[Jensboys]

Nick - I reiterate my previous suggestion (which comes from a great forum member and well used before) and that is to take your son and MAKE SOMETHING UP.

Be creative ... trace you lineage to some imaginary duke or African Prince or something. Let this be a project you and your son can have FUN with.

[akcskye]

Originally posted by nickychaz
I am really amazed that no one is able to understand my perspective on this. Imagine an eleven year old boy standing up in front of 33 of his peers and admiting that he does not know his own grandparents. You are all adults and you were asking me why I simply did not use my adoptive parents information. What do you think that a class full of pre-teens is going to say ?
Children can be cruel.**snipped**
As for my father, he left when I was five years old. It was hardly my fault.

Well, I for one never asked you why you did not use your adoptive parents information. I asked if you were a single mom because you did not mention a father figure in your original post.

I also provided you with a great suggestion for a substitute...making a short essay about the GOOD of adoption.

I would like to think, in this politically correct world, that your son stating "my mother was adopted when she was a little girl, so we have no information on that side of the family", wouldn't even phase the other kids in his class.

And, I never blamed you for the estrangement between your a-parents. Quite the contrary, I stated it was not YOUR fault, NOR your son's fault.

How can the truth be your a-family is embarrassed of him, when it sounds like the connection between your a-family and yourself was cut long before he came into the picture?

I, too, am getting frustrated. I am trying to offer support to you, and have come up with a few good opinions, as well as offer my insight for others who might be reading. I am NOT attacking you personally, nor do I intend to ever do such.

Again, best of luck to you

Kristi

[numbr1dbcksfan]

have never told my son that his adoptive grandmother is ashamed of him. I would never do that, even though I realize that it is the truth. I thought that this website is the one place that I can be honest, but no one seems to understand.

Well...it doesnt seem to be about your son...it seems like you are the one upset with the assignment. Why would you tell your son that....all you have to tell him is that your adoptive parents are not around and that you dont know your bio parents.... It is what you make of it. If you dont make him think he should be upset or offended or embarrassed about the assignment then chances are he wont be....he isnt the one who is adopted!!


Now on the other front.....if you want to vent here about what happened with your parents...then there are plenty of ears!! And there are plenty here who understand...and who even have been there!!!

I think all that we are saying here(in this thread) is that this does not have to be your son's issue at all!

[roxanna425]

Immigrant families have always had this problem. When you emigrate, especially forcible emigration like if you are fleeing communism or some political unrest family trees can be traumatic experiences and this has always been so. My cousins and I all had to do these assignments and our parents were orphaned in a military coup. They didn't like talking about the past nor was our original language good enough to really understand what they were saying. My cousins and I all did alternate assignements on the countries we came from, researched in the library, not with our parents. I think assigments like this one are best let go by the wayside like Palmer method cursive and **** and Jane books. It's just my personal opinion but we can no longer assume that all students in the class have an intact, nuclear family. It's just not the truth anymore. There soes seem to be undue angst in the original posters stance as it affects her child. Trust me, beign adopted isn't any more of a reason for children to be cruel to your child (especially since he's not even the one that was adopted) that any other thing, it's actually less so since kids don't think that abstractedly.

[Howdy]

I'm not sure making up a story would be the best thing to do, trying to cover up things about ourselves makes us feel like we have a shameful secret and then we feel ashamed of ourselves too. Plus then we have to fear 'discovery'. It doesn't sound like a good thing to teach a kid.
Probably an eleven yr old would simply feel happy to be done quickly with his assignment by getting to write 'unknown' all over one side of the tree, but it sounds like a good opportunity to talk with him about how our worth as a person has nothing to do with our parents' worth, or with our sex, race, religion, country of origin, adoption-status, etc.

[lucyjoy]

Jen-I didn't exactly say to create one-I said add in and make extra circles(my kids all have bio siblings living elsewhere).
I have strong opinions about these types of assignments(like they shouldn't be done except in elective high school classes for kids who are into this stuff). In this case, if you choose the assignment-you can make up info, write still searching, or if you believe in God-just list him as parent for you.(don't bother blasting me, I've just spent 2 hours in an IEP meeting)

There was a thread in the Russia board over a lousy 7th grade assignment about a child's birth. Schools need to wake up. There are so many different kinds of families these days that any learning value these assignments might bring is lost in the emotional damage they cause.

[spaypets]

I actually don't see this as an adoption issue. Plenty of people have families that can't be traced back more than one or two generations. There were lots of reasons...early deaths, estrangements, scandals...

Your son knows your name and your parents names. Just go back as far as his grandparents. That's all the information you have, all you have to say is that your parents were estranged from them and you don't know their names.

I guarantee, he's noticed that his mother's parents aren't around. But no one needs to know why.

[misspiwackit]

After reading this thread I must make a comment. I also agree the assignment was "trace your family tree back as far as you can". MOM if he can only trace to your adoptive parents and his father's side then he is done with the assignment. No further information or explanation is needed.

But I strongly disagree with the comments that this type of assignment should no longer be done. Researching a family tree is extremely hard and very informative. If you have never done your family genealogy it can be a real eye opener. Nor do I believe it shuld be for high schoolers as an elective. I once heard the reason for studying history is "How can we know where we are going if we don't know where we've been".

I have traced many of my lines back to Europe and even to 1332 but one important line only back to a great grandfather and his birth of 1833.

Researching such a project and finding the resources at a library vs online would help restore to your students the ability to do hands on research. Many of these old documents are being destroyed and unless someone in the family takes the time to preserve them they (the info) will be lost to future generations.

Yes I understand about the "new" families of today but heritage is still heritage.

I can understand the original post and her asking about the teacher being insensitive - but it is her adoption not her son's that is the crust of the problem.

I was a single parent and my daughter's father was not involved in her life. In fifth grade as a member of a girl scouts troup they were having a father/daughter dinner. My daughter told me she would not be able to attend since it was for fathers. I simply called the leader explained the situation and asked that in today's society (1982) with divorce common would it be okay if I stood in for her father. The leader was wonderful and at the dinner that night another mother (married but whose husband couldn't be with his daughter) approached me and offered her thanks for breaking a long standing tradition.