[hattieb]

I am searching for any information on my birth. My adoptive mother recently passed away and she always wanted me to find my biological family. I never tried while she was alive and I really don't know why it has become so important to me now. I guess I have a void in my life now that momma is not with me anymore. I was very close to her. My adoptive father is still living but he is not as affectionate as my mother was. I have a 8 year old daughter. I seperated from her father a few months before my mothers death. Since our seperation he has not been in her life as much as he should. His mother is not the grandmotherly type either. The point I'm trying to make is that my daughter and myself are experiencing life without family. We spent last thanksgiving and X-mas alone. I have lots of friends but the holidays are for family. I've always felt a certain loneliness all of my life, even when my mother was living. I guess that stems from never being able to look at someone that looks like me or that I am connected to. I didn't realize how much that affected me until I gave birth to my daughter. It was a feeling that I had never had, another person that is a part of me and I of them!!!!! I want my child to have that in her life if I can possibly give that to her. I was loved very much but now that momma is not here who will spoil her like only a grandmother can. Will she even remember having a grandmother? And recently I am being tested for cancer. I am only 32 years old. What will become of my only relative if I die? I don't want her to feel alone as I have most of my life. I would like to give her what I have not had. A family history, medical background information, heritage and family traditions. Just knowing where she came from and what type of people they are. Maybe my birth family doesn't want to meet me, but I would like to at least know them or about them. My date of birth is 12/22/1970. The only information I have is that I was to supposed to have been born in New Bern, North Carolina. I am a black female, medium brown complexion with dark brown hair. MY daughter and I have some blonde streaks in our hair (it is a mystery to me). If this rings a bell for anyone or if anyone knows how I can get more information about my birth please respond to this message. Thankyou for taking the time to read this.

[sspete]

Reading your post I was so thankful that you had a great aparents. I know you miss your mom. I think it would be really neat if you could find someone from your bfamily if that is what you truly desire. Please be prepared for whatever you might find, but in my experience somebody, somewhere is just as curious about you as you are them. I wish you luck in your search, and know that you will be in my prayers. spete

[hattieb]

I am so grateful for the responses I recieved from everyone. I am new to this board so I hope that you can recieve my reply. I haven't quite figured out how to send a private message yet. If any of you would like my e-mail it is hattiejoseph@yahoo.com. Then I would be able to reply directly to you.

Yes I do have 3 brothers and 1 sister in my adoptive family. One of my brothers is adopted also. However he knows his biological family. They were friends of my parents and we also lived in the same neighborhood. So his experience is not the same as mine. He has always known his adoptive brothers and sisters as well as his biological brothers and sisters. My remaining siblings are my parents biological children. The ironic thing is they don't really get along with each other. I am always amazed at how distant they are with one another. I was very close to my sister when I was a child (I even thought she was my mother for a while since she is 17 years older than I). She married when I was 5 and had a child of her own. We grew apart. Now that momma is not here, we have started to communicate at least once a month and on holidays via telephone. My remaining brothers are so much older than I that they seem like strangers. I have nieces and nephews older than me.

Sometimes I wonder who I am. It is almost like being an alien from another planet. Like on that tv show Roswell or even Smallville. Everyone around me knows where they are from but I don't. I am just searching for the missing link.

[clair]

DO NOT LOSE HOPE.

[Margaret1960]

If you were born in NC you are lucky. Go the the county in which you were born, the Register of Deeds will have a listing of your birth. All birth, marriage and death records are public records. You can get an uncertified birth certificate for about 25 cents. On the birth index you should see your original name and your adoptive name. I have found NC folks to be quite helpful.
Good luck, Margaret

[hattieb]

I found out my birth mother's name, my grandmother's, grandfather's, uncle's, and aunt's names. I even got an address at the time I was adopted. I looked in the yellow pages and found my grandmother's phone number. I called her and although I didn't expect her to welcome me with open arms, I at least expected her to confirm my information. But she denied that her daughter had a child. She did admit to having a daughter with the same name as my mother and the same age. And she listened to my entire story, she asked me lots of questions about my adoptive parents, where I live at, my age, and how I got my information. But she would never confirm anything for me. I asked her to at least take my number and give it to her daughter so that she could make the decision to call me. That was a month ago and I still haven't heard anything. I found one of my uncles in a correctional facility and I wrote him 2 letters. He has not written back. My question is should I continue to try to contact my mother and let her make the decision of whether or not to have a relationship with me? Or should I accept the fact that since I have made contact with my family and they are denying or not responding to me, that my mother probably feels the same way? I have been really depressed about this and I don't know what to do. I am still experiencing medical problems and I thought that my grandmother would at least give me the family medical history. I realize that maybe my mother has continued with her life and maybe has gotten married without telling her husband that she had a child at 14 years old. But I was hoping that she would at least have one phone conversation with me and tell me about herself, my family history, medical history, and even who my biological father is. I would accept it if she told me that she didn't want me to contact her anymore. But the fact I am being told that this never happened and I have proof that she is my mother, is a little hard for me to accept.
I have searched my brain for reasons why I haven't heard anything. I theorized that my grandmother probably made my mother give me up for adoption. I know that my mother did name me at birth. So that gives me an indication that she cared somewhat for me. I even thought that maybe she was raped or maybe there was incest involved. At any rate I know that my mother is the only one who can answer these questions for me. Please give me your feedback.

[sara1979]

Do you think they are that helpful in Mecklenburg County? I believe I was born there, 11/03/1979...but I don't have access to birth records with names from there...they are all "sealed" Sara

[S Harrison]

Hattie:
I haven't been on here in a while so I popped in to see what was going on and read your posting. I was born and adopted in NC eventhough I know longer live there. Please do not give up hope. Just because you talked to the woman that you believe to be your grandmother, that does not mean that she ever told your mother that you contacted her. Until you have contacted your mother directly yourself, do not give up hope. Somebody in that family will be just as curious to find out about you as you are to find out about them. It may not be your grandmother and it may not be your mother, but somebody will be !!!

Hang in there and keep your chin up................adoption is tough and not having answers is worse..............

Best of luck to you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sue

[S Harrison]

Sara:

Contact the county where you were born and request your non-id information. Mecklenburg's birth records are online and very user friendly but they say that all adoptees have been removed. It wouldn't hurt to check though, sometimes people make mistakes.

I was born in NC and obtained my non-id a few months ago. I live in WI so searching is hard but I do know that I have siblings there and I will not give up until I find them. Start a notebook and collect your information. Write down everything you know about yourself and what you don't. Keep digging and fill in the blanks. If you have not registered with ISRR I would highly recommend it. It is free and you can update info as you gather it.

Good luck!!!

Sue

[S Harrison]

Unfortunately. this is not always the case. Yes it is true that they are all public record but most adoptees original birth certificates are pulled and sent to Raleigh.(especially the older ones) In some cases they are missed and folks get lucky so it is always worth a shot. I was born in Lincoln County and there is NO record of my birth in that county. My adoption was finalized in Guilford County and their births are online and there is NO record of my birth there. My brother and I are both adopted and neither of us show up on the Guilford Conty birth record eventhough both of our amended certs show we were born there. So if you do not find your birth record right away, do not give up!!!!!!!!!!! Keep diggind and searching........eventually you will find the right leaf to look under

[sara1979]

So, all I need to do is go to Raleigh?? I live in Cary, right next to Raleigh. What do I do when I get there? Thanks!!! Sara I also just found out that my adoption was not finalized until Apr. 9, 1981...but I was placed in my adoptive parents home Feb. 4, 1980, and my DOB is 11-03-79

[S Harrison]

OH Sara NO, I did not mean to mislead you. The are sealed in Raleigh and unaccessable. I just meant that they are not in the counties where we were born either. I am SO sorry that I mislead you..................contact the county where you were you born and the county where your adoption was finalized and request your non-id.................I grew up in High Point and my adoption was finalized in Guilford...however, to this day, they still claim that they cannot find my file. don't give up .............be persistently nice

Sue

[sara1979]

Sue,
According to the NC Birth Index, if my intuition leads me in the right direction, I am matched with a listing that was born in Mecklenburg County. My adoption was finalized and handled in Guilford County, NC by Children's Home Society in Greensboro. I have the non-id that the ageny has given me. Should I call DSS as well? If so, would I call in Meck County or Guilford County, or Wake County? If you have time, I'd like to send you all of my info. and see what you make of it?? my e-mail is unique_intuition@yahoo.com