[hprestonalexand]

Hello all, I have been talking with my therapist lately about my adoption issues. I am an adoptee. I always thought I was not upset at my b/mom, just confused and wanted info. Lately I am realizing that I am upset and in some ways mad, and I am not completely sure why? Does anyone else feel this way, are you upset too? I surely do not want to bash b/moms, I have no reason to do so, I know it is a difficult desisicon to give up your child. So why am I so upset. I am getting closer and closer in my search which has been going on now for six years. Maybe it is just anxiety? I just know that I am allot more upset than I thought I was and it is very hard for me to understand all of this. I don't want to be mad, I know I didn't have the best childhood with my a/family, things are much better now, and I know my feelings about the whole issue changed when I had my own kids. Just thought i'd vent and see if someone has some insight for me
Thanks all

[mxdad418]

Good question, I can't say that i am, but what does upset me and make me angry is the mindset of our politicians and those lawmakers who have mad it nearly impossible for ADULT adoptees to access their OBC's. This, if you have been searching, could be some of your problem. As far as b-mom's, i believe they have the right to their privacy if they so wish, just not pertainent information which would satisfy most adoptees. As an adoptee i do believe every adoptee who wants information released should be granted complete access but only after approval of the local court whose jurisdiction the adoption took place. And the same for b-parents.

JMO

Mark 08-17-53

"I was born to a woman I never knew and raised by another who took in orphans. I do not know my background, my lineage, my biological or cultural heritage. But when I meet someone now, I treat them with respect. For after all, they could be my people." James Michener

[hprestonalexand]

I am having trouble in my search obviously because I do not have enough information and I had a private adoption, so no one cares about my rights as an adoptee to know my history or medical background. And this really stinks!! Just recently I have been told I have a minor medical condition that is said to be hereditary and that bugs me. Not much I can do or have any questions answered even if it is just mear curiosity. This is really horrible for the adoptee. I don't want to invade my b/mothers life or bring back old baggage, but I feel I should have the right to my medical history and some information as to who I am!!! I am questioning my reasons for searching because I thought I just wanted my medical history, but I want so much more. And I am mad at the system and upset that my b/mother left me with nothing, not a letter or a picture, nothing. Thanks for your response, I feel better knowing others feel the same! Take care

[mxdad418]

Your welcome, and most all of the adoptees i've spoken to including myself received nothing. I don't hold that against my b-mom as i was not there and don't know what she went through although i have my suspicions. I was a product of the 50's era which was a time of secrecy and shame. My heart goes out to all the b-mom's from that era and for those of today.

What state were you relinquished in?
Have you contacted the agency that handled the adoption?
What year were you adopted?

Put some of this info out and there may be someone who could help further your search.....Just an Idea...

Mark 08-17-53

[hprestonalexand]

I was adopted from California to a family in Oregon, the adoption was finalized in Oregon. It was a private adoption, atorney to atorney and court. So i'v done what I can. I got a concent to contact form and applied for my non id. My heart also goes out to all of the b/moms from the 50s 60s, but I am not so sure about the 80s. I was born 10/18/80. Thanks for any help. I have posted my info, but I will do more! Take care

[sara schuelein]

Dear All,

I have found reading your posts interesting. As an adoptee, who also was given with no information which to even research my heritidge or medical background, I aslo have anger harboured about my situation. There are things that come up in my life that I know are related back to my being adopted. And I too have been diagnosed recently with a genetic disease that I suffered with for ages before it was worked out what was going on. So I sympathize with what you could be going through.

I read on one of the posts recently that catholic Charities were changing info on b/certificate as late as 1986! I have suspicions that my b/date was also changed, which makes it impossible to find even the most basic of info. Something has to change in the legal proccess of adoption for the sake of adoptees. I understand how some b/moms do not want to be contacted, that is fine, but I think all background info should be given at birth and left with the parents who have adopted a child. We have a right to know where we've come from.

Take care.

[l-thompson]

The emotions that come with searching and hopefully, subsequent reunion are perplexing to say the least. I was quite surprised at all the feelings that surfaced especially after contact had been made.

Working through and talking with your therapist prior to reuniting sounds like a very helpful thing to do. Reunion bursts the dam wide open and if you have had the opportunity to talk to someone prior to this happening it will possibly ease the intense feelings a little, when contact is finally made.

I searched for many, many years and had almost reached the stage where I really believed contact would never be made....then one day, when I least expected it...surprise!!
Birthmom, Birthdad, two full brothers and a full sister. Overwhelming...and thats putting it mildly!!

Good luck and best wishes to you. I really hope you get some answers soon.

[snuffie]

I understand your feelings. I too searched and searched for many many years. All of a sudden things just fell into place.
My ebook telling my story is in the adoption store. It is called "THe Hummingbird".

Reunion also brings up a lot of emotions. So it is good that you have a therapist "on board".

Does the state you were born in have an adoption record search agency? This would be a state agency that can help you even though yours was a private adoption. In my state the fees are reasonable. What about the lawyer who helped with your adoption? Some are sympathetic although I have spoken with a few who believe that files should be left untouched.
Mine was not a private adoption, but I also did not receive any info. Then the laws here relaxed a bit and I requested my non ID
info. Much later I found out that some of the things on them were not true. That happened a lot when no one ever thought that the info. would be seen and that adoptees did not have the right to know.

I too am angry with the "system". I feel that everyone has a right to know their heritage and whose genes run through their body; to health info. and so much more. We adoptees must stick together and let our voices be heard! (Wow, I am usually a very quiet and shy person. But on this subject I sound almost militant

I wish you much luck and happiness on your adoption search journey.

Snuffie

[ladymoonlite]

I totally understand your anger issues. I'm not an adoptee, I'm a half-sibling, and I just found out (I'm 39) that my mother, at age 17, gave up a child for adoption in 1956, This has opened an emotional can of worms for me because although I wound up in the same shoes as my mother (unwed and pregnant), even THEN she never told me. That's the icing on a BIG THICK cake, and it's very hard to deal with it emotionally because my mother passed away 12 years ago and so I can't even try to sort it out with her, and it's really hard to be angry with the dead.

It sounds like you're on the right track with the therapist, though. It's a direction I need to take myself. Good luck.

lml

[hprestonalexand]

Each one of you has a little bit of a different perspective which is nice to hear, but we all kind of agree on the same issue which is also nice. I know it is tough for anyone in the adoption triad, but for the adoptee it is just terrible. We all just want to know our heritage (atleast), I know I want to know who I got my eye color from, if I am Italian or German, and I do just want a simple answere to why she gave me up. Maybe she was forced, maybe she didn't have support or couldn't afford a child, whatever reason I want to hear it. So maybe there just is no simple answere.
Sara, obviously this frustrates you also. Having a genetic disease to whitch you have questions about but cannot get any answeres, I am so tired of this. If you have suspicians that any info on your birth certificate was changed, I would follow your gut, you might be right, back in the day they did change allot of info about adoptees. I agree with you, I know that we should have the right to know where we came from.
l-thompson, I do worry sometimes about how I will feel if I ever do make contact. It almost terrefies me now and it didn't used to. I did feel kind of silly seeing a therapist about this at first. But this therapist has done so much research about all of the areas of adoption and she is really good. Not allot of therapits are as knowedgable in this area. BTW, I am so happy that you found your mom and dad and brothers and sister, hearing this gives me hope.
Snuffie, I really hope that all my stuff just falls into place, but I am preparing myself that this might not happen. I will try and read the Hummingbird. I don't know if my state has an adoption record search agency, but I will surely look into this. Oregon does offer some kind of an assited search, but it costs around $400. so maybe someday.
lml, thank you, thank you to all of you for understanding my anger issues. lml, I wish you luck in your situation. Thanks for your support.
You have all been a big help, I just love this site. Take care all

[Flores]

I was also adopted in a state where the courts seal the records. I have always known my heritage, but often wondered if it was a lie and I was some other heritage. I recently hired a private investigator and found my birth parents. I was so scared to call them for fear of being rejected, that I had the private investigator do it for me. Much to my surprise she did want to see me and even remembered my name. After first talking to her, I was surprised how much we were alike in little ways. I have inherited a huge family and have 4 sisters and 2 brothers (half) and she and my birthfather are still very close. I was angry with her when I was younger, but it was because of things that had happened to me in my adoptive home. Is there something that has happened to you in your child hood with your adoptive parents? My birth mother was 15 years old when she gave me up and my birth father did not have a choice in the matter and neither did she. She was sent away by her parents to have me at a home for unwed mothers and it was only after my birth when the doctor told her she could not hold me that she realized that her mother had already planned to give me up. She even had a picture of me the first day I was born and she too felt guilty. I reasured her that I had a very good life and that if she had kept me I would not have the family I have now, or the life I have now. I would not be the same person. I am just thankful that we now have a second chance to be a family.
Jeanine Flores

[thesearchguru]

“ The law must be consonant with life. It cannot and should not ignore broad historical currents of history. Mankind is possessed of no greater urge than to try to understand the age-old questions: “Who am I” “Why am I?” Even now the sands and ashes of the continents are being sifted to find where we made our first step as man. Religions of mankind often include ancestor worship in one way or another. For many the future is blind without a sight of the past. Those emotions and anxieties that generate our thirst to know the past are not superficial and whimsical. They are real and they are “good cause” under the law of man and God.”

- WADE S. WEATHERFORD, JR.
Resident Judge, Seventh Judicial
Circuit Court, South Carolina




Email:
California Website:


Other great websites to check out:
http://www.adoptionchat.com
http://www.adoptionlists.com
http://www.adoption.com
http://www.adopting.org
http://registry.adoption.com/

[thesearchguru]

Anyone who has a genetic medical condition should definitely petition the court where the adoption was finalized to request a copy of your sealed adoption file. The file should contain, at the very least, the full name and date of birth of your birthmother.

Contact the court in the county and state where your adoption was finalized. Request their petition form to open a sealed adoption file. Attach a copy of a letter from your Dr. stating your genetic medical condition. Attach a copy of your photo I.D. and a copy of your amended birth certificate. Have your signature on the petition form notarized. It's always wise to include a coverletter stating your reasons for requesting that your file be opened. Send the request "Registered Mail" so that you know that it has been received.





Email:
California Website:


Other great websites to check out:
http://www.adoptionchat.com
http://www.adoptionlists.com
http://www.adoption.com
http://www.adopting.org
http://registry.adoption.com/

[hprestonalexand]

Hello Flores, I am so happy that you were able to find your birth family, you are so lucky. Was your private investigator expensive, obviously it was worth it but, I was quoted at $1,900. for a search with a P/I. Yes, there are many things that happened in my adoptive home that are bothering me and maybe I was just concealing my real feelings trying to servive while I was a child. But I am not a child anymore and all of a sudden I have these feelings that I am trying to work through. I am feeling alot better after talking to you guys. And I read what the search guru wrote and will jump on that also. I think I am just tired of this dragging on and because it is I am reaching for anything to try to get me through it even if it is negative. Well, I have to fun, thank you for responding, take care.

[Christine Lynn]

I am a Birthmom who is starting to search for my daughter. I put a letter in her court file at the adoption hearing and I have also sent medical information to the State of Wisconsin as medical information arose. I thought she would have gotten all of the information but I was told unless she knows that it's out there she won't get the info. I am very frustrated with that. So there may be information out there and you don't know it. Try contacting the courthouse in the county in which you were born and the State -- County Dept of Human Resources. There may be a file out there for you.

Originally Posted by sara schuelein

Dear All,

I have found reading your posts interesting. As an adoptee, who also was given with no information which to even research my heritidge or medical background, I aslo have anger harboured about my situation. There are things that come up in my life that I know are related back to my being adopted. And I too have been diagnosed recently with a genetic disease that I suffered with for ages before it was worked out what was going on. So I sympathize with what you could be going through.

I read on one of the posts recently that catholic Charities were changing info on b/certificate as late as 1986! I have suspicions that my b/date was also changed, which makes it impossible to find even the most basic of info. Something has to change in the legal proccess of adoption for the sake of adoptees. I understand how some b/moms do not want to be contacted, that is fine, but I think all background info should be given at birth and left with the parents who have adopted a child. We have a right to know where we've come from.

Take care.