[Oceans]

Does anyone know if these were common? There was no internet to speak of so I'm thinking they wouldn't have been common but what do I know??

I just received my non-id info today... YAY!!! It said his parents lived on a golf course and had a swimming pool.

Swimming pools are very unusual in my area so it makes me suspicious...

That said, my County had the info so doesn't that mean he was adopted in my County? Or would they have been updated anyway?

Any thoughts?

[BrandyHagz]

Agency's networked far and wide.

My amom, who is also a bmom, gave birth to twins in 1959 that she placed using a large, well known, Texas agency.

When I found them 4 years ago, living in Florida, they said that their parents had come from Mississippi to adopt them.

I also have a family friend, adopted in the 70's, who came from 'out of state'. I never pressed - but later heard he was born in California and his parents who adopted him lived in Texas.

So, I'd say it's not impossible.

[Oceans]

Uhhhh... My stomach sunk a little bit.

This was a private adoption but if he was doing a lot of adoptions I suppose the same thing would apply. The attorney is a biz attorney now but I know a lot of start out in family law...

Probably was back in the day when networking letters really worked...

[RavenSong]

Oceans, if this was a private adoption, I'd think there's a good chance your son was placed out your local area. I think that was a common practice for private adoptions and agencies, even in the 1980s.

I always knew my son was being raised in San Diego, only because I chose to surrender him thru the County Department of Social Services. Back in the 1970's, there were basically 3 choices in San Diego (other than private adoption): the County, Children's Home Society, or Catholic Charities. I went with the County because I mistakenly thought they'd do a more thorough background check and homestudy of the potential adoptive parents. I didn't want to go with a private arrangement because I didn't think I'd do as good a job screening PAPs as the County would.

These days, I question myself all the time about whether I made the right decision as to which agency to use. When I was pregnant, I was approached by a tenured professor (department chairperson) from a nationally renowned university who wanted to adopt my baby. I had taken some advanced-placement college-level courses at the university when I was only 14 years old, so I think the professor and his wife thought my child would show the same academic prowess. I turned him down, though, because I felt uncomfortable with my own ability to judge him and his wife as PAPs ~ I didn't trust my own judgment. Some days I really think I should have explored that option further, rather than going to the County Adoptions' office.

The County social worker assured me that she planned to place my son into an educationally focused family, especially since education was such a big thing in my own family. But she lied to me, and placed DS in a home where both parents only had high-school educations. They not only didn't encourage my son to excel in academics, they let him drop out of high school. (Can you tell I have a chip on my shoulder about it, lol?!!)

[Oceans]

Kind of what I am thinking (parents lived out of state).... Altho, I can't shake the feeling that everyone knew each other... The Dr, the Attny and the Aparents. From the info I got, the parents lived in a Golf Country Club and have a swimming pool. I know where they attny lives (no I didn't stalk) - His addy was printed on his card (from 1981) with his home phone... and the attny lives in a Country Club in my city... One of the "old" ones....

That said...I am also thinking a neighboring State makes (more) sense...

About the County.... I don't blame you for being mad. You have to wonder what would have been different. For myself, I asked for 2 things. My son be told he was adopted and that the family be Catholic.... Turns out they were not... Well she is, he was not which tells me neither practiced. I suppose I should have been more specific!!

But what did we know... we were just silly kids in trouble...

BUT AT LEAST (my son's parents) HAVE LOTS OF $$$!!! According to my Mom NOW the adoption has worked out well for all of us...

Glad she can stop worrying now...

Grrrr.... Sorry that didn't go over well with me this afternoon... LOL

[BrandyHagz]

BUT AT LEAST (my son's parents) HAVE LOTS OF $$$!!! According to my Mom NOW the adoption has worked out well for all of us...

I know you're being sarcastic - but from personal expereince, $ does not = a good life. Isn't it funny how people assume that...? It's always been odd to me personally, because I am often told that in regards to my own life (being adopted by a wealthy family) yet, in the same breath, the same person will often say things like "money doesn't buy happiness".

I guess money only doesn't by happiness in biological families Apparently, it's the one item available to adoptive families that no one else can get

[loveajax]

oceans, if the lawyer was local, i suspect the adoption was local too because most lawyers back then practiced in only one state, and as you say, no internet, etc. but i don't know how non-ID works...does it just give a parent info from the time of the adoption....I suppose they could have moved from then, etc.

i think given that you know your son's bdate and his first name (which isn't "Tom" or "Bill"), you really are on the trail....i forget whether you are using a searcher? GOOD LUCK!

[Oceans]

Brandy: Oh yeah... I was being sarcastic!!

I guess money only doesn't by happiness in biological families Apparently, it's the one item available to adoptive families that no one else can get

That cracks me up... Can I give you my Mom's number? LOL... Really, if she feels better now wel then, I'm happy...

LA: The licensing in a different state is a good point too... Actuall my BF brought that up earlier (I forgot ) And yes, the info is from 1981/82 (finalization maybe?) so they definately could have moved.

I'm probably going to hold off on the searcher for awhile... I need a break!

[loveajax]

Oceans, go at whatever pace works for you! DH "sat" on the info on his birth mom for months and months...it was drivng ME batty, but I had to realize he needed to do it when he was good and ready. I hope you are feeling OK....!

[Oceans]

I hope you are feeling OK....!

I feel GREAT!!!! Maybe even giddy!!!

[loveajax]

giddy, eh? i just don't want you to be distracted from cookie and ice cream-dispensing...hahahaha! i am really excited for you....!