[vidcamnut]

i recently found my bmom,( thanks to the AMAZING people on this forum! thanks) ive talked to her twice, once i called, then she called me a few days ago.. now, im asking the amazing angels here a favor,( or to tell me its a dumb idea) when i talk to her, i get the strongest feeling she was a rape victem,just from they feeling i get, the way she answers certain questions, so is there any way to go back 9months prior my birthday and check police records? if its not a good idea, pleasetell me, i feel i cant ask her, ya know? well, if anyone can help me, i was born 7/2/67 oakland,ca but it was thru santa barbara county adoptions,thru pastor chuck gibbs at the first christian in santa maria,ca.my birthname was beth irene grissom, [Edited To Remove a Identifying information for confidentiality purposes.]id like to find my fathers name, ( even if the worst and he is a rapist) its not on my birthcertificate or any papers anywhere. she acts shocked that i would even ask about him.is there anyone that can help? maybe if i know this, ill be able to approch her different,makesense? well if anyone can helpme, its the amazing angels here... ps. to new people on this board, these people are amazing, if they havent found anything for you, give it time.. if it can be done, these guys will do it.. thank you so much

[Montraviatommyg]

This is a difficult one so at the moment personally, if it was me, I wouldn't rush into finding out what exactly happened. You're more likely to get the answers you want by being patient and building up a relationship with your bmother first. Wanting the truth is perfectly natural and you have every right to ask, I would in the same situation. My situation is different as I'm in reunion with my son so my comments are based on my own experience. The subject of my son's bfather is a sticky one with us even after a year which is why I'm not repeating here publically. He knows know that he will never get to know his bfather which does sadden me but it's something we both have to live with. This doesn't mean the same will happen to you but timing is very important here.

If your bmother was a rape victim then it will have been a traumatic time for her. Bear in mind she may have other reasons for her attitude, has she said anything about the background of your conception? At the moment I am hesitant to make suggestions about what to do next as I feel you will be just as likely to make progress by building a relationship with your bmother. Hope everything moves forward positively.

Pip

[vidcamnut]

thank you for your reply, you make sense, i guess i feel like that ( that she was a victem) because of the way she answered about any questions of my bdad, she wasnt like an exhusband or boyfriend she now hates,but more like 'what? how could you ask me about such athing?' and when i first asked her, she was like, 'what? well, hes in prison!' like i should have known that or something,really shocked that i would even bring up such a subject, not a 'well i hate that jerk' kinda thing, make sense? so thats why i kinda was wondering about police records, if it turns out she was, then i dont want to ask her anymore about him.( she wouldnt know and it would only upset her) but if its an ex, then i could be like 'come on, i hate my ex too'..ya know? but im glad i ran it by you guys, you actually know whereasof you speak,not an 'expert' because you watched oprah...thanks again... but if anyone could find out, id really appreciate it,because i dont want to pry

[katnap80]

Not that I am an "expert" but I do have an opinion. IMO, Like, Pip's I think it would be better to develop and strengthen your relationship with your birth mother before even approaching the subject agin. In due time she may loosen up and "go there". Reunion is difficult on it's own. You don't want to rip open any wounds and potentially set up roadblocks in your pending relationship with the parent you have contacted.
Wishing you nothing but the best of luck with your reunion.

"K"

[Jensboys]

Please remember that you are posting HIGHLY personal information about your birthmom that identifies her current name and home location without her permission. The forums can be accessed by ANYONE and are read by 1000s. Please be sensitive to the position of your birthmom before spreading such information about her. Further identifying posts will be deleted completely.

Jensboys