[naugrad]

I have been curious about my birth family for a long time. I was told at age 5 or 6 that I was adopted. I love my adopted parents so much, that I put off the idea of looking for my birth family until after my adoptive parents had died. Well my folks are still alive and I almost feel guilty in trying to locate my birth family. My folks have been great in telling me all the information they had. Only a couple of years ago they told me that I had siblings, which has increased my desire to find my birth family. Has anyone else felt guilty in their search?

[l-thompson]

Hi there:

I put off my search too for fear of appearing disloyal to my a/parents. The thing is it was not in any way a reflection of them as parents it was a burning desire in me to find my heritage.

I have been reunited now and have been for the last nine months. One regret that I do have is not searching sooner.

If your a/parents are safe and secure in their relationship with you I am sure they will understand and support you through your journey.

Good luck to you

[allabouthorses]

I was very lucky! I would have felt guilty POSTPONING my search, because my amom wanted to meet my bfamily so badly!

There have been times when I have been conscious of not hurting my amom's feelings, but I have learned to check those feelings. My amom and I both know that I have deep, unconditional love for her, and that no relationship will ever take away from that. I know that she has felt a bit jealous at times, but she tries desperately not to show it, and I know that it is only natural. My bmom has the same jealousy, as well.

There is no pleasing everyone all the time in a reunion. Some go better than others, but you have to allow to yourself to feel what you feel, and feel comfortable expressing what you want to express. If you are close with your aparents, a healthy relationship with your bparents is not going to change that! Sure, there is a chance that things won't go well, but if you don't take that chance, you'll never know!

My amom and bparents get along extremely well. It means so much to me, and I would not give up this time in my life for anything!

[luking4loretta]

your reply In asnwer to your question I dont remember ever feeling guilty. I guess thats because my adtoptive parents always told me they know that I had enough love in me for 2 mothers or for 2 fathers (i have plenty of love in me for 2 sets of parents and then some!) Im sure that your biological parents are watching with love in their hearts happy to know that you will have an extra enriched life having your biological parents/family in it. Go find them, and enjoy all the beautiful, enriching things a child and a parent/(family can share and add to on anothers lives.
God Bless You!
Rhonda

[maureen salamon]

Ahh, guilt -- whether we deserve to feel it or not, it's always lurking there somewhere, isn't it?

I didn't search for my bmom until nearly 10 years after my dad died and my mom was well into dementia, although still living on her own. It's not because I wanted to wait until they were gone -- I wasn't conscious of a desire to know my roots until that point anyway.

But even though my aparents weren't an "issue," I felt some guilt when I started searching anyway. It's like searching for my bmom made it true that my parents weren't "enough" for me. I realized, however, as I met bmom and got to know her that I had nothing to feel guilty about. This is about us, not our parents. It has nothing to do with how badly or well they parented us. It simply is our inborn desire to know our origins. We have nothing to be sorry for in finding it out.

[sunshine kim]

I must say I totally understand. With me I found out I was addopted by my Dad when I was 15 yrs. old. My adoptive father was so wonderful to me and even ofered to help me locate my bio. dad but I did not feel the need and I sure didn't want to take away any feelings that my Dad and I had for one another so I let it go. My Dad was killed in a car accident almost 9 years ago and now that I am 40, I want to know the truth especially that my mother has never given me a straight answer.

[prissy456]

Dear friend,

I am 53 yrs old and knew from the age of 8 that I was adopted. My adoptive mother died when I was 9, and my adoptive father died 10 years ago. I too felt that as long as they were alive, it would be wrong to search for my birth parents.
I have since, waivered as to search or not. Last year my granddaughter 10 was diagnosed with Chrohns Disease after being extremely ill for 10 months. Of coarse, that became my new reason to search..simply for medical history.
I am still unsure if I want to search and often fear whatever I may uncover. I started a more intense search this last week and have come up with absolutely nothing. But then, I am only beginning. So, as far as feeling unsure or scared....yep, I feel both of those emotions

[bgms1961]

My husband is 40, he has never wanted to search for his bfamily. Well his siblings he has mentioned wanting to find, but he and his brothers were taken from an abusive home according to court documents, but his adoptive home was no better, Would finding his BParents do any good? He has alot fo anger, I think after 35 years people change. he is a good man, He got those traits from someone, I blieve they are inherited not taught, He also has 2 children that he has nothing to do with. one child he adores, and keeps contact with, I keep telling him one day those kids may come looking for him, I was lucky in a sense, I know my relatives, and I am learning alot about people doing this for him. To me it doesnt matter what your reason's are, YOur not betraying your adopted family by searching for your roots, its all natural. People need to know where they came from. And sometimes, Need to know why they are like they are.
My husband used to be a Biker, Rough, always in trouble with the law, he is a Georgous human being, to me as gentle as a lamb, it took alot of Love to calm him down, I am hoping that when and if he ever meets his BParents or BMother he will feel diffently about tehm. He talks of his BMOther alot, thats why I know he would love to meet her. He knows alittle, well Thats our reason for searching, we all have one, If you even think about it one time, than just do it, its your life, make it complete.
Good Luck to eveyone.

[clarbog]

I think all of us have felt that feeling of guilt. I waited until my a-mom passed away. I'm gradually communicating with my half-sister, I have yet to talk with b-mom. But now I'm beginning to wish I had started the search long ago. I'm a bit older than my sibilings and missed many important dates.
Maureen, sums it all up this is about us, finding that missing piece. I always wanted siblings and I think by waiting I missed out on some special times.

Good luck

Corey