[cacv]

Hi Everyone,

I read the forums faithfully everyday. The agency I was adopted from contacted my full biological brother, who was also adopted, three times letting him know I want to make contact with him. Apparently he has no interest. He contacted the agency and spoke with the case worker but never pursued any contact. My last letter (and the last one they will be able to sent) explained that the agency had pictures of me I sent and wanted to send him but needed his consent first. Again, no response. It is extremely upsetting and boggles my mind in his complete lack of interest but there is nothing I can do except wait and hope.

Now, I have just about saved up the money for a search for my bmom. I want to make sure I am informed as much as possible before I start the journey on this end. I have the following questions to ask the case worker before proceeding but would appreciate if anyone has some added insight or questions so that I cover all bases and have a better understanding of what to expect.

My questions are:
1) What if bmom refuses contact. Is that it?... end of the line?

2) What if they can't locate bmom? Will they try to contact her relatives?

3) What if bmom is deceased? Will they provide me her name? Will they provide me bdad's name?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much!!

[bakerjw]

For #1 - I am not sure how this is done, but I would recommend that if your birth mother denies contact you have the agency place a letter and or notarized release in your file with your contact information and to have them let her know that the information is there if she ever decides to change her mind. My bmom tried to contact me several years ago out of the blue and I denied contact at that time. Both aparents were still living then and other reasons. I have since requested all non identifying information from my file and I am hoping that a release or letter is included in the file.

For #2 - I am not sure. If it is anything like the Catholic Social Service agency that I handled my adoption, they will probably want more money. <rant>It seems that they are very selective in how they provide charity.</rant> I could be wrong and they may be very helpful.

For #3 - ???? I don't know. I suppose it depends on the agency.

Best wishes as always.

[cacv]

Thanks bakerjw. I already have all the forms in my file stating my information and that I want contact. The agency (The Cradle) sent out a generic letter in January of 2007 but it was returned as undeliverable (not surprising since the address would be 40 years old). I am now going for the much more in depth search.

I did research after (of course) I received my non id information and found out that I should have asked for the moon and the stars regarding them releasing information. The worst they could do is not include it. However, some people asked and the information was given. Since I didn't ask, I got the general information which helps, but isn't much.

So now (hindsight being 20/20), I want to go in asking for the moon and the stars and see what happens.

Thanks again for your response

[Porshalynn]

From what i was told from a CI i spoke with.

1. If mom refuses contact, they will ask is she will atleast provide medical history for you.

2. They will try to locate her up to 6 mos. If still no contact, they will not contact her family members. Only because, they may not be aware of you and the adoption. as it may cause conflict to the bmom.They absolutely do not want that to happen and have to protect her privacy.

3. If bmom is deceased they Will provide all informatiom related to her only. You will have to file another search petition for the bfather if he is listed on the adoption papers. If he is not listed on the adoption papers, only the bmom knows his information and only she can provide that.