[Nwitt]

When I found out that I was adopted I also found out that I have 2 possible fathers.. I have been in contact with my b-mom and she refuses that there are 2 possible fathers that she always knew who my father was... So my question to her was why did the non-father have to sign a release form of his rights to me..? I have all the info I need to contact the man that my b-mom says is my father but I am afriad to call... I am still in search for the other non-father but have had no luck.. I am not sure what to do...~! any help is welcomed.

[MTL]

Can you get any photos? Any school, classmates-type for any comparisons? If not, then go with what you have. What is your gut telling you? Listen to it carefully, quietly; you will have the answer. Stay very calm. Now you must listen to your inner voice. Contact that father, that man. If you are still not sure of your voice, then both men must be contacted. It's one or the other, can't be both, can it?
I am a birthmother, myself. What is so clear for one birthmother, being removed from your situation, is that emotionally your birthmother wants one man to be your birthfather: it is all important to her. I can understand that, completely. However, this is all about finding you; finding all about who you are. And, to do this, it means you must have the courage to delve into an area on your own terms. Own yourself, completely, you will free yourself, and your birthparents, as well. Good luck, I hope this helps in some small way.
M.T. Lyons, birthmother 4/5/1974; found her 5/2004

[Nwitt]

I want to thankyou for your response..! I have been fighting the fear to contant my "b-father" for over 10 years.. I am scared of what I am going to hear.. I have been in touch with his mother and she had no idea that I was every born.. I gave her my number for layne to call but he never did.. I have asked my b-mom every question that I think of.. and I dont understand why she could not be involved with contacting the man she says is my father..? I have pictures of both men and I know that deep down in my heart that the man my b-mom says is my dad is.. I still would like to know both sides of the story... I just dont know where to start..?

[MTL]

Why live in fear? Tell you what. Practice with me. What is it you are afraid of? Would you like to call me? You can just practice a few times to get all the nerves out. I will let you do that? My email is mmmlikebuttah@socal.rr.com.
Email me. Identify yourself, and we'll practice, I'll give you my phone numbers and we'll just go from there. I understand it's scary.
Here's a little background FYI. I placed a call to my birthdaughter. She called me right back. But we still haven't met. I called her as soon as I found her, 5/29/04. She called me right back 5/30/04. We set up a few meetings, but she hasn't been able to meet me, yet. She sent me two photos. I've sent her all kinds of momentos, personal items to help her put our faces together, to create an "us-ness" and I'm waiting for her call. Meanwhile, I just hold it together, knowing that she will call. Monday she received the big UPS package I sent her: my parent's wedding photos; their wedding bands; my mother's wedding ensemble; her engagement pin; all my school portraits; more personal family portraits; personal items that were handmade for my mother and me and worn by us; and more items; and newspaper articles on our family for her to have a feeling of connectedness. It's been 30 years and since I relinquished her; if I have to wait another 30 years, then I will.
I know she is alive and has been cherished.
Most importantly: I know others whom I reach out to for support, I read, I ask for support, and help any who ask me questions for support, making myself available, too.
Isn't this just what we're all about? We're all conquering some fears, and believe me, you're helping me, too. I am honored to be of any help I can.
I contacted her birthfather and birthuncle also. Both apologized to me for what I went through, because I was abandoned and told to abort her. They told me how wrong they were! Over and over! Wow! I had no one to help me then, no options but to think of her higher good, when I relinquished her. I suffered, as I still do, all these many years later.
I am sure your birthmother does, as I am sure your birthfather has, if he learns you are searching for him. People will surprise you. They have me, as they have so many in our ever-widening circle of friends as we courageously open our doors to meet more adoptees, birthmothers and birthfathers, adoptive parents, and all our families. Trust me on this one, sweetie. Let's get that door open for you. You are strong, and you are ready, aren't you? Time to practice. We have time, loads of time. That's what we're here for, helping each other. Email me when you're ready. I'm a teacher, I'm also completing an accelerated Master's Program, so I've got some time to squeeze you in. I live in Huntington Beach, California. 'ta for now. Be well. M.T. (Marie Terese) Lyons.