[birth_mother]

As a birthmother do I have a right to tell my son, who was adopted, who his birthfather is? Birthfather also signed adoption forms. I live in Indiana, which is a closed records state. Could I get into any trouble by telling his info, or by posting any of his info. I do not know if he wants to be contacted or not.

[geogdeb]

No one can stop you from telling your child who the father is (unless you signed something saying you wouldn't tell -- which I am sure you didn't). The only ones legally obligated to keep information confidential are the adoption agencies and the states.

If I ever find my son, I will give him all the information that I have. He deserves to know where he came from and who he is biologically related to.

Deb

[dustyrose101]

Please tell your son!!! He deserves to know!!!

I am in this situation. I am 39 yrs old and just found out that my "dad" isn't my Birth Father, and my mother isn't helping me, she wouldn't even give me his name.

I found out his name through requesting my Baptismal Record and the help of another family member. I am trying to put the pieces together as we speak.

I live in New Jersey so I am not sure of all the Laws...so if anyone out there can give me advice, I would greatly appreciate it!!

[misspiwackit]

When my son and I reunited 02/04 he naturally asked about his birthfather. I located him and found out that contact at this time would not be good, his wife was dying and under the care of hopice. This was told to our son and it was agreed that there would be no contact until after the birthfather's wife passed away.

Just as some adoptees and birthmothers are located at a time in their lives when they cannot accept this information or reunion I feel that the birthfather has the same (for lack of a better word) right to have some time to adjust to this possible reunion or contact.

[Dame Beatrice]

I agree, the son has a right to know. Whether the father is known or not the child has a need to know the truth , if not now then later when he can accept it. Only you know whether the son is mature enough to handle this . Good luck, Bea

[blankenb4]

I think that they have every right to know the birthfather as well as the birthmother.

[birth_mother]

Originally Posted by birth_mother

As a birthmother do I have a right to tell my son, who was adopted, who his birthfather is? Birthfather also signed adoption forms. I live in Indiana, which is a closed records state. Could I get into any trouble by telling his info, or by posting any of his info. I do not know if he wants to be contacted or not.

So should I tell the birthfather that I will be involing him and his family when I begin my serious search or just let my son surprise him?. Which could rish my son getting hurt feeling. The birthfather may get things in the mail or whaterever I'm not sure, his name will be posted on the internet reunion databases and with searchs such as adoption.com. He may want to be reunited but I don't believe his wife wants him to. Who do I think of here, myself, my son, the birthfather, his wife and family.
For myself and my son, I don't care, but I wouldn't want my son to be rejected by his birthfather.

But it is all about the adoptee I think. Not the birthfathers wife.

[blankenb4]

I am of the opinion that it is mostly about the adoptee. At this stage, you don't need to involve the birthfather. You can post your information without involving his name. Personally, I would only release the information about the birthfather if your son asks you. He may not even be interested. He may just want to take one step at a time. I say if he asks tell him, otherwise just let sleeping dogs lie.

Hugs,

Barbara

[cafedujour]

Deb, is the last name Kappus?
I am Deb also, in IN

[Volfe]

Please be aware that some states make it Illegal for a birth parent to tell their child the identity of the other birth parent. I know - backwards, archaic and WRONG... but Mississippi implemented this law when all states were ordered to create laws about searching (CIs came into being at this time, state registries too, etc).

IMHO, the adoptee deserves to know. However, I would just contact the birth father and ask HIS say, his thoughts... about being included or having his info handed out.

Maia

[geogdeb]

No, that's not my last name. I'm in KY. Deb