[lewellen]

Hi all,

Just to bring you up to speed, I'm a semi-reunited adoptee. Mothers family has been found and we are currently in reunion. Just found out that the person they first told me was my b-dad couldn't possibly be my b-dad (living out of state at time of conception+vascestomy (sp?). Have probable first name of likely suspect b-dad. I, in fact, may have a line on him, right name, right age, right area etc.... I got pretty good at this when I did the first search. This guy only lives about thirty miles from me.

Okay, what do I do? Frankly the reunion with b-sibs has me worn out. I would like medical info etc......but the complications almost out weigh the advantages.

Also he was married with children at the time of my birth, from what I can find, he still is. He may not be aware of my birth and he would have reason to doubt paternity.

I'm open to suggestions here, give me some advice.


LewEllen

[Laura Palmer]

You could write him a letter. I have a copy of the one I use, that is pretty good & gets them interested. If you wish I can PM you a copy of it. Please let me know. Thanks. Good luck!

[ea55wab]

I think I would send him a letter------ he may want to share his medical stuff, what could it hurt him ?? Wait for a call or letter back. If it doesnt happen, ie no response, to me that means he is thinking about it. If he writes back " NO WAY " etc. , I would let it go. If no answer back ie he is still thinking about it, I would repeat the letter one more time in a few months. By then he might be ready. Go with your best " gut" feelings and pray. Ellen

[lewellen]

My original post wasn't a how to contact post, it was do I want to mess with it or not post. I got the ticket, can find the door, just not sure if I want to go to the show. The reveiws are mixed.


LewEllen

[ea55wab]

sorry--- your posting requested advice and I gave it . Said you were open to suggestions and I suggested. Ellen

[BrandyHagz]

I dunno LewEllen...if you're worn from the current "state of affairs"...I wouldn't add to it...but then again, its right there in front of you...so why not?!

Are you going to what if yourself to death if you don't? Are the what if's better or worse than kicking yourself if it turns out bad?

If it were me...if I had a name and a likely location, I'd do it...just because I want to know I have done all I can to get to the bottom of things.

No stone left unturned...thats kinda how I look at it.

Good luck with whatever you choose...its a hard choice!

[ladymoonlite]

Seems more like the question. It sounds like the search is over, and you've found the person you're looking for. I can relate to the question, as I'm a half-sibling in search of the child my mother gave up before my birth. I know who the father is, but I don't think it would do me any good to contact him. I'm sure I would feel differently if I were the son, as I'd want medical information and such.

I'm curious, though - If I may ask, what wore you out about the reunion? Were your sibling demanding of time? Information? I don't want anyone to feel worn out by my actions.. should reuniting time ever come!

[lewellen]

ladymoonlite,

The "wore out" is one of those "may you get what you wish for" things. I got lots of information (hard to process quickley) and two new sisters. They are wonderful and I adore them, but as with any relationship, especially a new one, there is work involved. I imagine after we get to know each other better things will settle down. It's just kind of intense now.

LewEllen

[ladymoonlite]

Oh, I see. "I always envied those people with sisters" kind of thing. Didn't realize how much work we can be, huh?

I guess my brothers are so UN-demanding of my time that I can't imagine my "new" brother becoming burdensome. Must be a girl-thing, huh?

Thanks for your reply!

lml

[radiodoll]

WAIT. If you're this overtaxed right now (and who wouldn't be), let it settle for more time. Since you know where to go, you can spend some more "down time" for yourself. I think you'll KNOW when you feel the need to go on.

Congrats and good for you.

Radiodoll