[kyleterrizzi]

Hello,

My name is Kyle. I turned 18 in July and have been racking my brain about finding my birth mother. My b-grandmother and my b-mom's pshycologist (she sought help at the time of adoption) both contacted my (adoptive) father and informed him my b-mom just recovered from a fatal bout with Acute Respritory Distress Syndrome. Because of this contact, I have my b-grandmother's home phone and everyday I think about picking up the phone and calling. I am a little scared but know I should do it.

At the risk of recieving a few cliche responses, I was wondering if anyone could comment on the matter. The majority of the stories I have read on these boards have been older people who have already started families and are finding their b-parent(s) much later in their life. Any advice for a younger (although I am emotionaly prepared) seeker?

Kyle
Tucson, AZ

Hi Kyle,

I was older when I met my birth mom. I was 29 and as emotiomally prepared as I thought I was still difficult to process all those feelings. I think some questions you need to ask...Where are you in your life...are you in high school? Thinking about college? Do you have good support from you aparents or any one else? What are your reasons for wnating to meet her?

How important is this to you?

[Jackiejdajda]

kyleterrizzi

You may be helping your birth mom.


Jackie

Kyle, You need to figure out for yourself, what YOU need and don't need. If this is something that you feel would be good for YOU and have the support then you can think about it!

[sspete]

Kyle.....You are a great guy to thank of reuniting with your bmom!!! You are also smart to be preparing yourself by talking to others about what to expect. I recently (almost a year ago) contacted my bdaughter who is 19 to find out about her as I had carried a strong love in my heart for her since her conception. She on the other hand is a little leary of our relationship which I totally respect. There are SO MANY emotions involved that you must be prepared for ALL of them. There is love, resentment, hurt, contentment, and etc. You must be prepared to go through every emotion known to man!!! I admire you for thinking about it....You deserve to know your bfamily, and it seems they really want to know you. Just know the emtions run deep and you must be prepared for what ever your bfamily is like. Be open and honest with them as to what you expect and No one will have expectations that they shouldn't!!! I am wishing you much luck!!!!! Staci

[ACKC]

I myself have just recovered from Acute Respritory Distress Syndrome, and the 8 weeks I spent in a coma caused my mother to rethink her earlier decision to write my fraternal twin brother (whom she gave up) out of our lives, and in fact, to allow me to search for him. He's 18, like you, and after watching a family member go through something like that I would think that any family would want to make changes in this sort of a situation. If I were a part of your birth family I would be thrilled to be contacted.

Me, I say give her a call. Things could turn out better than you'd think.

-Kit

[Mary Anne Y]

hello iam also an adoptee i am loking for my birth familly..... you need to do what is right for you.... You need to ask your self why do you want to search and if you want a relationship with your birth familly... please dont go it to this not knowing what you want as this hurts all involved if you change your mind in the middle of a renunion Ihope you get to know them and beable to be a part of each others lives
I tryed when I was about 18 and my aparents had a fit when then found out I was searching ..... I wish i did ALL adoptees have a right to know whear we come from .......... GOOD LUCK

[thesearchguru]

“A Man and His Mother: An Adopted Son’s Search”
Fox-TV Sports host and bestselling author tells of his search for his mother that he never knew.
…by Tim Green

"The Other Mother"
The story of a young woman and her own story of relinquishment, search and reunion with her son. The story of survival and healing.
…by Carol Schaefer ISBN 0-93914-9753

“Birthmothers: Woman Who Have Relinquished Babies for Adoption Tell Their Stories”
…by Merry Bloch Jones

“Twice Born: Memoirs of an Adopted Daughter”
A true story of an adoptee’s search for her birth family. Lifton has given us a story of mothering and mother-loss, attachment and bonding, secrets and lies, and the human need for origins.
…by B. J. Lifton

“Ithaka”
An adopted daughter’s memoirs of being found by her birth parents who had married after the relinquishment and had 3 more children – A good “what not to do” guide for birthparents searching for their relinquished birth child
…by Sarah Saffian

“Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness”
Lifton addresses the myths surrounding adoption. This book delves into psychological effects of adoption.
…by B. J. Lifton

“Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child” ***HIGHLY RECOMMENDED***
A widely read book about adoptees written by an adoptive mother and therapist who raised an adopted daughter and a biological daughter.
…by Nancy Verrier: order directly from Nancy at 919 Village Center, Lafayette, CA 94549. $14.95 plus $3.00 shipping and handling)

“Courageous Blessings: Adoptive Parents and the Search”. A great book to give adoptive parents who support their adopted children in their search for their birth family.
…by Carol L. Dumuth (Can be ordered from Aires Center, 1437 Meandering, Garland, TX 75040 (214) 414-3639 or call Carol at 972-414-3639

“Of Unknown Origin: A Memoir”
A daughter finds her birthmother but also finds rejection and denial.
…by Debra Levi Holtz ISBN 1-57178-100-5

"The Same Smile"
A touching story of a birthmother’s journey from relinquishment of her first born daughter, the loss of another child, and the coming full circle to reunion. She makes you feel as though you are walking right beside her, experiencing all the emotions at the moment she is in.
…by Susan Souza ISBN 0-97251-0001









Other great websites to check out:
http://www.adoptionchat.com
http://www.adoptionlists.com
http://www.adoption.com
http://www.adopting.org
http://registry.adoption.com/

[Natalia]

hey kyle,

I am 19 years old. I am also adopted. I was adopted at the age of eight. Before I turned eighteen, I had told people that I wanted to find my birth mom. I already started but have not been successful. The best thing to do is just think of it like your calling one of your friends. This way you don't keep feeling scared about calling your birth mom and grandma.

Natalia

[potterwhidden]

Hey there kyle...my name is Emily and I am 19 years old. I have also been searching and have located my baunt and am waiting on recieving mothers phone number. There is nothing wrong with you searching...nor is there an age limit. I say go for it....you sound like it's something you really want to do. I understand the fear of picking up the phone. That feeling will be there when you are 40. I don't think there is any adoptee who picks up the phone to locate birth relatives completly calm. I really would go for it...as long as you think you are ready....also you have the grandmothers phone number. I contacted an aunt first and got alot of information...that has made me feel much better about contacting my bmom. Anyway....good luck and keep us posted!
Emily

[DeeAnn]

Kyle, My (A) son is Kyle also, so I feel compelled to write! My son came from a hazardous background and the county did not even put his name on the registry because of that. I still leave his former families picture on his desk and he does tell his friends who they are. But, I cannot imagine him ever contacting them. Please search your heart and have no expectations. And, I will pray for a positive outlook for you!







He had me at, "MOM"!