[MikkiStreak]

I placed my daughter for adoption in 1990. In 2001, I found her adoptive family on the internet, through her dad's website at work. I sat on the information, believing, like so many others, that there was some unspoken "agreement" that wanting to initiate contact would go against.

One month later, I found myself moving to the metroplex they lived in for a new job. I began to get involved with support groups through the adoption agency and it seemed like everytime I went there, I would meet someone who knew Alix's family: the new caseworker who met them when she was a birthmother, an adoptive mom who came to speak to our group, another birthmother who hired the adoptive mom to do some work for her. It was very surreal to me.

A few months later, I attended a seminar at the adoption agency and heard a woman speak about the fact that her birthchild had an adopted sibling. She asked the adoption agency to put her in contact with the siblings birthmother and contact began between them.

Amazed by her story, I asked the adoption agency to contact Alix's brother's birthmother and later that year, we met for the first time. She and I have become extremely close and have maintained weekly contact for the last 4 years.

During our first meeting, we swapped stories, letters, photos and everything else we could think of. We both realized that we discovered who the adoptive family was during the same time (late summer 2001) in the same manner (adoptive father's website).

L. told me an amazing story that weekend. She said she finally decided to sit down with a close friend and share her experience as a birthmother. As she revealed the experience over a lunch date, this woman's mouth dropped open and she blurted out that she knew the adoptive family - her mother had taken care of the kids in nursery school at church, her sister had been their babysitter, and her father worked with the adoptive father!

Her friend revealed a lot of information to L, and unfortunately, none of it was good. Her friend painted a grim picture about this family - the marital problems that began before they adopted the kids and became much more serious after becoming parents.

The adoption agency thought there were going to be issues with the parents and almost denied accepting them as adoptive parents. When Alix's mother realized this, she heard that if she did a lot of volunteer work with the agency, the director would change her mind and allow them to adopt. It worked. She volunteered their way into parenting. Even the father has admitted they never should have been allowed to adopt because they weren't good parents. As he told me, "We weren't doing a good job parenting XXXXX (sons' name), and adding a second child to the mix wouldn't make it better."

The adoptive mom was a woman who preferred the son over the daughter every chance she had. She showered him with her time and attention, while depriving my dauther of this. He was enrolled of multiple extra-curricular activities (baseball, Boy Scouts, coin-collecting, science clubs, etc...) but Alix was 12 before she was allowed to participate in even one activity. The adoptive mom admitted she really didn't like Alix very much and they did not get along well. She physically abused her also.

When Alix was 8, her mom sent her to live in a group home. Alix was left there for 4 years, while her mother began partying and having multiple affairs - in fact, having 2 boyfriends at once while still married and living with her husband and teenage son. Six months after she put Alix in a group home, she left the family for good.

The adoptive father retained custody of both children. Alix spent weekend with her father because her mother refused to take her. Instead, she preferred to take the son every weekend.

Alix's father remarried and one month later, they brought Alix home. Around this same time, I wrote a letter asking him to meet with me in person. He agreed, but said he didn't want to proceed immediately - he was hoping that Alix would bond to his new wife and allow her the opportunity to "mother" Alix.

One year later, he wrote a bitter letter to the adoption agency, ready to proceed with meeting me. We wrote 1-2 letters to each other over a few months and then Alix asked if she could write to me.

We spent one year writing letters to each other. The social worker from the adoption agency warned me repeatedly that she thought the adoptive father would hand her back to me, if given the opportunity.

I met Alix's adoptive dad and stepmom for the first time in Feb of 2005. The meeting went well, but it struck me that he really didn't say very much unless asked. Even when asked, it seemed like the majority of what he had to say was negative about Alix.

In May of 2005, I met Alix's adoptive mom. That was very bizarre - she would begin a sentence and in the middle of it, would just turn her head away, stop speaking and just get this blank look in her eyes. Then, after a few seconds, she "tune back in", so to speak.

The difference between the meetings was huge---- her father blamed her mother for everything he possibly could. The mother was beyond description--- she told me about the baby they 'ordered'--- how they specifically requested an intelligent child with blue eyes. She really didn't have anything to say about Alix--- only 1 or 2 actual stories about Alix in her childhood... it was as if she were speaking about someone she barely saw or knew...

I met Alix in June of 2005. The honeymoon lasted for about a month. She was 14 and since my parents health is deteriorating, I took her up north to meet them. From the moment we met, she would become upset if I asked any questions of any type. She seemed hell-bent on testing me.

From the moment we met, I called her 2-3 times per week and she came to stay with me every weekend. One month after we met, I received an email from her dad apologizing that when I came to pick her up that afternoon, I would find Alix with a "swollen" lip because she had mouthed off to him that afternoon. When I showed up, her lip was swollen, bruised and split open.

As time went on, I saw that Alix's mom would call her brother almost every night and would not speak to her. The custody agreement allowed for her to have the kids every Wednesday and every other weekend. Every Wednesday, Alix had to watch her mom come and pick up her brother, while she was left at home with her dad. Every weekend, her mom took her brother, but never her. Instead, I took Alix every weekend.

In December, I received a call from L, asking if I had heard what was going on at the house. She had met her birthson a few months previous and spoke with him on the phone every evening. That morning, she was talking to her son, when the adoptive father went into Alix's room and proceeded to beat her up.

A few weeks later, CPS showed up at school and talked to both kids about the episode. The son denied it all and hung Alix out to dry. That night, I received a phone call from Alix's dad saying that he "had to find a place for her to go" because he "couldn't risk" his "reputation" because it's the only thing he has left. (This was the second CPS investigation into him for beating Alix.)

I went to their home the following night. The gist of the 3 hour conversation can be summed up with these words he spoke, "I want her gone as soon as possible and I don't care where she goes. She is no longer welcome in our home." At the end of the meeting, his wife said, "Don't risk yourselves for her; she's not worth it."

Three weeks later, Alix was gone. Her dad shipped her 2 hours away to a group home with the intention of leaving her there until she reached adulthood. During the time she was there, she didn't receive one phone call or letter from anyone in her adoptive family.

After 6 weeks, Alix was asked to leave the group home because she had pushed a girl up against the wall. Her dad emailed me and asked if I would take her in for awhile or else he'd have to send her to a homeless shelter.

I picked her up Easter weekend. She stayed with us for 6 weeks before she freaked out one day in a rage and broke our stove. I called her mother to come get her (knowing her father wouldn't), and she picked her up and dropped her off at a homeless shelter.

She stayed there for 4 days and then ran away. A few days later, Alix called me and asked me to pick her up. She was drunk, high and battered from her experiences while she was on the run. I called her parents and they both refused to come get her. Her mother told me, "I don't want her to know that I don't want her."

Alix stayed with us for 2 days before her parents put her in temporary foster care. They have now told her that even if she is successful in foster care with therapy, she is still no longer welcome in their homes - so the goal is for her to live with me permanently after she leaves foster care.

Her dad asked me to adopt her back, or at the minimum, take custody of her permanently. I responded back that the only way I would even consider thinking about this was if both of her parents provided financial assistance for her. He immediately responded back that he "couldn't afford" it and if I changed my mind, to let him know in the future. (A few weeks later, he was house hunting for a larger home and going on summer vacations. Guess his finances aren't that bad when it comes to what he wants - not what his daughter wants...) I asked him to not say anything to Alix about custody until I had made a final decision.

A week later, Alix informed me that her parents were talking to the caseworkers with the foster care program about turning over custody of her to me. I was FURIOUS that she had been told about this...

I hate all of this. I am filled with rage that can't be put into words. I can honestly say that I wish I could be the one to push both Alix's parents into the fiery pits of hell. I hope both of their lives are destroyed and they are left alone with nothing to keep them company except their conscience.... Both of them are selfish, soul-less, manipulative, abusive people and I hope they lose everything that has ever mattered to them both.

I am committed to helping Alix, but the reality is that I don't think it is best for her to live with me. Because of the abuse and neglect she has suffered in her lifetime at the hands of both her parents, she doesn't respond positively to anyone in a role of authority. Living with me is not going to change that.

I feel that I have been put in Alix's life at this point to provide support to her for what she is going to experience due to her parent's complete abandonment of their parental roles.

It's late and I'm very tired, so I'm going to end this. I will always regret that I placed Alix for adoption. She would have been better off being raised in poverty by a 19 year old mother than the evil adoptive parents she wound up with.

[musemoon]

Wow that is such a sad story. :-( Breaks my heart. I am going into my little adaughter's room right now and kiss her little sleeping cheeks, I never want her to feel the way Alix does.

However, Alix's pain is from years of neglect and abuse...when you hug her, hug they baby she was...cause that's where her healing needs to start.

And hug to you, for being brave enough to put her up for adoption and brave enough to face this. My heart and thoughts are with you.

[Lillyanya]

I'm so sorry to hear this. It is a very sad story indeed. I commend you for trying to help her. Maybe in time she will learn to love again and to trust again.

My prayers are with you and Alix.