[sistercare]

I have been looking for my birth sister who was placed at birth by our mother. Well, I think I have found her but also found new info. My grandparents(mom's parents) had custody of my other sisters and myself quite a bit during my childhood. I am the oldest and I remember at least once a year living with them. My grandma told me the other day that my mother had actually tried to get them to adopt me, my 24 year old sister and my 19 year old sister, but the lawyer advised them not to. My 24 year old sister and I received social security because our father passed before my sister was born. If they adopted us then we would lose the Social security. My mom signed her rights off to us but still wanted to get the money from us. My grandparents wouldn't allow that so my mom would take us again. I am 27 and now am so mad because not only did she quit on my sister who she placed for adoption, but she did worse with us. She quit us over and over and over again. She has once again quit us and ran off with another man. I just thank God that she can't have anymore children. I won't confront her though, because she lies about everything. Boy was my sister lucky to get out of the family.
Care

[Covey]

So, have you found you sister for sure? If so that's great! I have to agree that your sister was lucky, that is, if her life has been a good one. My sister has been a flake to my nephew her whole life in and out of jail and always chosing her friends over him. So when she gave birth to my niece I was glad to see her end up living with her father. My nephews father never was involved in his life and passed away about a year ago. But I can completly understand having someone in your life that you love, hurt you over and over again. Isn't it nice to have somewhere you can vent your frustrations?

I hope things go well for you and your sisters. Many blessing on you all.

[sistercare]

I have spoken with the afamily's attorney but know no identifying info. I want it to be her idea to contact me, just making myself available. It really is great having this forum where I can find someone who understands. My mom still claims to have done no wrong. She has some definite mental issues to deal with IMO. She always dumped us when she found a new boyfriend or husband. When her second husband would beat her, she would make me(5 at the time) stay in the room because she thought he wouldn't do as much damage if I was there. WRONG. I just got beaten too. Then when they divorced, it was my fault I wasn't good enough. Each husband or guy she divorced was somehow my fault. I have a 6 year old daughter and I would never submit her to anything abusive. I am maybe too protective of her, but I refuse to let her feel the way I did growing up.

[Covey]

Oh I completely understand I'm a mother of 3, Step-daughter 31/2 years old, son 21 months, and dughter 6 months and I could never let anyone hurt my children like that. Some women were never meant to have children. My sister is the same way she thinks it is everyone elses fault for the things that have happened to her in her life; she's 35 going on 16.

What state was this handled in? That would be so frustrating to have no identifing info. I thought I had tons of info on my brother that I'm looking for, but it just seems to not be the right info. It's hard to call and have someone say "Oh you're a sibling? Well I can't tell you anything then that information is for the adoptee only."

[sistercare]

We live in Kansas now but the adoption took place in Guymon Oklahoma. I have sat and thought all day about this and get angrier by the second. I am trying to figure out what's worse. Being placed for adoption when all the other siblings are kept, or being the kept siblings who are constantly trying to be disposed of. I am not a bitter person, normally I try to find the good in everyone, but the only reason my mother kept me is for money. How freakin wrong is that. She allowed horrible things to happen to me and did nothing. Now that I am a mother, I have tried to forgive her and encourage a relationship between her and my children but she only likes my eldest because she is a girl. My two younger children are boys and she refers to them as little retards. She says "I have one perfect grandchild and the others are retards." Who says that? When she left her last husband(4) who I call dad, she had my youngest sister accuse him of molesting her, which she admitted. My mother told me that she can't stand to be around my daughter anymore because my dad "longs" to be around her. My daughter is the first baby my dad was ever around so he is very attached to her. She is the sun to him and he to her. I think its cute, not perverted, but my mother will say anything to draw attention away from the fact that she once again abandoned her children for a man. An abusive man at that. UUUUUUGGGGGGGhhhhhh. Sorry for my vent

[Covey]

It is so hard to fathom that people can be like that. I would be so furious and hurt if my mother said things like that about my children. Well I don't want to give any advice because who's to say I know what would be good advice for you. But you will be in my prayers and if you need someone to vent to just send me a note and I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Keep your head up, it sounds like you have wonderful kids that love you very much.

[sistercare]

Well today is a new day and my 24 yo sister called me to tell me that she got a copy of her credit report and our mom had(when sister was 16) called and ordered 300.00 of junk in my sister's name and didn't pay it. Now its on her credit and she is livid. She called me and said that mom feels that it isn't a big deal that she used her name and affected her credit. After all she is the mother and can do with our name as she wants. She gave them to us so they are still rightly hers. I think she has lost her marbles. My sister doesn't really speak to mom because she has nothing nice to say, whereas I at least try to keep the peace even though she walks all over me and blames me for her disasterous life. Poor me huh. sorry to gripe. just wish there was something i could do to fix my mom. Make her a good person. Oh well. I will just pray for her as I do daily. Surely, God will hear my prayers.

[sistercare]

Covey,

Let me say thanks for replying to me. How long have you been searching? What do you think will be the first thing you say to your brother? I think about these things alot and will probably blubber like a baby. Thats what I do. Very emotional. How old are you. I am 27.

[Covey]

Oh I so understand about your sister having her credit affected! The year I left home for the military my sister saw it as an opportunity for her to open a checking account and get a gas card in my name and go wild. And can you believe that the state of Oregon gave her a license with her picture and my info with only a bill that had been sent to her house with my name on it?! She is 5'11" with red hair and green eyes; I'm 5'5" with blond hair and blue eyes. I hope that person at the DMV got fired! I didn't find out she did that untill almost a year later when I tried to buy my first car. That was an ordeal that I never want to go through again; She went to jail for that, but it wasn't me that turned her in. But I wasn't the only one who's credit she destroyed at that time either. She got herself caught; it took 7 years for my credit to return to normal even though it wasn't my fault and I had the papers to prove it! Isn't that wild! But lets see I have NO idea what I will say the first time I talk to my brother. I would probably be the same way, I would start crying my eyes out and he probably wouldn't understand a word I was saying! I've been searching for only about 2 months but I wish I would have started sooner. I got a phone call yesterday from a lady with the Oregon State Adoption Agencies and she looked up my mothers name at the time of the birth and found who the adoption was handled through but my mom will have to be the one to call and get whatever infomation they have. That is so frustrating that there is only so much that people will tell me because I'm "just" a sibling. It has been a real stopper for me because I can never get ahold of my mom. But I'm making some progress. Oh but yes your welcome for replying to you it's nice to talk with someone who is going though the same challenges as the other and i'm 25yo. But thanks you for talking to me too it really has been nice.