[Gwen Berndt]

Suddenly Susan,
Thank you so much for your beautiful post. It's very helpful to read your point of view, especially since I was born in 1971 like your son.

[Liesl73]

Hi Gwen,
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with me. I have found myself and this crossroad so many times in my life, I come to the conlusion that moveing on and excepting the fact that I will probably never meet with her is the best thing to do. BUT then there is something inside of me that just can't seem to move on. Not sure if I'm busy going crazy but my thoughts about her and where I come from etc never goes away, it stays with me every minute of every day!
I have a wonderful husband who supports me every step of the way, two beautiful children whom I treasure!! Maybe having your own kids makes this even more difficult?
I am in the process of finding "The girls who went away" and can't wait to start reading it.
There is such confusion in my heart about what I should do, should I just take the chance and go to her or should I try harder to make peace with all of this? I don't have a photo of her, I have asked her on a number of occasions to send me one but she never has. Not sure why, whenever I question her about things she never seems to give me a direct answer, always sort of backs away from the issue. I don't want to put to much pressure on her, in fact, I only want her to see that I am ok, I've got a beautiful family, wonderful parents, great friends, my life has turned out just fine. I would love for her to be proud of me .... knowing that there is so much love, forgiveness, respect, understanding and compassion towards her. That's all!
Love Liesl

[Gwen Berndt]

Hi Liesl,
I think that it would be healthy for you to work towards accepting that you can't make her be more willing to enter into this reunion with you. Accepting doesn't mean forgetting or moving on; it simply means that you are acknowledging and accepting the situation as it exists today. It may change in the future - after she's had some time to deal with her issues. Reading "The Girls Who Went Away" will help you understand what her issues could be. I know it's really really hard to accept the situation - I've been struggling with it for months now. But there's always hope for the future!

Also, I know you said you just want her to know you're okay, healthy and happy. But, if you're anything like me, I bet you also want to know that she is okay and handling all of this well. I certainly want to know that my bmom is okay, and in addition, I simply want to know her.

This all seems pretty unfair sometimes, doesn't it?

[Liesl73]

Gwen, you have got no idea how much it means to be able to talk to somebody who understands exactly what all of this feels like. Although my husband is very understanding and supportive there are just certain emotions that are so difficult to explain. I am really trying my best to except that for now, this is how it's going to be, although in my heart I hope and pray that it will change soon. You are absolutely right, I would love to be able to stand in front of her and tell her that she does not have to carry this heavy burden anymore, life's to short for that! Why don't we make right what we can when we have the opportunity to do so, why wait?

[Gwen Berndt]

Hi Liesl,

Yes, it really does feel great to know there are kindred spirits out there who understand. This website is GREAT for that.

I have one friend who sort of understands, she's had lots of family members (cousins) who were adopted and who have adopted kids, so she's heard all of this before. But I don't talk to her every day, and I'd hate to dump all these strong emotions on her anyhow.

My hubby is also very compassionate and he tries to understand the situation, but doesn't quite get why this is all such a big deal to me. I ended up crying in a nice French bistro restaurant over dinner last night, while trying to explain my feelings to him. Kind of embarrassing, but he was very sweet about it.

Still, there's nothing like talking about it with someone who is in the same boat. ((hug)) Hang in there. I hope she'll come around soon. Heck, I hope my bmom comes around soon, too.

[Gwen Berndt]

Oh, and Liesl - you know what my mantra is these days?

The Truth Will Set You Free.

I wish my bmom felt that way, too...