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An Extraordinary Sunday Morning Chat Between Mother and Son
by: Jan Baker

Morning dawned early on a recent muggy, late July Southern California morning. Although not quite 6:30 a.m., it is time for my inner dialog to kick in and convince me to consider rousing myself and hopping out of bed to prepare for work. As I lazily remain in bed, my thoughts drift to an early morning call yesterday from my
older son Chris. Nothing dramatic, he just called to chat and catch up on each other’s lives. After a sentence or two into our conversation, Chris paused and asked me to hold on for a moment while he hooked up his earphone so he could chat with me and prepare breakfast at the same time.

I giggled, "What, you do two things at once? How surprising." I quipped.

Chris laughed too, "Yep, how unusual, huh?"

At his age, almost 34 years old, I too was generally in perpetual motion, always on the go, always in the midst of numerous projects and activities.

As I continue to mull over our conversation in my head, a warm and fuzzy feeling flows through me and a huge smile radiates across my face. Our chat was a comfortable and warm one – we are much alike and when we communicate there is a
natural ease – conversation flows for us quite naturally. We have similar communication styles, both of us are quite talkative, and laughter comes easily too as our senses of humor are in sync with each other.

Of my three grown children, Chris is most like me for a variety of reasons. He alone shares my blonde hair and bears a striking resemblance to me. Personality wise too, Chris is gregarious and outgoing like me, while my other son is quieter, more
reserved. As for hobbies and interests, Chris and I share more common interests and characteristics than I do with my other two children. Chris' love of the outdoors and spirit of adventure, parallel mine also and he is a runner, as I once was.

Really, it was quite remarkable that our conversation even occurred at all. For our chat to be so comfortable, warm and natural made it all the more extraordinary. Memories of our pleasant conversation continued as I fought that inner voice
urging me to get up and get ready for work. And then like a sudden flash, it hit me, this conversation was never supposed to have occurred. It was a long time in coming. What is so unusual about a mother and son connecting in a comfortable, natural way, you might be asking by now?

Simple, really, I did not raise Chris – he was adopted at birth and raised by another mother. In 1969, the year of his birth, I relinquished my son, and we became unwilling participants in a closed adoption. We were never supposed to know each
other's names, much less speak, meet and have a relationship. According to the adoption practices at that time, the maternal-child bond was to be severed forever. The strength and importance of the maternal-child bond was undervalued,
underestimated and disregarded, by me, as well as society as a whole.

Thankfully, my son Chris became a brave, courageous, curious, and tenacious young man. Nearly two years ago, he thwarted the system that dictated our separation be permanent and found me. Only because he "bucked the system" was that warm and
intimate Sunday morning chat possible, and our relationship as well. What a priceless gift he has given me – the chance to finally know him. I cherish his gift and am grateful.

http://magazine.adoption.com/article.php?articleid=309