[moose1908]

I am looking for help as to where i can i find support. I have not been adopted but i am meeting my father for the first time(well supposed to be) later this yr.

The only sites I can find with forums to chat and things is adoption ones. Can anyone help? As u can imagine i am getting a tad stressed and wound up and each day is getting worse and feel it would helpful to chat to people who have been through this.

Many Thanks

[kune]

Moose
I guess I can understand the stress and anxiety that comes with meeting someone you are connected to in an intimate way but have no knowledge of. I'm a birthmom of a 36 yr old son and met him 4 years ago after placing him for adoption as a newborn.

How do two relative strangers meet and get to know each other? Slowly would be my best advice. In many ways we are the result of the environment we were bought up in, and in your case, I presume your mother had a relationship with your bfather as a young man. If she cared for him then, I am sure he is a nice person today. Be yourself - don't try to be what you "think" he wants you to be - he's meeting his birthchild and that's probably something he has wanted to do for years. No need for you to be beautiful and successful - you only need to be you. If you are worried, take someone else along with you. They can be your back=up if something feels amiss, but if everything is sweet they can take a walk so you can spend some one-on-one time together.

Take deep breathes.....think of all your special characteristics and traits and see if there are matches- he'll be just as nervous ........so take it one day at a time, and keep it simple. Reunion is no time for dramas or operas. Be compassionate and respectful and at the end of the meeting you will know you handled yourself with dignity and him with kindness.

Good luck Moose.....I remember how hard it was trying to guess how things would turn out. Keep reminding yourself that you share the same genes.....probably the same personality or parts of it anyway.

It would also be a good idea to work out what you want to achieve and how much contact you would like. You are the minor in this connection so set your own boundaries and don't be pushed into more than you can handle.

Meeting my son definitely altered my life. We have an easy flowing relationship that warms my heart every day. I am not his mother...he already has one of them. We are friends - related by birth - and we each give each other another dimension that was missing prior to the reunion. And....we have the rest of our lives to make this relationship work.

Ann

[Alli27]

Moose: congratulations on meeing your father. It is totally normal to feel this way. Have a list of questions handy for him, write them down as you experience anxiety leading up to the meeting. Are you bringing anyone with you? Bring your camera also

What are your specific concerns?

Originally Posted by moose1908

I am looking for help as to where i can i find support. I have not been adopted but i am meeting my father for the first time(well supposed to be) later this yr.

The only sites I can find with forums to chat and things is adoption ones. Can anyone help? As u can imagine i am getting a tad stressed and wound up and each day is getting worse and feel it would helpful to chat to people who have been through this.

Many Thanks

[dmca]

I don't see it as a fraud. the SAME feelings and fears are present. I"m sure the adoptees will have some TERRIFIC ideas for you and will be able to share. AFter all, lots of them have had this SAME experience.
dmca

[kakuehl]

Originally Posted by moose1908

I am looking for help as to where i can i find support. I have not been adopted but i am meeting my father for the first time(well supposed to be) later this yr.

The only sites I can find with forums to chat and things is adoption ones. Can anyone help? As u can imagine i am getting a tad stressed and wound up and each day is getting worse and feel it would helpful to chat to people who have been through this.

Many Thanks

As the others have said, please don't feel like a fraud. You haven't shared your story so we don't know a lot of what's going on in your life, but many of us have had the experience of meeting a parent or child for the first time after waiting literally years. Some of us hope to be in your shoes soon!

For me as a birth/first mom in reunion there were several stages to the wait: first was waiting in home he'd seek and find me; then was looking at various sites on line seeking him (occasionally over the years); then was the wait for his adad to reply to me email; then for his reply and finally for the day we met. You will find many of us describe reunion as a rollercoaster because your emotions are up and then they're down.

As was said earlier, it's important to think about your expectations for the relationship and to recognise that his might be different.

This past year with my bson has been great. I don't try to be his mother - I'm not the one who raised him and he's not looking to me for mothering. For me however, there is an incredible connection that I can't / really haven't tried to name. I'm glad he's now in my life with his family. I hope you will have as positive a relationship with your father.

This forum is a good place to come for support.

Blessings.
Kathy

[Anetscat66]

I can totally understand your anxiety! I felt the same when I was reuniting with my birth family! Talk about a roller coaster of feelings! It can be quite overwhelming for both you and your dad.
The most important thing I can suggest to you (this is my opinion) is " take a deep breath & start off slow. Don't set your expectations too high. Just as you have these feelings of anxiety, chances are he will too. Best of luck to you dear friend and if you need to talk, I am here! Keep me updated! God Bless!