[crea]

I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right section, but I'm desperate for replies...


I'm here because earlier today, I found the website of a woman I believe to be my birth mother. Her name (first middle initial and last) matched the name I have and so does the information about where she went to college and when she graduated. While I know that there's the chance it isn't her, I can't help but believe it would be hard for it not to be her with the connections that I made. Now that I know her email address (don't know her mailing address) I am contemplating whether or not I should email her. I wrote a small letter and it is short and vague, but contains enough specific information that she would know it is me.

Another problem is that I do not know what to tell my parents. I recently started at college for my freshman year and I don't know how they would react to my telling them. While they've said they would support my decision to search for her, I feel like now would not be a great time. Should I email her first and then take things from there depending on how she responds? Or should I take the risk and tell my mother (whose sister was adopted and searched, but failed) and father?

Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated because I have no friends that can relate to my situation like any of you can.

[hprestonalexand]

Well you certainly have friends here who can relate and support you.
So sounds like you have talked a bit with your folks in the past about searching, that is really good, that they have some idea that you wanted to and will not be shocked. Plus if they say they would support whatever you choose, double yeah!
My situation, my folks always supported me searching as well, but over time it seemed each time I got closer to finding my b/m my folks became a bit more resistant and supportive and became defensive and I guess standoffish? I think it is very hard for the adoptive parents no matter how supportive they really do want to be for thier adopted child, it is still scary when thire child decides to search.
It really is up to you and how you feel.
If you want to pursue sending this prospective birth mother a letter and do what you need to do and then be able to smooth things over with your folks once you have exacts and proper info, that is not a bad idea.
Or if you would like them to know staight up what you are doing as to avoid confusing and hurting them and they may be able to support you through this, that is wonderful also. I don't think eihter idea is bad, but it is up to you what you choose to do and it all depends on you and your relationship with your folks and how you feel twards your adoption.

Good luck to you, sure hope this all works out.
Keep us posted please.
Remember, you have friends here

[shirleyville]

Hi, Crea!
If I were in your situation, I would send the e-mail to the woman you suspect might be your birthmom, and see what happens......then, you can decide what you want to share with your family.
If, for some reason, this woman isn't your birthmom, then you have nothing to share....and in my world, at least, there's no reason to raise an issue until there's one to raise.
I will also share something with you......
When I learned my birthmom's name, I located a woman on line within an hour of learning her name, who had the same exact name, born in the same exact month and year who ended up NOT being my birthmom. She even taught journalism at a university in Florida....and I was a journalism major in school, and have a natural aptitude for writing. I was sure it was her.....she never married, never had other children.....everything seemed to fit......but it wasn't the right woman, in the end.
I'm not trying to discourage you in any way -- I just want you to be prepared that this may not be your birthmom.
I'd send off the e-mail and see what happens. Then, you can take it from there.
Hugs,
Sally