[mom of 2]

I finally found my 21 year old son,I was over the moon.I found out I also was a grandmother to a 3month old baby girl. I excitedely wrote him a letter .The only address I had was his adoptive parent's so I sent him a letter there .I sent pictures and I also mailed his adopted parent's a card letting them know that I did not want to take there place .i just wanted to be available to my b son on whatever level I could.I have not heard one thing from any one. I then overnighted a letter to my son at his home,as I had begun to doubt the adopted parents even gave him the letters.Still nothing. I have his work number and it is all I can bare to not call him. I want to call the adopted parents and say,How could you guys not even acknowledge my letter. I am sooo sad. i may have been over zealous with the overnight express letter.But ,I just am that type of person.When I found my birth mom ,we called and talked immediately ,I was thrilled.My bson being an only child I thought he would be thrilled to see pictures of his birth sister who looks just like him. I am freaking and of course I have no one to talk to ,as my adopted family and husband were being really unsupportive that I was just looking for him...I am also burning angry at his adopted family,they are in their 50's ..where is the maturity HELP

[josh1788smom]

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Let's think positive thoughts, though. Perhaps, he is just trying to digest all the information, and formulate his thoughts. Aparents actions continue to allude me. I have gained some insight on the Adoptive Parents forum on this site. It has helped me not have all the selfish thoughts I have, although it is easy to be empathetic to other people not involved in breaking your heart. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully, in time, you will have the connection you desire.

[mom of 2]

I am being wildly selfish,I can see that when I step outside myself.I just do not seem able to control my emotions ,right now. Thanks for your words.

[Jackiejdajda]

Originally Posted by mom of 2

I am being wildly selfish,I can see that when I step outside myself.I just do not seem able to control my emotions ,right now. Thanks for your words.

My reunion with my bson taught me patience.. Who knows what is going on in their neck of the woods..

I say.. stay out of the negative thinking.. and try to see what is really going on..

You got the rest of your life to sort this..

Jackie

[Jan18]

He's probably got a lot on his plate right now. A three month old can keep you plenty busy, and tired!!! Maybe he is overwhelmed right now and just trying to sort things out? Give him some more time.

[thediva320]

Okay okay. First things first, take a deep breath. Done with that? Okay....Do you know for sure that his aparents DID NOT give him the letter? Don't jump to conclusions. How old was he when he was adopted? Would it be possible that he was never told? If he was told, how much was he told? I agree with the other posts, he's got a 3 month old child. That's a ride in and of itself. Also remember, he's a male. They usually have a harder time handling emotional things like this. Not saying females don't, but males aren't typically "built" to be emotional. Adoption, reunion, searching....it is all about patience. Waiting. He may not be ready right now. He might be ready, but not sure what to say. And then juggling a new baby....it's tough. Just sit back, take a deep breath. NO MORE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!!!! And let things happen. I'd say if still no word in a month, write him again. But take it one day at a time.

[mom of 2]

I called the adoptive parents. She told me he has not had an easy life but was doing great and they had given him the letter.She also told me alot of info about him in the past.She told me he had an identity now and really did not need me ,he felt like I was an old girlfrien or boyfriend showing up on the scene and what did I want now. I got off the phone and cried and cried,I know I should have kept him .After he was placed they said he wouldn't take the bottle and it gotr to the point they were about to give him growth hormones .Finally she said they switched toi a glass bottle and he was better.She also had him diagnosed with adhd at 2????!!!He was on meds until 14 ,I am in some kind of shock right now. My baby

[healingfeeling]

mom of 2,

i'm so sorry that the phone call didn't give you better news....

She told me he had an identity now and really did not need me ,he felt like I was an old girlfrien or boyfriend showing up on the scene and what did I want now.

some people do feel this way...when i wanted to contact my father my mother thought it was weird because it was her ex-boyfriend and that would be like her haning around one of her mother's ex-boyfriends.. hopefully this is NOT his thinking and its more of what his a-mother's thinking is...once he gets his mind wrapped around this I hope he'll reconsider. 21 year old men are often very YOUNG still compared to women.

i hope you can rest tonight, i'm thinking of you.

((((HUGS)))) HF

[mom of 2]

I called the adoptive parents. She told me he has not had an easy life but was doing great and they had given him the letter.She also told me alot of info about him in the past.She told me he had an identity now and really did not need me ,he felt like I was an old girlfrien or boyfriend showing up on the scene and what did I want now. I got off the phone and cried and cried,I know I should have kept him .After he was placed they said he wouldn't take the bottle and it gotr to the point they were about to give him growth hormones .Finally she said they switched toi a glass bottle and he was better.She also had him diagnosed with adhd at 2????!!!He was on meds until 14 ,I am in some kind of shock right now. My baby

[Jackiejdajda]

Mom of 2

All this is not bad news.. You know he is okay and you have connected with him..
Who knows what the future will bring.. Who knows how he will think a few days or months from now..

I am so sorry you had to hear what you had to hear..
This must be terribly painful for you..

Jackie

[mom of 2]

I just feel helpless,thanks for the support. I need it right now,I just don't understand if he has had so many issues around being adopted why not be more willing to at least talk to me???His adopted mom really did not want me to know i had a birth grandaughter. I guess I kind of expected her to say ,Hey ,Can I send you a picture of Daniel or the baby. I just don't understand

[Kelly125]

I have seen on many search sites the term roller coaster ride of a life time. I guess thats what you are going through. I think the searcher has a lot more time to think about the reunion, and the one being searched is more shocked at first. Maybe, he never expected you to initiate the search. I am an adoptee and my a/parents would not be very helpful. They feel threatened and have a sense of wonder as to why I would want contact. I think time is what your son really needs. Just knowing that you want contact is in his mind.
Kelly

[mom of 2]

Thanks, I don't understand adopted parents not being more curious about genetic backgrounds,ect. I am praying that I am not forever lost to my son and that my actions 21 years ago are beyond repair

[dmca]

What will you do, if this is all there is? Do you have a plan on how to go on? Do you have support from others such as family/good friends?
It does appear that your son has a good family that cares for him deeply. That's a blessing, so you don't have to worry about his welfare.
When I thought of my bdaughter, I always wondered if she was alive,happy, cherished as a daughter etc. same as every other natal mother does.
I knew that if she never wanted contact with me it was because she was so secure as a daughter and part of a family, but, then, what to do with the guilt and pain that I had? Have you ever had counsilling?
I'm very concerned for you pain and your wellbeing and I only wish the best for you.
dmca

[mom of 2]

I do worry about him,because his family is in denial about the reality of an adoptees need to know his heritage.My son had most of his problems growing up because he suffered the trauma of adoption. I would feel better if his mothe had asked even one question about me during the whole conversation.She refused to even let me comment on the similiarities between Daniel and his sister. She did not even ask me what I did for a living.It was surreal,like she was delivering a report and then rushed me off the phone,saying she hoped what she had to tell me helped.Good bye ...My plan is to love the one daughter I have ,pray that my son realizes I walked through the fire of my past pain and shame to come for him in whatever way he needed as soon as I legally could.He is 21,I hope someday that will heal the wounds my abondining him left. I actually don't have much support,I am taking this one breath at a time.