[MTL]

FatBirdy, SnowPrincess, and Skinnylou,
First, thank each of you for your encouragement. I'm probably over emotional due to the stress of two chemical peels in one week's time, as you know on my face and arms for skin cancer. So, we'll just chalk up a lot of my "bummness" to that. I am much better reading all you've written, your encouragement is astounding in it's generosity of feeling. Much help to me.
Having my bdaughter, Marisa, contact my her half-sib and my youngest daughter Heather (whom were are just going to say sister, because phooey on the half-stuff, we're blood, right!) is wonderful. My son (again, phooey on the half-sib stuff), Cory, is in the Army, and I also gave Marisa his address. I've written to him, too. Now Marisa is their older sister! So if sibs talk, email, etc. then what could be a greater gift? Marisa will get to know me through them, we all are remarkedly similar in features, medical history, etc. Marisa is almost Heather's look-a-like, and also Cory, so they are all parts of me.
If she doesn't want to meet me, let's say ever, then I could live with that, and I'd still be in therapy, that wouldn't change! I would still talk to everyone on the forum, the participate in chats, and go to triad meetings. The important fact: "Marisa thanked me for her life, for giving me her life when I could have aborted, and she has exceptional parents, a wonderful non-related asister who is her big sister, and a whole slew of cousins (everyone is adopted for medical reasons)." And most important, "She knew that I always loved her, and her parent's do, too." I know that this is the hope of every aparent, so that puts in place that I did the right thing for her, and settles me in a completely peace-filled way. Two hopes and dreams have come to fruition.
She and I are the example, we are the first to have contact: so I want to do everything right. I want to keep in mind, in front of my emotions, that Marisa will set our pace, she has complete control, which I have come to understand is the most important factor for all adoptees, and this is from adoptees and bmoms. I've let her know that she sets our pace, I will learn cues from her. I've learned from everyone that successful reunions don't happen overnight: we have to develop a relationship and I know I've lots to learn about reuniting, having put so much into searching.
I've books to read, tapes and cd's to listen to, as well as all of you, and this will help me keep faith that we've come this far, we'll get futher along as well. It's been 30 years and two months from relinquishment to the end of the search, we've only been "found" for a month. That's not a very long time in the scheme of things, is it when put this way!
Love, M.T. Lyons (oh, and Marisa's initials: MLT, how about that!!!)