[Benedicta]

Glad to see you hanging in there Russell.....

Shaloam...

b

[russdwright]

Here's an update for you all ...

After emailing for about a month, we decided to communicate in a more real-time fashion. This happened last night.

We started out by IMing each other for about an hour. During that time, we talked mostly about my family and her brother.

After that we got on the phone .... and talked for over 5 hours! We talked about anything and everything. It was like talking to an old friend. The amzing things was that we ended up not blubbering like fools I was, however, able to get more details from her on my birth father (RE: nickname, how she knew him, etc.). She is still holding back some info from me, but I think it is for the same reason she is leery of contacting him (per her, "I do not want to disrupt his life").

The best thing is that we have confirmed our first F2F meeting for tomorrow afternoon. It will be me, her, and the Search Angel, but that is OK by me. I am hoping that during the meeting more info will come out, either from bMom or my Search Angel.

[sunnyfromNY]

Exciting news, Russ! Remember.... information is important, but this woman is the woman who gave birth to you and is a person in her own right, not a library to dispense information. Get info, but also have a good time!

I'm happy for you. Can't wait to hear how it goes....

[joycie]

Originally Posted by sunnyfromNY

Exciting news, Russ! Remember.... information is important, but this woman is the woman who gave birth to you and is a person in her own right, not a library to dispense information. Get info, but also have a good time!

I, too, am so excited and happy for you, Russ. Great advice from Sunny! Will be so eager to hear all about your meeting. FIVE hours on the phone! That's a marathon. My batteries would've given out long before that...my ear too! Will be there with you both in spirit tomorrow holding her hand and yours. May it be the best day of your life. Audrey

[dpen6]

Can we do away with the preaching to adoptees. We KNOW She is more then a library , but the reality is out whole lives were spent without knowing OUR info....again the onlu way we may be able to know about our own biology given to us by our birthmoms is if we ask. If we don't ask up front we may never find out due to pain and birthmom be unable to continue with contact....that is the addded dimension that birthmoms have NO idea about. That is isclusive to adoptees and is VERY important to us...please respect it and careful of the condescending attiudes.

Thanks

[russdwright]

dpen,

I appreciate the comments; however, I am erring on the side of caution. I will let the information come from her as she is comfortable.

[dpen6]

Originally Posted by russdwright

dpen,

I appreciate the comments; however, I am erring on the side of caution. I will let the information come from her as she is comfortable.

Russ,

I totally understand why you don't want to push. NOBODY wants to be rude. I myself did not push my birthmom, infact she did tell me certian things to the best of her ability but never went any deeper. As I really did not want to hurt her, being sensitive to her pain for MANY years I never really got alot of stuff discussed...I was essentaily the good adoptee...as a result my birthmom died and any more info I wanted, for me, for my own needs died with her. In fact she did tell me once, what does it matter, it was so long ago. And I backed off quickly...as not to hurt...felt guilty but now understand I had nothing to feel guilty about! As a result I lost lots of good info that really may have help in finding birth father.

So, please understand I never adovate hurting someone but I really am tired of being spoken too like what I need is less important then someone else and thats what it boils down to.

I wish you good luck in your reunion and do understand giving her time...just rememeber what you need is important also

[marimari]

dpen6...Your point of view is quite valid; we don't know how much time we have to get answers, etc..If a person is looking for information only, I can see where it's almost imperative to have a list ready to go or something. The ladies that responded were not implying to not ask nor trying to be condenscending..merely letting him know that some things she may not be able to answer..yet...Much will have more than likely been buried in her head somewhere, and the unearthing of events may be hard.
By the same token, we aren't encouraged to bombard the adoptee either, are we? Each individual ideally is sensitive to the other. No one was suggesting to hold back..just to be aware.

I am sad that you weren't able to get everything you wanted from your b-mom..your point is taken..

Russ, it does sound like the two of you are making great strides...five hours is very cool! You are hopefully well on your way to a fantastic reunion...can't wait to hear about it all either! That first looking into her eyes, the first hug...it's all so amazing. Enjoy!!!

[Born1944]

Thinking of you today!! I pray the F2F is going well and can't wait to hear an update.

HUGS coming your way,
((((((((((((((((((((((russ)))))))))))))))))))))))

Tina

[russdwright]

Well, I guess it is time to tell how it went:

I went and picked up some tulips from the local Megalo-Mart then headed over to a bookstore we agreed to meet at. I had hoped to be there first, but as I drove up I saw my bMom with the Search Angel that had been such a help to us. I got so scared that they would see me that I swung around to stall until they got in!

After I pulled in, I was so nervous that I sat in my car for a minute and tried to center myself in preparation for the meeting. As I walked towards the door I saw them sitting in the coffee shop right at the entrance. I played it cool and walked in.

As soon as we saw each other, my heart landed somewhere around my Adam's apple! I handed her the flowers and we hugged for what seemed like an eternity. She cried, but I couldn't ... I still don't know why. I guess I was too numb.

We visited with the Search Angel there for an hour or so. She then left and let me and my bMom have some time alone. We talked some, but most of our time was spent just looking at each other in amazement.

We did talk a bit about her brother, who was a poet and published author. She told me she was proud of everything I have done so far in my life, especially my MBA (apparently I will be the first to have a Master's degree based on the impression I got from her, unless her brother had one). I kept telling her about various similarities I have with her and her brother, which stunned her, to say the least. She also told me that she wondered about me from time to time, but always dismissed it because of an unspoken command: You will never see or hear from this child ever again.

The only break in things came when a girl (16, maybe 17) asked if we were meeting for the first time. When we said, "Yes", she about started crying.

The best parts of that interlude were:

1. We were able to share our story to this girl
2. I got to tell her how I did my search
3. She told us we looked exactly alike (which verified a lot for us since we had no side by side pics yet)!

After a few more hours, I got to take her home. We hugged again in the car before she got out. As she got out of the car, she stood there, still shocked and amazed that she finally got to see her son after all these years.

Here now, 48 hours later, I sit still amazed by what has transpired. Part of me think it is still a dream. We will see each other again this weekend, as we will be working together at a Trek Expo as volunteers in June, but I will be going to where the tickets are being sold so I can sign up to be a volunteer. She has already offered to give me "an early birthday present" to the tune of a ticket to have a photo op with Jonathan Frakes (Commander William T. Riker from Star Trek: The Next Generation). Yes, I was stunned yet again.

I think we will be having another private F2F in the near future. Exactly when I am not sure, but I am thinking sometime next month

[marimari]

Oh, Russ..that is wonderful. It is sort of an in shock experience...and so amazing.
Your b-mom was sure right about "you will never see or hear from this child again"..that what was we had to carry within our hearts and remember...everything was terminated, so teaching ourselves something different is hard..like it's against the rule that we have lived by. It takes some of us more time than others to feel OK with meeting you...we feel blessed, over the top with joy..but it feels somehow that we are wrong. I hope that the two of you are able to get together often. Do you live close? Have you mentioned it to your a-mom? Is your family supportive, happy for you? be patient with them, as it is hard for them to understand how one can feel so joyous about this person who supposedly abandoned you..it can be tough..so hang in there, enjoy your fullness and don't let anyone take it away from you. This is your joy...hold on! It is your b-mom's, too...help her to feel worthy of you.of all that is good.
Wow..i am so happy for you both....nice to find similarities, huh..and what about that hug..woo hoo!

[russdwright]

To answer your questions marimari:

Do you live close?

We live in the same town, literally minutes from each other!

Have you mentioned it to your a-mom?

See my thread asking how to approach aMom for details.

Is your family supportive, happy for you?

My wife is understanding and supportive of things, though she has a hard time understanding why bMom wants to meet my infant son before she wants to meet her. She seems to understand what I am feeling about things, but doesn't share my excitement and slight bouts of giddiness. She believes (and I am with her) that I will be able to see the reasons behind some of my other deep-seeded problems of insecurity, etc.

Hope that helps!

[Racer22]

Russ,

I am so glad that you had a great time meeting your bmom. That give me and others who are yet still in the search progress, hope.
Jed

[krielly]

Russ,

Thanks for sharing! You know we have all been on the edge of our seats

It sounds like it went wonderfully. I am SOOOOOOO happy for you both. Please continue to update, or just post from time to time to share your feelings!

Karen

[joycie]

Russ, thank you for telling us so poignantly about the meeting with your bmom. I am so happy for both of you and may this be just the beginning of the rest of your lives! I have always looked upon it as "the first day of the rest of my life".

I know you are still feeling pretty stunned. It is such an emotional experience for both you and your bmom. You mentioned that your wife feels a little left out, not being the next in line to meet her. This is rather a common side effect in intense reunions. I do hope that you will be able to explain this to your bmom and discuss how you can include her in your reunion more fully. If she is left on the outside looking in, it could become a real roadblock in your relationship. If she is included, she will be a great help in the coming months as you and your bmom find your way into each other's lives.

Since you all live in the same area, you should be having lots of get togethers in the future, you lucky people! You're seeing her again this w/e Tell us all about it, OK? You can never make up for all the lost years and neither can your bmom but you do have the here and now to build on and the future looks so bright for all of you. Howe sweet that you took her some tulips, Russ. A true sign of spring and significant of your reunion taking place in early spring. Here's a "flowder" for you from me! I love giving these out...they're so cheap! Audrey