[Findinmyway]

Hi all. This is my first time posting to any sort of adoption forum. 12 years ago my mom told me the family "secret". I had an older brother, he is my 1/2 brother. I am guessing around 4 years older than me. I don't have any information, birthdate, birthplace etc. What I want to do is ask persmission from my mom if it is okay if I begin searching for him. She has information I am sure. She told me about him 12 years ago and has not mentioned anything since about him and this bothers me......ALOT. I have a younger sister and brother. My sister knows, not sure if my brother knows. What we would like to do it write a letter to her, we would read it out loud to her of course, well my sister would. I am to emotional for that. The letter would let her know that we are there for her and also would tell her that we want to search, but I am not sure she wants to. Could someone please help me with some sort of letter to my mom, I don't want to pressure her but for 12 years I have thought about my brother and if she didn't want me to find him, I would have just rather she kept that bit of info to herself. Your help is greatly appreciated.

[scarlet52698]

I don't have any advice but wish you lots of luck in your search

[dl]

Findinmyway ~ I think writing a letter to your Mom and then your sister and you sitting down in a calm setting and your sister reading it out loud to her is a very good approach. As you're not sure at this point if your brother knows, I personally would not include him at this point.

I would let your Mom know how much you both love her and value her nurturing the relationship that the three of you siblings share. How much you value the family that you are a part of. But, you're both aware that there is another part of your family that is unknown to you ~ your half-brother. Let her know this feels like a loss to the two of you and you would both very much like to find him and hopefully include him in your lives. Mention that you're both aware that you don't know the details and don't want to cause her any pain or discomfort but this has been something that you have thought about for 12 years ~ ever since she shared with you the knowledge that you had an older brother. Ask for her thoughts ~ and then be prepared to listen. Let her express herself and try not to argue. Depending on what she shares, the two of you could allow her some time to think about it and decide what you are able to do from there. I would not say anything to your Mom about "if she didn't want me to find him, I would have just rather she kept that bit of info to herself" . IMO, that would not be a positive comment to her. I do understand your feeling that way, but I personally wouldn't mention it. The feelings of your Father may influence her response and you and your sister will want to consider his feelings as well.

Just my thoughts after reading your post.

If you write a letter and want some feedback before reading it to your Mom, you can post on this thread or pmessage a member.

Please do post on this thread and let us know how things work out.

Hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck ~ dl

[Montraviatommyg]

I agree a letter is a good idea and just let your mum know you love her, it's good you want to find your older brother.

Montravia

[Lis6191]

Findinmyway, I agree. Write a letter. When emotions are running high we often forget what we wanted to say and then things come out all wrong. My adoptive family still cannot accept my need/desire to have a relationship with my birth family. It is hard when you don't have support, but that doesn't meet you should deny yourself the right to search for him.

Just keep reassuring your mom that you love her and tell her you respect her and this in no way "replaces" any member of your family. I'm a strong believer that love multiplies, it will not be divided between your afamily and bfamily.

Keep us updated! Good luck

[Findinmyway]

Thank you, Thank you all for the advice I really do appreciate it. I will begin writing the letter soon. I just need to pull my thoughts together. My sister and I both agreed that we would not include our brother, because he was not told. I will let my mom tell him, or if she wants us to tell him then I will do that for her. I just really need to ask her about it, life is so short and we are all getting older. Thank you again, i will update here once I have wrote the letter and once we have asked her about it. We plan on doing this in a couple of weeks.

[csgriffin]

First of all, the feedback you have received is wonderful. It is obvious that the readers really care about your situation. I do not know your faith; however, a small prayer might make all the differance in the world. I wish you luck and I hope that everything works out for you.

[Findinmyway]

Just want to quickly say that I finally did approach her on Birthmother's Day and asked her about my older brother. Anyway to make a long story short, we FOUND him and we are so thrilled! We should also be meeting him soon. I just wish I would have opened my mouth earlier, but oh well I did and he loves talking to us, just as we love talking to him. We have so much to tell him and more! Just want to tell everyone out there that are looking and am thinking about giving up, please don't! IT will happen when you least expect it........We searched a total of 2 months so ours went fairly quickly, I wish the same for everyone else! Yay I am so happy!!!

[levigram]

What a WONDERFUL story! I love happy endings.

[katnap80]

Findin'..... Congratulations on your speedy search. May you and your family having nothing but happiness. It brings a tear of joy to my eyes when I read about sucessful reunions.
Take Care,
"K"

[Kushelkitten]

((HUGS)) I am in a similar situation but have no good advice for you. I hope everything works out in the end.

[doughton]

I am sooo happy for you. I hope that when I find my bio sister, that things will go as smoothly. Good luck with everything! Jennie