[snuffie]

Hi All!
I've been in reunion for 6 years and it has been awesome.
My arelatives seem to be understanding and happy for me and so did my adoptive parents friends. But the other day I met one of the friends at the mall while I was shopping and in the course of the conversation told her that I had just talked with my sister the other night. She said "Oh, is that still going on?" (meaning the reunion) I was really surprised by her disapproving tone of voice as she had seemed so happy for me a few years ago and wanted me to bring pictures over so that she could see what my birthfamily looked like.
Oh yeah. I know I should have grown thick skin by now but it did bother me a bit.

Snuffie

[lfaithr]

I would just take the stance that you want to educate her and other people who make comments like that. Say, "Yes, reunion is something that rarely ever ends."

[amyshaw]

My first response would have been "Of course it's still going on. Is there a time-limit to family? I hadn't realized."

[snuffie]

Good answers! I wish I would have thought of them.

[Mil]

She said "Oh, is that still going on?" (meaning the reunion)

I had someone say the same thing to me a few years ago. What did they expect - that you're gonna meet your birthfamily just to say hello, see what they look like and then go on your merry way??? I couldn't even imagine giving up my relationship with my son now that I have a relationship with him! He's my son. I won't give him up again!

People can be so insensitive.

[irisheyes33]

I've heard a few insensitive remarks myself...things like "oh, it's too bad you felt like you had to search...you should be more grateful for your parents", "you're lucky your birthmother wasn't a drug addict" and a few more textbook moments. Unfortunately, I am usually too blown away at the time to come back with a decent response.

Luckily for my birthmom, she has yet to have received ANY insensitive feedback when she tells someone about me or our relationship. And she's told a lot of people in two years.

[lfaithr]

Yeah, do you all agree -- it's just so hard to find the words to explain to people why the "you should be grateful/your mom could have been an addict" comments are inappropriate. People either get it or they don't. Most unfortunately do not, including my a-family.

[snuffie]

It really amazes me how insensitive people can be! Thank goodness they are in the minority! I really try not to let those kinds of things bother me and for the most part I've come to terms with my need to search and the happiness of my reunion. But being a person who wants to make everyone "love" me all of the time (a symptom of an adoptee??) they do hurt and anger me.