[srchin']

That would be pretty freakin cool if your dad was Waylon Jennings Anyway so you have a b-day, city, and state of birth for bdad. Does the state have an online birth index?? I'm from TX and it does, that's why I ask. Or maybe they have it on record at the library or something......hmmm......that's a really valuable info and I think a bunch can be done with that. Finding your true intentions is always best (I'm still searching for that everyday). I've found it hard to sort through my own intentions with all of these emotions. GOTTA GO>>>SORRY>>

srchin'

[nugget]

I also just went back through some of my paper work and while I do know the city and state my bdad was born in I do not have his dob, just his age. That could be a bummer.
Hmmmmmm.

[hnnybnny]

Hi...as an adoptee that just recently found her b-mom(after 41 yrs) I would also send him one last note with your contact information but you also have to respect his request. I want to know all of my bmom's info and anything i can get my hands on...my brother on the other hand (a-brother) has no desire to know anything...feels like it is "their loss and f-em" so everyone feels differently. Do what feels good for you but respect his feelings too.

[ChristiBender]

Nugget.... moving on from the brother issue.. since that is "done"...

So you are working on figuring out your intentions with regard to contact with your grandparents... hum.. heady stuff to be sure. I liked the honesty with which you stated you were looking for people to "want" you. That is a very courageous statement and one I think many of us can relate to.

Until you are more secure in your confidence with that letter to them... I think you should hold off. You knew when and what to say to your brother.. and when the time is right I truly believe you will know when and how to contact them as well.

I think you are struggling with a common issue with adoptees.... "Do we have a right to contact other members of the birthfamily outside of our parents?" This comes up after a bparent has died or when they have refused contact.....
I think at this time I am still a little unclear as to how close you are to Karen.

I am glad that she is being open with you about sharing any info that might fall into her hands upon her grandparent's deaths.... but who knows when that might be... that could be years from now..... and you are right - those things do have a way of disappearing.

Your situation is certainly one that needs to be handled with respect to Karen's wishes..... but, when do your needs outweigh her wishes.... and how likely is it that you will get any of the info you are seeking??

ARGH..... if ever there was a time for a crystal ball this is it... huh???? You are doing really well though in not rushing forward.... That takes a lot of maturity and self control. I think highly of you for how you are handling this situation.

[nugget]

You know I really hate maturity and self control!!!
I'll figure out what to do at some point. And if I'm too late and they pass, well maybe that's the way it is supposed to go as well. If you do find the crystal ball can I borrow it? Boy that would be a money maker!

To anyone I may have been harsh yesterday and I am truely sorry for my tone. It was a difficult and long day and I took it out here on totally innocent people who were only trying to support and give their input. I hope you just blew me off. I did not intend to be a "B" when I got on the computer yesterday!

Have a great day all,
Wendy

[skinnylou]

Wendy everyone here comes with passion. Passion does not always include tact. I didn't see anything out out line though. We are all entitled to have our day!!!! This isn't an easy journey for anyone!! We just come at it from different directions with different experiences.

Hope your day was better!!!

[beth1965]

Just picked up this thread and may be chiming in a bit late.

I really don't think you should tell him that your bmother is deceased. It is correct that he has a right to know. But, he also has a right not to know. He is exercising that right by not asking. It's the old military "don't ask, don't tell policy".

Reunion is unbelievably emotional. In his comments about too much drama, I think he is protecting himself from that emotional upheaval (IMO). He also has an adoptive family and his immediate family that may be factoring in in ways that you are not privy to. I hope you have, or will soon, send one final email with contact information. Then, unless you move, I would honor that commitment. Should anything change, send him an update.

You mentioned also that you only had his email address. For the possibility of future contact, if you move, you probably should try to get some other contact info just to keep on file. I have a few sources that even have unlisted info. PM me if you'd like me to do so for you.

Good Luck.

[weebecci]

Oh Wendy
Why didn't you tell me huny? I did not know THAT was the email?? YIKESSSSSS...Just a quick note to remind u I love ya and I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU HUNY!!!!!!
Hugs
Your lifelong..soulmate..hug pal ,,,best buddy ferevaaaaaa!

[nugget]

No worries hun! We have a lot more adventures to look forward to! This will be a long book!!
Hugs and luvs
Wendy

[ChristiBender]

So.... just to bump this thread.... he he

My bmom will be here, in Florida with me, in 18 hours..... her stay will be over March 5... which is the one year anniversary of our first face to face.....

This forum kept us both going..... thank you to all who have shown us your support.

What a ride!

[nugget]

Wow. I know you've known her for a year but are you still nervous about the visit? Let us know how it goes.
I have decided to send the grandparents a letter. I'll tell them that I am one of the children that Dottye placed for adoption but not give the date.
And I will go on to tell them where I grew up and where I am now blah blah blah. I'll end it like......
If you would ever like to share your memories about Dottye with me I would be a very eager listener and proud to know more about her.
Of coarse I will run everything through spell check and then hand write it!!
Do you think it would come across wrong if I also told them I would be interested in any extra photos they might want to share? Does that seem tacky? I am keeping in mind that they may never reply at all but again I always have hope!!
Wendy

[Volfe]

I love that your signature keeps changing

Um, I don't think it's tacky. I'll keep my fingers crossed you get a good resonse!

hugs
Maia

PS Congrats and good weekend wishes to you and your mom Chris

[krielly]

I don't think it's "tacky" either. As this may be your only chance to communicate..I would "go for it". That way you will have no regrets. Good luck!

[FL_GirlByProxy]

CHRISTI AND CHRIS!! I am wishing you a wonderful time together! I'm so glad this is happening for you both. ENJOY!!

[nugget]

Well I am going to send a letter to my "Grandparents" for sure. I started working on it last night. Hope to finish and send it out today. Want to make it sound as open and caring as I can.
Ok you all. Be preparred for me to panic and get anxous about a response. I do in my mind know they may not, probably won't respond. But in my heart and gut I really really hope that they do. They are the ones who knew her as an adult.
Funny enough when I told my sis that I was going to go ahead and send them a letter her response was "That's fine. Just know that I will not lie to them. If they ask me if I know about you I will tell them yes. And if they ask me your Birth date I will tell them".
Well that was interesting to me only because I don't care if they know those things and was keeping them out of the letter as she requested. So, I'll let you know what happens or what doesn't happen!

Christie........how's it going? Ya like you'd be online during your visit!!! Let us know.
Wendy