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Originally Posted By LS

Can someone here direct me? I am very new to this. Last night an agent for my birthmom called me. I do not want contact with this woman AT ALL. I know she will call again, or worse yet, come to my home. *How* did she find me - I thought adoption records were sealed. If you know of a site or message board where I can get more answers...this was the first place I found. Thank you so much.

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Originally Posted By bonnie

Dear LS, I am a birthmom searching for the daughter I had to give up 30 yrs. ago. I am writing to tell you... I loved my daughter... Had it not been for my age and a very abusive father, I would not have given my daughter up. We all have unique stories about why we had to give our children up. I would urge you to at least give your bmom the benefit of doubt and allow her or her agent to contact you. It maybe that she just wants to know how your life turned out, or to tell you why she had to give you up. My heart hurts every day. I have been looking for my bdaughter for many yrs. now and still have no idea if I will ever. Last yr I lost my 21 yr old son. I have learned how very precious life is. I hope you will search your heart. If you would like to contact me to ask more about why a bmom would try to contact the children we had to, or have given up, I would be glad to share with you. wildfox23@hotmail.com

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Jeannie Evans

Birth records are open due to new legislation. one of the reasons for this is medical records. If you don't want contact say so most agents working for families will not pass on your info without your permission.
Jeannie Evans

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Originally Posted By justme

she IS your MOTHER!! whats wrong with you???

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Originally Posted By Edna Orbaker

I am a birth mom. and even though it would kill me to hear this just tell who ever called you, you are fine and do not want any contact.and that there are laws To protect your right and not to call again.

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Originally Posted By ML

I think your comments are very un-sympathetic and you should keep them to yourself. Obviously you have issues that need to be addressed.

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Originally Posted By vg to justme

who are you..an adoptee or bparent? what an ignorant comment. your mother is the woman who raised you. giving birth does not make you a mother.

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Originally Posted By Anna Louise

I was adopted out after about 6 month of age. I've had a lovely life with my "real" parents.
If I were contacted by my 'blood mom or relative', I would also be nervious or concerned. After all, I do not know what sort of person they are. If it was an abusive situation, who is to say they have changed? Who needs that sort of head ache.

On the other hand, being so grateful for the wonderful opportunity to have such a great life with my real mom and dad, I would consider opening up a P.O.BOX , or have the agent be a 'go between', and forward a fax of my baby pictures, inform her of how many grandchildren she has, and that she made a wise decision, and thank you for allowing me to have the opportunity to be raised by my mom and dad.
I'm really in no mood for new 'in laws' myself thank you anyways, I inherited an awful bunch when I got married, and not quick to make the same mistake twice...giggle!
If you did not have a great childhood, or there is some awful story behind it...it's the past...right?

So, 'thanks for not aborting me' applies...but would be majorly crass and unclassy, but... a loving 'thanks I'm fine, glad to know you cared enough to contact me, but I'm not interested in contact', would surfice.
May I add this?
Things that make you go huuuuum.....
I'd ask for a complete medical history though, for cancer, birth defects, cateracts, age and causes of death in the family history...that sort of thing.
And maybe even the cause of the adoption, or if you have any brothers or sisters? It's always nice to know your not alone in this world, it's a warm fuzzy no one can take away from you, even if your world is all daisies and roses at this present time. Life is just too short and precious!

I'm sure the agent can forward your requests and comments and concerns and boundries along to her.

Like my most wise and honorable daddy always told me:

1. You can either be part of the problem, make it worse, or make this world a more loving and beautiful place...choose wisely!

2. If it ain't broke...don't fix it!
Anna Louise!

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Originally Posted By Joni

I am an adoptee searching for my bmom. Mostly for medical and nationality reasons, but have you considered having two mom's? You my dear should consider yourself lucky to have two mothers who love you very much. Your bmom loved you..that is why she gave you up. Your adopted mom loves you...she is everthing you know. Consider having two mothers, better yet, two sets of parents. LUCKY YOU!!

[Archive]

Originally Posted By I understand

I know how yuo feel. I also do not want contact with my b-mom. I have questions i need answered but don't want to "build a relationship" with her.
Anyway, as far as b-records being sealed. As far as I know, it all depends on the state in which you were born. If your b-mom went to court to have them opened, that is one possible way. Also, it makes sense that she had an agent contact you, instead of doing it herself. If you told this agent that you did not want to be contacted by her, and your records were sealed, then I am pretty sure he cannot legally give her any contact information about you. I wouldn't worry. From what i understand, there has to be consent on both sides before info can be exchanged. If you would like to contact me and talk more privately, my e-mail is frogqueen2@hotmail.com

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Originally Posted By DeAnne

You mentioned in a message to "I have been contacted by my birthmom - am confused" you were in search of your daughter who you gave up 30 yrs. ago. What was her birth date and were was she born? I am searching for my birthmother.

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Originally Posted By Lesli

I was adopted when I was a baby. I am now 39 and both of my adoptive parents are deceased. Because of the new legislation I was able to obtain my original birth certificate with my birth mother's name on it. The father was listed as unknown. I have 3 children and some medical issues that prompted my search. I'm not sure I want a relationship with my birth mother, but I would really like to have the medical information. It takes forever to make some diagnosises(?) because my medical history is unknown. I was able to research her family tree on the Internet all the way back to the 1500's. Some of this information is very interesting. My advice to you would be to proceed slowly, but at the very least you might want to get your medical history. You can keep it sealed if you want to, but you'd have it if you ever need it. I think medical history should be included with every adoption. If you don't want direct contact with her perhaps you could have a third party get the information from her. I hope this helps. Lesli

[madgally]

I disagree - she isn't "her mother" !!

[HMAndrews23]

One thing I would like to say is that not all birth records are sealed. Actually it all depends on how the adoption was set up. For one mine where told to be sealed, but the arangements through the lawayers office indicate wrong. My birth mother was aloud to know my last name. which can give anything away. My other question is if you dont mind me asking. Do you want to know who your mother. if not that i understand too, but i also can tell you that you are not the only one to be strugling with everything. i can tell you from experience that she is struggling just as much as you. she has a empty space in her heart that she so despreatly wants to fill. think about it this way if you had a child and you gave it up wouldnt you think about how that child is doing day in and day out. i know i would i do it everyday. even though i am adopted i also gave up a child at the age of ninteen because i couldnt provide for the child fanacially or any other way at the time. i worry every day if my first born son is doing alright. If you dont want to have contact then all you have to do is say i dont want you to call me anymore if they persist then you can file an order or press charges against them if they continue to call more than three time

[tammijohill]

I feel for you,I too think about "MY BOYS" everyday and I have for 11 years. Imagine, 11 years. Not one single day has past since they left. Iam not their biological mother. I was their foster mother and I was trying to adopt 2 boys that were not related to each other but they were raised together by me. They were "nobodys child". I had them fom the time they were 2 until age 8 and they were MY children. My family was their family and we were the only family they ever knew. We had a very strong bond.
I fought for these children, I spent over 20,000.00 in legal fees to sue my home state In the end it just showed me that you cant beat the system and they will always have more money than me. I have lost faith in our system.
I could have pursued my case for a minimum of 100,000.00 and appear before the supreme court. it is not about "what is best for the children" at all. its about who has more power.
So to all of the adoptees who have doubt about a reunion with biological parents, consider at least hearing their side. When you deserved a better life and got one, maybe they have been in hell every since. You never know but if your adopted parents were good to you then hopefully they have taught you about compassion.
I will not stop searching regardless if they dont want a reunion. I deserve an explaination just as well as they do. I dont know what they have been told and if you were in the court room with me then you would know what kind of spew comes out of DCFS mouth.
If anyone is intersted in seeking their children that were placed for adoption or vise versa, The Midwest Adoption Center has access to closed adoption files. They are located in Des Plaines Illinois. They found my boys and contacted the adoptive parent. When the child is 18 they have to contact the parent and it is the parents decision whether to allow a reunion. If the Aparent says no contact then you have to wit unril they are 21 to be able to contact them directly and for them to make their own decision.
Both of my boys were found within a couple of weeks. They had been seperated and their Aparents both said no contactOne was the decision at the time of adoption in 1996 and the others Aparent was contact via telephone by a mediator/councelor. So now I have wondering in my head what were these people told because I can not imagine any other reason other than being threatened or selfish.
So think about it seriously, consider that you may have false information, at least give them the benifit of the doubt.