[lfaithr]

Well... my year of working with a CI is coming towards a close. She found my birthmother and she and I exchanged one letter each. She wants no more contact with me. Fine, I've dealt with that.

Then it took 3 months to find birthfather. Yesterday my CI talked to him and she told me today that she thinks he's a really great guy, and that I am lucky. He's one of the rare good ones, however he didn't know I existed, so wanted a letter and pictures to go through my CI, and he would either go through my CI to respond, or would contact me directly. So we sent him an email today.

And now I wait. tick tock tick tock.... I can't concentrate!

The hardest part is that I know who he is. I had a partial name and wound up figuring the rest out on my own. My CI made me promise I wouldn't stalk him or call him or anything, so I sit waiting...

[amyshaw]

Congrats! While the waiting is hard, it can be sooo rewarding, kinda like Christmas, lol! Hang in there!

[SuddenlySusan]

I could hardly sleep during the first several days it took to confirm identities between my bson and myself. Then, I could hardly sleep during the next several weeks of initial email letters and exchange of stories. Now, after two months, I can get a little rest, but it's still exciting.

Congratulations on finding your bfather! Hope all goes well for you. (Sorry to hear about your bmom, though.)

Peace,
Susan

[rainmon]

yes patience should be your best friend right now.
let him have the time he needs in take this all in, and you will be glad you did. take things very slow.
when things move too fast....it can get messy.

[lfaithr]

Yeah you know what? He didn't even know I existed until a few days ago. So I gather he has more to let "sink in" that many other people would. I hope he's ok and that I didn't upset him or his family. But I did go about things as discreetly as possible, so I hope I won brownie points there.

[lfaithr]

He responded! Said he's in shock and wants to let himself and his wife adjust for a little while, and they he'll let my intermediary know when or if he's ready to move on. He then also answered some of my health questions, so that was great.

For some reason I feel a little crushed. I was hoping for the best while not preparing myself for anything else. I wanted him to call me.

[rainmon]

I can understand why you are crushed...as even I feel a let down for you so I know it must hurt.wow! but like you said....its gotta be such a shock for them right now. and niether of us has gone through anything like that. so it will take time for them to know how they feel about this.a lot of soul searching and heart to heart talks.... and if they are the kind of people that you even
" want " in your life then they will get back to you. and if you are the kind of person that would respect what he is going throughright now, then you will give him lots of time. and your patience will be noticed ....and that will convey to them that you respect their life and marriage.
are your adopted parents still in your life?
do you have a good support network to help you through this right now?

[lfaithr]

i'm ok waiting now. i am satisfied knowing who he is. i'm 5 months pregnant so have another distraction to get my mind off bfather anyway.

my adoptive parents, who are great, unfortunately are not supportive on this issue. so they are not in my support network. fortunately, my husband and his brother's wife are being really awesome and they've helped me be much more patient! (i know where bfather lives and he's only 20 minutes away, but i have NOT driven by his house! Success!)

[mn125]

lfaithr,

maryland has some great groups that are pretty active with search and adoption (reunion) support. I'd be glad to pass that info on to you....

[rainmon]

wow! a baby....yes! now that will keep you busy alright....Congratulations!
will this be your first?
this can be an emotional time for you hormone wise I think, and maybe it could be a good time out for you.......as well as them.....to be thinking things over, while you prepare for your little one. and it sounds like with a-Mom not being real thrilled with it anyway....it really does sound like it could just be a good time to just let things rest.
These reunions are very powerful things emotionally.... and you don't need all that right now....and it may be a good time to just keep things mellow & simple for now. you have enough going on and it actually would be even better if the reunion happened a little further down the road......
but thats just my opinion.
I'm so glad you have some family around that support you, and I'm glad you are staying strong not to knock on his door....
just don't do it. I'm telling you as a birth-fathers wife.... (IMO) I don't think it would be well recieved at all at this time and you could regret doing it forever. so stay steady in your patience & hopes for a positive future. I really like that Butterfly story....about if you pursue the Butterfly... it will not come to you.. .but if you just sit still & let it stay free...it just might land on you when you least expect it to and surprise you...

[lfaithr]

Yes, this is my first baby!

In the meantime I've found my half b-sister on the web and I feel like such a stalker. I"ve downloaded about 50 pictures of her off her friends' blogs/facebook/myspace/webshots pages and I never expected this but I feel a tug on my heart when i see these photos. She looks like me!

[lfaithr]

oh and don't worry. i would never have the nerve to knock on his door. that's a really selfish thing to do.