[kharma1130]

After 2 years of reunion with my bson and being on this emotionally draining roller coaster, I have finally decided it's time to get off the ride. No more checking my email 10 times a day, no more waiting endless days for him to call, no more obsessing about him 24/7. I love him very much and my heart will always be open to him but the ball is in his court now. It's just too exhausting. The day he contacted me was the happiest day of my life and I'm glad that he did. I know that he is well, he has wonderful aparents and he has given me 3 beautiful grandchildren. I just want him to be happy. But I need to be happy too. For my husband and my other children. No more pain, guilt, depression, anger or frustration. I hope that he will continue to allow me to be a small part of his life, but if not, that's fine too. At least I know he's OK. And now, after 38 years, so am I. Thank God!

[josh1788smom]

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Best wishes coming your way

Most days, I think adoption sucks!

[kharma1130]

josh1788smom-thanks for your response. It's nice to know that somebody understands.

[josh1788smom]

We're all here for you. Come in any time to vent or whatever you need to do.

[bmum79]

Kharma1130, congratulations on reaching this point in your reunion. I think that sometimes we forget that there are 2 people (adults) in a reunion, especially where bsons are concerned. I'm still at the stage where I'm terrified that if I don't maintain regular contact with my bson, I'll lose him - again and I'm not ready to relinquish that bit of control that I do have ie contact. I keep on feeling that this is about him and forget about me and I admire you for taking back some control of your life. Good luck

[bmum79]

Most days, I think adoption sucks!

I'm with you on that sentiment. The older I get and the more involved I become, the more I realise that adoption is not the answer to a 'mistake'.

[josh1788smom]

Amen sister. It flaborgasts me that girls are still manipulated into that situation - especially in this day in age. I'm with you. I have never thought or worried about a relationship as much as this one (the one with bson).

[kharma1130]

Originally Posted by bmum79

Kharma1130, congratulations on reaching this point in your reunion. I think that sometimes we forget that there are 2 people (adults) in a reunion, especially where bsons are concerned. I'm still at the stage where I'm terrified that if I don't maintain regular contact with my bson, I'll lose him - again and I'm not ready to relinquish that bit of control that I do have ie contact. I keep on feeling that this is about him and forget about me and I admire you for taking back some control of your life. Good luck

Thanks, bmum79 for your support. I, too am terrified of losing my bson again. But finally I realized that I can't lose what I don't really have. I am focusing on what I do have. Our reunion is not what I had yearned for but it's better than nothing!

[bmum79]

For me, if all should go south, I've got out of this the one thing I really wanted to know and hungered for all these years ..... information! No-one can take that away from me.
Again, if all goes south I know that I can reach him if I need to. I keep on reminding myself that everything over and above what I've got is a blessing (I don't always believe it) and, like you, should I get to the stage where it's not working for me and I know that I've done as much as I could to build this relationship, I'll also have to look at moving on. The way I look at it ....... this time, I would be better prepared to say goodbye ..... because I've finally said hello. How can you say goodbye to someone when you've never said hello? I hope that I do not reach the point where you're at and I feel so for you but I do admire and respect your courage.

[kharma1130]

This is very strange. Since I've made the decision to leave it up to my bson to take the inititave to contact me, he actually has, on a pretty regular basis. Pretty wonderful!

[bmum79]

Wonderful to hear that. Maybe we're at fault sometimes for doing and giving too much and now that you've backed off a little he's realised that he doesn't want to lose you and had better make an effort! Men!!!!!!

[rainmon]

Yes I have been on that same roller coaster ride as you.......I was just so happy for this reunion and I guess I have tried soo hard to keep everyone happy and feeling loved that I must have just got obsessed with it all....and have gotten so hurt over it all .....and now have decided that I have to get off that roller coaster too....since everyone else that was on it with me has, and I find I was the only one still on it , but I have been so afraid to see it end I guess. now I have no idea what will happen and it is a bit scary, but as of now..I have decided..it is out of my hands.
I am now off that roller coaster too.

[kharma1130]

rainmom, Congratulations! It's great to be grounded again. A really big decision for you but trust me, it's worth it. We can only do so much. Wishing you all the best! Good luck!

[Kiti69]

I have been in reunion for five years with my bson and my emotions have gone from sheer euphoria to deep and utter sadness. I think I too made myself to available and to willing to please for fear of loosing him. I felt alone and looked everywhere for help, but it wasn't until I found this forum and especially when I read kharma1130's post that I knew I had come to the right place.
I needed to tell my story and I e-mailed kharma1130 with basically what has happened over the last five years...I think it will probably take her a couple of days to read it. Now that I have made the decision to step of the roller coaster ride I feel I have a chance to get on with my life instead of being stuck in limbo. I feel a bit sad about my decision but I know it is the right one not just for me but for the rest of my family. Thanks!!!!

[Mandie moo]

Hello,
Just wanted to say that I too am no longer on the roller coaster. After very little contact in just over three years. In these past few months I can actually feel the weight lift off my shoulders. As one mother has said, we can only do so much. I've never yet seen a successful one sided relationship grow, but sour.
Best wishes to all who've survived the ride.
mm

.

Originally Posted by Kiti69

I have been in reunion for five years with my bson and my emotions have gone from sheer euphoria to deep and utter sadness. I think I too made myself to available and to willing to please for fear of loosing him. I felt alone and looked everywhere for help, but it wasn't until I found this forum and especially when I read kharma1130's post that I knew I had come to the right place.
I needed to tell my story and I e-mailed kharma1130 with basically what has happened over the last five years...I think it will probably take her a couple of days to read it. Now that I have made the decision to step of the roller coaster ride I feel I have a chance to get on with my life instead of being stuck in limbo. I feel a bit sad about my decision but I know it is the right one not just for me but for the rest of my family. Thanks!!!!