[mccyr]

The problem is that I have very, very sketchy information. I know that she was born in June, July or August of 1955/56 (pretty sure it is 56) in Massachusetts and was adopted through the New England Home for Little Wanderers and was placed with a family in Natick, Mass.

I had no idea that I had an older sister until my mom was diagnosed with cancer. At that time, she told me about the adoption and her wish to contact her oldest daughter. At that time, I wrote to NEHLW and had them send me the necessary documents. A note was put in the adoption file through NEHLW giving her contact information for our Mom. To respect my Mom's privacy, I never looked at the information that she sent to NEHLW, just mailed the documents and the $$$$. To the best of my knowledge that file was not accessed. Sadly, our Mom has passed.

Any suggestions on how I should proceed or if I should proceed at all? As a family member, do I have any standing with NEHLW?

I'm not sure if she even knows that she was adopted. Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance

[Alana71]

Hi mccyr,
I sent you a pm but thought I'd finish here. I would definitely contact anyone from CC to NEHLW. In my situation, my sis didn't know it was through CC and didn't have all of the info.

She was searching for 17 years and the only reason we connected was because of ISRR.
My sister had a very difficult time when she discovered my mom had passed away but she was also happy to learn of me.

This may take some detective work on your part but the fact that you know she was adopted in the same state may make things a bit easier if you still live in MA.

As long as you put all the info out there for her to find and register at as many places as you can and if she wants to be found it will be easier for her. Also find out if MA has a state registry because that might be helpful also. I had registered in NY since thats where her adoption took place.

I did worry about the fact that she may not know she was adopted but in my case I was lucky because she knew and she was also searching.

You can pm me anytime.

~Alana

[mccyr]

Good Morning. Thank you so much for the information. Sent paperwork as complete as I could on Friday. Maybe you know the answer to this -- will NEHLW assist at all since I am not birthmother or adoptee? I have the contact information for the individual in charge of search & reunion, but thought I would check with to see if you knew since you had already dealt with them.

Thanks again for all of your help!

Maureen

[Alana71]

Hi Maureen,
I didn't work with NEHLW as everything took place in NY. However, 8 years ago when I began my search I did have some difficulty getting info and help as a sibling but now some places do give some info to siblings. I would DEFINITELY contact the search and reunion person there and explain your situation. They may be of some assistance to you but I don't know how far they go.

The people at CC were nice to me and helpful but the first thing they suggested was to register everywhere possible which you are already doing.

Good Luck to you!!! And please let me know how things are going and if you get any new info. That can be the part you need to prepare the most for... What to do once you actually GET the info you have been so desperately waiting for.


~Alana

[mccyr]

Hi Alana - Thanks so much. I will definitely contact NEHLW and see how much help they can be. Other than registering here, the Mass registration and ISRR any other places I should post to? I'll make sure to keep you posted on my progress. Thanks again! Maureen

[thesearchguru]

REGISTRIES:

Largest and most widely used internet registry: http://registry.adoption.com/


International Soundex Reunion Registry (I.S.R.R.)
POB 2312
Carson City, Nevada 89702-2312
(775) 882-7755
Website: http://www.isrr.net/





Email:
California Website:


Other great websites to check out:
http://www.adoptionchat.com
http://www.adoptionlists.com
http://www.adoption.com
http://www.adopting.org
http://registry.adoption.com/

[Alana71]

There you go Maureen. Lot's of good info from Thesearchguru. I would check all of the above registries out.

~Alana

[mccyr]

I absolutely will! Thanks Search Guru! Thanks Alana! You guys are great!!!! Maureen

[mccyr]

I came to work this morning, just like every other day. I was doing some programming when I message popped up. When I looked at the message, I actually remember the e-mail address from my search on the Mass Registry.

The person was looking for information related to my mother. It was my sister! I e-mailed her back and she responded! She had contacted NEHLW and received the information that my mother provided. Regretably, she did learn that my mother had passed away. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Part of me is glad that I had to be the bearer of bad news. Part of me wishes that I could make things easier for her.

I could absolutely use some help in how to handle this. I am absolutely overwhelmed. Not in a bad way, though, in a good way!

For those of you adoptees that are searching. Please keep searching.

I'll post more later.

Thanks everyone for all of your help!
Maureen

[Alana71]

Maureen,

Wow this was me 4 months ago!!! That was really fast! It makes a big difference that she was looking for info also. So your sister e-mailed you? Not the contact person? Wow....

Are you feeling ok? I'll bet you are having a hard time concentrating at work. Hang in there and take a deep breath....Now I'm dying to know every detail. PM me if you want to share more details re: your mom..

Congratulations.....

~Alana

[mccyr]

Hi Alana! What a rocket ride. I was composing an e-mail to her when my phone at work rang and it was her! She couldn't wait to talk to me. She had just written to NEHLW and found out the information. When the NEHLW rep called, they found out that my mother had passed away. She did a web search and found the obituary, found my name as next-of-kin (daughter) and found me on the web with all my work contact information.

She lives in Minnepolis, Minnesota and has four children, two girls and two boys. She has known since she was little that she was adopted. Her oldest two boys are expecting children and wanted her to find out the medical information.

She feels really bad that she could have searched while my mother was still alive and didn't.

We had a really pleasant conversation. She seems like an extremely nice person.

Not sure how to proceed from this point. Part of me wants to take off in an airplane this weekend. Part of me is telling myself that I need to take it really slow.

Any input?

Thanks lots!
Maureen

[Alana71]

Oh Maureen,
I can so relate to your feelings... You spoke to her too wow...

If she contacted you then she is obviously interested in contact etc... Im sure she would love to see pictures and learn about you and the rest of your family. How did you leave things?

Did you get my pm?

You must feel like your dreaming. This whole thing just fell into your lap...

Definitley take it slow... you have alot to take in right now and she does too. You may want to let her take the lead for now but do what makes you comfortable too. I was ready to jump in feet first but my sister needed some time to take everything in.

We were in touch via e-mail and phone several times a week and we met in person 1month after our initial phone call. I will be meeting her entire family in 3 weeks so everything is still ongoing. I know everyone's situation is different but I hope this turns out to be a great experience for the both of you...

I am so excited for you Maureen!! and wish you all the best!

Please update on everything.

[mccyr]

Hi! I'll check out your PM right now. I'm doing okay, but having all I can do not to hop on a plane!

She is definitely interested. She is sending pictures of her family and I will send her out some pictures of my mother.

She seems okay and well prepared for everything. She has known that she was adopted and waited until she was ready to actually search. I think she was pleasantly surprised to find out that I was searching for her. One of the reasons that she had waited to search was that she was afraid of what she might find out. I think she was also pleasantly surprised at what she did learn.

My fun starts tonight when I have to tell my younger brother and sister. Not at all sure how they will handle it. (I'm not at all sure that my mother told my younger sister - I personally had talked to my brother about it so he knows.)

So far, I think I have handled it pretty well. The hard thing is that contact by mail and phone is really impersonal. I feel the need to really see her in order to believe that it's all real.

I'll keep you posted and check out the PM.

Thanks!
Maureen

[Alana71]

Maureen, I agree. That's what did it for me was the meeting in person. Also seeing a picture can give a glimpse. The hard part was seeing my "mom " when I looked at her. Her manerisms and facial expressions are identical!
I hope your siblings are just as happy as you are. I've learned on these forums that some parties aren't as accepting or welcoming as some are. If that happens to be the case, don't let that spoil your new reunion....

Do you still live in MA? If so, thats a good distance to travel. I live in MA and my sister lives in NJ so it's not too far. In fact she just invited me to meet up with her at Foxwoods this weekend with her asis.

I hope everything goes well with telling your brother and sister...

[mccyr]

Actually, I relocated in 1989 to Maine and live in Augusta where I work for the Maine State Senate. My brother and sister are still in Mass and my oldest daughter is going to school in Rutgers in New Jersey.

Nancy lives in Minnesota. Never would have guessed that area in a million years. She was born in Boston and when she was adopted lived in Natick, Mass.

That would be a really long drive! I actually checked on flights and you can fly from Logan to Minneapolis for about $350.

I'm really, really tempted! Her children are so ..... excited. My youngest daughter, Christine, called me at work a little while ago and was so happy she was crying!

Foxwoods is fun! I love going to the casinos, just to eat at the buffets. The ones in Atlantic City were tremendous! You could just go there in the late morning and eat your way from one end to another. Everyone else gambles, me I eat! It's a good thing that I have a pretty good metabolism!

I feel the same way you do. I feel that by finding her I've gotten a little piece of my mom back.

Keep your fingers crossed for me that all goes well.

Thanks!
Maureen