knocking on doors (as I wouldn't want someone to do to me), but yes, I can wait, for her to warm up to the idea that she has an interested birth sibling out there, but after 2+ years of waiting, I don't hold out much hope. As a very empathetic person, I really don't understand her stance on this, but I respect her decision.

Emotionally, it's easier to place this episode in the "done" file in my head, than it is to hold out hope of contact. It really does take two to tango, as they say.

[rhull22]

Originally Posted by lauralee3

Thanks for the encouraging words...really. I've sent several letters going back over 2 years ago and no response. All my contact information was included. A few months ago, I had the good fortune to speak with someone who knows my birth sister (although not in daily contact) and she acknowledged that she received the letters. So if she's received the letters, knows who I am and doesn't respond...what can I do?

I'm not one to go knocking on doors (as I wouldn't want someone to do to me), but yes, I can wait, for her to warm up to the idea that she has an interested birth sibling out there, but after 2+ years of waiting, I don't hold out much hope. As a very empathetic person, I really don't understand her stance on this, but I respect her decision.

Emotionally, it's easier to place this episode in the "done" file in my head, than it is to hold out hope of contact. It really does take two to tango, as they say.

Sorry, I didn't realize it had been two years.

I know in my case I had made up my mind that if my "father" couldn't be bothered for this long, neither could I. But when my sister contacted me, I was a little weirded out at first, but when I thought about it I realized that she had about as much to do with it as I did. In other words, it wasn't her fault any more than it was mine. It's still a bit awkward (sp?) and she is definitely in a better place with the whole thing than I am, since she's had time to deal with it and process it on her own schedule. I hope that at some point your sister comes around.

[rhull22]

Originally Posted by lauralee3

Thanks for the encouraging words...really. I've sent several letters going back over 2 years ago and no response. All my contact information was included. A few months ago, I had the good fortune to speak with someone who knows my birth sister (although not in daily contact) and she acknowledged that she received the letters. So if she's received the letters, knows who I am and doesn't respond...what can I do?

I'm not one to go knocking on doors (as I wouldn't want someone to do to me), but yes, I can wait, for her to warm up to the idea that she has an interested birth sibling out there, but after 2+ years of waiting, I don't hold out much hope. As a very empathetic person, I really don't understand her stance on this, but I respect her decision.

Emotionally, it's easier to place this episode in the "done" file in my head, than it is to hold out hope of contact. It really does take two to tango, as they say.

Sorry, I didn't realize it had been two years.

I know in my case I had made up my mind that if my "father" couldn't be bothered for this long, neither could I. But when my sister contacted me, I was a little weirded out at first, but when I thought about it I realized that she had about as much to do with it as I did. In other words, it wasn't her fault any more than it was mine. It's still a bit awkward (sp?) and she is definitely in a better place with the whole thing than I am, since she's had time to deal with it and process it on her own schedule. I hope that at some point your sister comes around.

[rhull22]

Originally Posted by lauralee3

Thanks for the encouraging words...really. I've sent several letters going back over 2 years ago and no response. All my contact information was included. A few months ago, I had the good fortune to speak with someone who knows my birth sister (although not in daily contact) and she acknowledged that she received the letters. So if she's received the letters, knows who I am and doesn't respond...what can I do?

I'm not one to go knocking on doors (as I wouldn't want someone to do to me), but yes, I can wait, for her to warm up to the idea that she has an interested birth sibling out there, but after 2+ years of waiting, I don't hold out much hope. As a very empathetic person, I really don't understand her stance on this, but I respect her decision.

Emotionally, it's easier to place this episode in the "done" file in my head, than it is to hold out hope of contact. It really does take two to tango, as they say.

Sorry, I didn't realize it had been two years.

I know in my case I had made up my mind that if my "father" couldn't be bothered for this long, neither could I. But when my sister contacted me, I was a little weirded out at first, but when I thought about it I realized that she had about as much to do with it as I did. In other words, it wasn't her fault any more than it was mine. It's still a bit awkward (sp?) and she is definitely in a better place with the whole thing than I am, since she's had time to deal with it and process it on her own schedule. I hope that at some point your sister comes around.

[heidibay66]

I am a female adoptee and I just have to tell you that it is much easier for whoever is looking for me to find my adoptive mother or another relative. If it was me you were looking for and you got ahold of any other members of my family, they would lie. My adoptive mother does not want me to find my family and has told me lies my whole life and now plays dumb. I have another brother who is also adopted, not related to me, except by adoption and she has him so brainwashed into thinking that he would have no life without her that he never wants to find his parents. He even found his original birth certificate with his birth-parents and he still doesn't want to know. She tries to block me at every turn. So my advice to anyone who searchs or who waits for the letter back, don't give up until you hear it from the horses mouth. I cry all the time because it seems like no on wants to find me and my adoptive mother knows it and, eventhough I am 40 years old, she still tells me I would have no life without her and that no one else wants me. Don't give up until you hear it from her, cause if you showed here at my house, even after my someone else told you I wanted no contact, I would fall to my knees at you feet and thank God for getting you to me. You would be welcomed with open arms, you are my family, a part of me and neither time nor adoprive families will ever change that. Have faith, adoptees out here want to be found.

[Mandie moo]

[i][b]

Originally Posted by heidibay66

I am a female adoptee and I just have to tell you that it is much easier for whoever is looking for me to find my adoptive mother or another relative. If it was me you were looking for and you got ahold of any other members of my family, they would lie. My adoptive mother does not want me to find my family and has told me lies my whole life and now plays dumb. I have another brother who is also adopted, not related to me, except by adoption and she has him so brainwashed into thinking that he would have no life without her that he never wants to find his parents. He even found his original birth certificate with his birth-parents and he still doesn't want to know. She tries to block me at every turn. So my advice to anyone who searchs or who waits for the letter back, don't give up until you hear it from the horses mouth. I cry all the time because it seems like no on wants to find me and my adoptive mother knows it and, eventhough I am 40 years old, she still tells me I would have no life without her and that no one else wants me. Don't give up until you hear it from her, cause if you showed here at my house, even after my someone else told you I wanted no contact, I would fall to my knees at you feet and thank God for getting you to me. You would be welcomed with open arms, you are my family, a part of me and neither time nor adoprive families will ever change that. Have faith, adoptees out here want to be found.

Hi Hideibaby66
Seems to me, that your adoptive mother's insecurities and cruelity will not stand in the way of your searching.

Have you contacted the agencey who handeled your adoption? Have you posted your birth information, so that others may help you with your search?
Your adoptive brother may change his mind in time, many do.

Wishing you great success in finding your original mother or other family members.
mm

[cawb052]

i to contact and found my birth sister and birth brother all of us were put up for adoption plus 2 more that i have not found yet. like you nither my brother or sister wanted contact. it was very hard for me to understand i was a victim of the system just like them but for some reason they felt that if they accepted me that would change who they were. i did get over it and contuie to look for the other 2 i would accept all of them if they werer to find me.sometimes i wonder why i was the one to find out about they knew nothing about me or that i even excsited. i hope your sister will have a change of heart someday as mine will god bless and good luck
christine

[Liesl73]

I have been waiting 18 years to meet my birth mom. We have been in contact via e-mail and sms, nothing more. As soon as I sense that she is getting a little uncomfortable I would back of, give her some space and contact her some time later again. She has always been willing to consider meeting with me, never committing to anything. Just recently she has indicated that she cannot do it ...she doesn't want to and can't give me any reasons. This broke my heart, after 18 years of waiting and hoping! How do I deal with this? I once again feel completely rejected and unworthy of any affection, acceptance and love. Life is so short, why not make right while you can?

[snuffie]

Aw, I can imagine how you are feeling because it happened to me too. My bmom rejected meeting me and I had waited and searched for many, many years. I was devastated for a long time. I cried my eyes out.

Please realize that your bmom is not rejecting YOU. She is more than likely rejecting having to deal with feelings, emotions and memories. Everyone is worthy of affection, acceptance and love. I do remember feeling as you do, but then I realized that I had so many more people in my life who love me.

Years after my bmom refused contact from me, I reunited with my brothers and sisters. (My bmom had passed away by then.) And one of them told me that she had always had a doll on her bed that she had named "Rachel". That was the name she had given me at birth. When one of my sisters would try to play with "Rachel" my bmom would run from the room sobbing. So she always did think about me. And I found out later that there were things going on in her life at the time that I had initially found her that prevented her from meeting with me.

A lot of us here have been where you are right now. So we do understand.

Snuffie

[Liesl73]

[Liesl73]

I am having a very difficult dealing with the fact that my birth mom is rejecting me, once again. I can't find closure about certain things, I don't know anything about my past, not even where I was born. I feel alone, lost and confused. I have never judged her and never will, there are just certain things that I feel I deserve to know. Am I being selfish?

[chantel18]

I am new to this site and I have had a similar experience.My bmom and I spoke twice on the phone and she never called again after that.I don't have her number I contacted her through relatives.I also contacted my siblings and they say it's her wish we don't speak.My heart feels like it will never heal.We are not criminals we are their children.Poeple act as If I am doing something wrong wondering about my past.My favorite thing is when they say "How did you find me?"