[nickychaz]

Well, I finally got a court rep to contact b-mom and she wants no contact. I don't know how much more I can take. I am pregnant and would love to be able to give my children a grandmother. I am humilated and don't know what to tell my friends and children. I feel crushed and don't know what to do. Maybe I should just give up. Maybe I was not ever meant to have a family and I should just accept the fact that the only people in the world who will ever care about me are the ones that I bring into the world myself. I am so afraid that once my children find out about this rejection that they will begin what is wrong with me and that they will eventually reject me also.
I would apreciate any advice from anyone who has gone thorugh, or is going through, a similiar situation.

[RiverGal]

I am so sorry that you have to go through this kind of pain. I have not been through what you are going through, as I am a searching birth mother; however, I do know what emotional pain is and that you are up to your ears in it. My heart breaks for you, angel.

You sound like you have so much love to offer...how sad that your bmom is going to miss out on having you in her life. As much as we might like to change the way people react to us, we just can't...all we can do is change is the way we deal with their reactions. You take all that love and shower it on your children, and even a little on yourself...you are worthy of it.

Your children will grow up to view you with their own perceptions, not through the eyes of anyone who has rejected you in the past. You have to realize that you are worthy of love, you matter and you have a right to be here.

If you were here, I'd give you a big hug and tell you that you have the rest of your life to leave your mark on this world. As for your birthmom, she is losing out...

Go love your kids and be the best person you can...there are an awful lot of folks out there that could use a friend like you!

Wishing you the best life has to offer,

Debra

[xflowz]

i know exactly how u feel. dont let it get to u cause it will eat u up inside, its has done so to me. you sound like a very intelligent person and you'll go a lot further w/out her in your life, trust me. good luck to you and take care.

[dl]

I really hope that you will read "MissngLinkInFl" words and take them to heart. I have read your posts and you have unfortunately been dealt with a double dose of rejection, both from your bioMother and your aMother. I am so sorry.

But, you have the ability to not pass these feelings of hurt onto your children. Please print out "MissngLinkinFl" words and read them daily.

As much as we might like to change the way people react to us, we just can't...all we can do is change is the way we deal with their reactions. You take all that love and shower it on your children, and even a little on yourself...you are worthy of it.

Your children will grow up to view you with their own perceptions, not through the eyes of anyone who has rejected you in the past.

Don't focus on being "afraid that once my children find out about this rejection that they will begin what is wrong with me and that they will eventually reject me also." If you do not plant this seed in their minds but fill their lives with the love that you yourself long for, you will break this pattern of pain and rejection. Your children will not ever think there is anything wrong with you ~ because there is not and you need to stop feeling that there is something wrong with you! It is others that have something wrong with them!

Find peace within yourself ~ for yourself, your husband and most importantly for your children. You can break this horrible pattern of rejection!

[sspete]

Nickychaz.....I can hear the scenerio of a bmom denying contact with their bchild many times and each time I feel such a pain in my heart!!!! As a bmom I cannot even relate to this....I CAN'T imagine, but it does happen. Please don't let it be a relflection on who you are. Their rejection of you is not about you. Don't be ashamed.....It is NOT your fault!!!!!

I Love what Dlouis said about breaking the pattern of rejection with your own children!!! The unconditional Love can start with you!!!! You sound like a wonderful, caring mother.....Don't let two women who aren't ruin it for you!!!!!

My thoughts and Prayers are with You!!!!!

Staci

[shirleyville]

Nicky,
My birthmom wasn't emotionally capable of accepting contact with me, either. It's a hard pill to swallow when it happens, but I tend to look upon it as an opportunity to be thankful that I was strong enough to reach out, and I don't live in the closed world of pain and fear that so many of these women seem to live in. Our little band of adoptees whose birthmoms deny contact seems to be growing, and the more of us there are here, the more we can learn from one another and grow thru it together.
I am always here if you ever need to talk!
Hugs,
Sally