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Originally Posted By Distraught Parents

2 months ago our worst nightmare came true. We received a letter at our home from our 23 year old sons birthmother. We held on to the letter for a while debating what to do with it. We had met her once and she knew our names which are rather unique, so apparently she had no trouble tracking us down. Well we finally decided to give it to our son. I wish we had'nt! Apparently they e-mail all the time, talk on the phone and she even put him in touch with his sperm donor and now THEY talk all the time. NOW we come to find out he's got "brothers" and "sisters" and he just babbles on and on about how wonderful they all are. And now the whole lot of them are getting together next weekend and we have no way to stop this (he is grown and moved out) What can we do? She has NO RIGHT to barge in on our lives after we have done all the work. Why does our son not see that this is just WRONG!! He just jabbers on and on and acts so happy about his new family. Are we supposed to just sit back and take it and have to tolerate these intruders at our sons wedding..the birth of OUR grandchildren and all the rest of the perks that come after dedicating your life to a child? What can we say to our Son to bring this hellish nightmare to a close??!!

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Originally Posted By J

Lady, and I do assume you are a lady(?), are you for real????
You are every birthparents' nightmare......and then some!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Originally Posted By Julie

I would tactfully be honest with him. I am an adoptee that wants to find my birthparents but my adoptive parents will always be the ones that I consider my real parents. Unless you previously had a bad relationship with him, there is nothing that can sever the relationship you had with him. I would also ask him if you could speak with his birth mom and let her know how you feel. She may not realize that her presence is a little overbearing for you right now. I think openness and honesty with him (without getting angry) will help. Good Luck

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Originally Posted By Malinda

Dearest Parents-Your son is young and thrilled with finding "blood" kin.Don't worry too much-he has a new toy and will come to realize you are his "real" parents.The thrill wil wear off.I am adopted too,but my parents are dead.I know they are my "rearo parents, but I hope to find my "blood" relatives to answer many questions I have.My new found relatives can never take my Mom or Dad's place, and your son will never,ever remove you from his heart.Be supportive and just love him as much as you can.He needs to do this and have his questions answered. Get support from your friends or minister and talk to each other-ask your son lots of questions and show him you are still his parents! Best of luck!

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Originally Posted By vicki

You are exactaly the reason I regret placing my daughter up for adoption. You think you are so much better than the "first parents".How dare you refer to the "perks" of grandchildren and weddings like you are owed them. If you didn't want the "hassle",maybe you should of used a petri dish and had your own.You always think that the world should kiss your feet because you are so saintly adopting.

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Originally Posted By Distraught Parents (The Real Ones)

How dare YOU call them parents! I resent the whole birth"parent" name. They did nothing to Parent our son! And we dont feel Saintly. All I read is the snivling and whining of the women (and men) who give up their children (nobody puts a gun to their head) and then cry and complain and badmouth the people who come in after and clean up their messes. So now I suppose we are just supposed to tolerate them coming back after we have done all the loving, caring, raising, college etc etc etc. We did not take him on loan. He is ours forever.

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Originally Posted By Distraught Parents (The Real Ones)

How dare YOU call them parents! I resent the whole birth"parent" name. They did nothing to Parent our son! And we dont feel Saintly. All I read is the snivling and whining of the women (and men) who give up their children (nobody puts a gun to their head) and then cry and complain and badmouth the people who come in after and clean up their messes. So now I suppose we are just supposed to tolerate them coming back after we have done all the loving, caring, raising, college etc etc etc. We did not take him on loan. He is ours forever.

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Originally Posted By Distraught Parents (The Real Ones)

How dare YOU call them parents! I resent the whole birth"parent" name. They did nothing to Parent our son! And we dont feel Saintly. All I read is the snivling and whining of the women (and men) who give up their children (nobody puts a gun to their head) and then cry and complain and badmouth the people who come in after and clean up their messes. So now I suppose we are just supposed to tolerate them coming back after we have done all the loving, caring, raising, college etc etc etc. We did not take him on loan. He is ours forever.

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Originally Posted By THERESA ANNE KELLER / BN

what a blessing for him to finally feel accepted and not rejected by his birthfamily. This is not about you being bad or good parents this is about him finally having some peace in his soul about where he comes from.I am sure that he hasnt stoped loving you.I am an adoptee who has put her parents through hell all her young life and who is never in doubt of who raised and loved me.I would never abandon my parents that raised me, but i would not reject those that gave me life.Dont let the anger put you in a seat of judgement for those who had to make decisions that would forever plague them. Remember you got the opportunity to raise
this child and watch him change from a child to a man.Y
may not have given him life,but you taught him how to live it which is the most important thing a parent can do.

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Originally Posted By S.G.

As a adopted son, I wil never, ever, have any parents but the ones that adopted me at birth. If I ever find my birthmother, and we become friends, she will never be my mom, but part of an extended family. I don't know this for sure, because I'm not in that situation, but I know deep in my heart, that my parents are my parents, my brother is my brother, and my niece or nephew on the way will be my niece or nephew. The point is I think you are insecure about "losing" your son to these people. If you've always had a good, loving relationship with your son, this won't happen. Being angry and unsupportave will only push him away. Let him know you are not happy with the situation, but that he is your son and you lave him no matter what.

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Originally Posted By S.G.

As a adopted son, I wil never, ever, have any parents but the ones that adopted me at birth. If I ever find my birthmother, and we become friends, she will never be my mom, but part of an extended family. I don't know this for sure, because I'm not in that situation, but I know deep in my heart, that my parents are my parents, my brother is my brother, and my niece or nephew on the way will be my niece or nephew. The point is I think you are insecure about "losing" your son to these people. If you've always had a good, loving relationship with your son, this won't happen. Being angry and unsupportave will only push him away. Let him know you are not happy with the situation, but that he is your son and you love him no matter what.

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Originally Posted By tina

I THINK YOU ARE SELFISH. YOUR SON FINALLY GETS TO KNOW HIS GENETICS. WHO HE LOOKS LIKE. FAMILY MEDICAL HISTORY. yES YOU RAISED HIM, YOU ARE STILL HIS PARENTS. h E LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT. It is just nice to be able to put the pieces together. dont see it as barging in, see it as an extension of your family. Show his biirth mom picture of him growing up and share your memories. I wish i could meet my biirthmom. I wouldnt love my adopted parents any less. they made me the wonderful person i am today. so grow up!!!

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Originally Posted By A Whiney Birthmother!

First of all you called us birthmothers WHINEY, well look who's whining now and I didn't know that I made a mess and besides who asked to clean up after me.

I truly hope that this is a post from someone trying to stir up trouble, because if there really are adoptive parents out there as yourself, we are truly going to have some messed up kids on our hands.

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Originally Posted By Debbie wife on an adoptee

You sound just like my mother in law. You are scared that you will loose your son to his natural mother. My husband was adopted at birth 33 years ago. His mother is afraid that he is going to love his birth mother more then she loves him, but that is impossible. Yes someone else gave him life, but she has given him all of her love, and her time. I think your son is excited about learning that he has other people in this world that are related to him, but he only has one set of parents, and that is YOU My husband is looking for his birth parents so that we may know some medical history not only for him, but for our son also. He would like to get to know the people who gave him life, but there will never be a replacement for the parents who raised him, and have loved him for all his life. I hope you will not listen to all the nasty things that are coming your way, and just remember there are others like you. Good luck and always know that your son loves you, and that will never change.

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Originally Posted By ruby

You don't know how blessed you are, I would give anything to put my 3 children in touch with their biological family. we have been looking for a long long time, why not just thank the family for giving you the time you've had and prepare to have an expanded family for for a lifetime