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Old 03-16-2012, 06:52 AM
adoptionfindblog adoptionfindblog is offline
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AdoptionFind: Adoption Not Magic: Babies Donít Disappear, They Grow Up

Response to a comment on the rights of birthmothers.

Babies Donít Disappear, They Grow Up

I would love to hear your thoughts on this one.
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Old 03-16-2012, 09:31 AM
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JustPeachy JustPeachy is offline
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Since the 1970′s birth parents could have chosen an open adoption if they didnít care about privacy. The majority didnít.Ē

I can't read the whole article right now, but this caught my attention. Where on earth could you choose an OA in the 1970s??? I placed in early '82, and never even heard of OA. I think about 2 or 3 years later, I was watching Phil Donahue and they did a piece on OAs, which were very, very new at that time.

In terms of protecting my privacy, I was never promised confidentiality, nor did I want it. I was told that if I kept my information updated at the agency, and my son ever sought me out when he was of age, I would be contacted. Now, having said that, if I DIDN'T want to be contacted, I wouldn't have updated my information all those years. But regardless, I never expected privacy or harbored the feelings that if my son sought me out, I would not accept contact.

I realize some first moms may want to keep that door shut, but I was never one of them, so I'm not sure who these women are who expect confidentiality. Most first moms I know accept contact, in fact, I can't think of one who refused it, though I do hear of this happening from time to time. I just don't think it's the norm.
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Old 03-16-2012, 09:41 AM
MeriAnn MeriAnn is offline
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I guess that the comment “How sad for all those birth parents who chose adoption over abortion expecting to be able to have privacy. Since the 1970′s birth parents could have chosen an open adoption if they didn’t care about privacy. The majority didn’t.” is a valid point.

Being born in '75, times then were different. I dont think open adoption was very least not that I have ever heard. The whole issue of adoption is complicated. Everyone involved has their own rights and feelings.

In the province where I live, we adult adoptees could request identifying info starting Nov. 2004. It was announced far in advance that if the birth parent wanted to file a veto to prevent the release of info they could. In turn they could apply to have identifying info about the adoptees and we could also file a veto to prevent the release. I didnt apply for my file until fall of 2009. I dont know how it works in other areas, but it seems like a fair system. I would have been very disappointed if they had filed the veto though.

I am not sure how I want to proceed with this as I am trying to consider the situation and the feelings of all involved. I have found some peace though just knowing my own name and details.
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Old 03-16-2012, 10:03 AM
Dickons Dickons is offline

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Anyone who suggest all mothers chose adoption over abortion isn't worth responding to because they have a mindset that "all mothers who chose adoption (using chose very loosely) automatically were going to have an abortion".

People who believe in stereotypes cannot be reasoned with, let alone those who believe mothers main reason for not aborting and choosing adoption instead because it would give them privacy - have very little if any understanding of what mothers actually intended or wanted back then, or why.

Kind regards,
ďTreat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be.Ē ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Old 03-16-2012, 03:04 PM
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RavenSong RavenSong is offline
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The woman who posted that comment on your blog is terribly misinformed. I can assure you that open adoption was not an option during the 1970's. I first heard of OA around the mid-1980's...and when I surrendered my son to adoption in 1972, there was NO other option than traditional closed adoption.

I hate it when people who have not walked in the shoes of a natural mother speak on our "behalf" to justify not granting adoptees the legal right to access their original birth certificates or any of their files. I was never promised any sort of confidentiality iin 1972. I have poured through my copies of all the legal paperwork and documents, and there is nothing said at all about any so-called right to privacy. After being an activist and advocate for adoptee rights and adoption reform since 1979, I'm convinced that these cries the past couple years about birth mothers not wanting their children to have the same rights as every other human being in our country are simply a subterfuge, a smokescreen if you will.

Every child on this planet should have the absolute right to know his or her own heritage, their ancestral bloodlines, their original names, regularly updated medical histories, and meeting their natural parents, both mother and father. It's a weak cop-out to deny adoptees the legal right to any of these things in the name of a birth mother's "right to privacy."

The abortion aspect is especially troublesome to me. My decision as a young 17-year-old teenage girl to relinquish my baby had absolutely nothing to do with my decision not to terminate the pregnancy. I did consider abortion for an hour or two the day I found out I was pregnant, but I decided that was something I didn't want to do. I didn't even make the decision to surrender until my seventh month of pregnancy, long after the time window had closed for an abortion.

I'm glad I found your looks like you have a lot of really good things for people to think about. I've bookmarked your site and will be back!

What does not kill me, makes me stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888, German Philosopher (1844-1900)

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