[Daren99]

I'm a 40 year old man and have known my whole life I was adopted. My mom and dad never made it a secret, we lived on a farm in North Dakota so that would have benn pretty tough to do anyway. I've always thought my mom and dad were my mom and dad. I've never had the desire to look for my birth parents up until about a year ago. Nothing significant happened to change my mind just started to think about it one day. My mom died in 1998 and my dad is 80 this year and I don't want him to know, because I don't want to upset him, I don't know that it would but at his age I see no need to take the chance. What I was wondering is where to start? I was born in Fargo, ND November 4, 1968 and adopted through Luthern Social Services. Any help is appreciated

[jrainbow]

Searching is a real journey. Good luck.

Both my sister and I were adopted. She found her bmom about 15 years ago but we kept it a secret from our aparents for the same reasons that you shared. She loved our parents and knew they would be upset - and, since they were older and not in good health, she saw no reason to worry them. They never found out and it worked out fine for her.

I don't know anything about North Dakota but there are forums here about each state with their laws detailed. You can also contact Lutheran Social Services. Gather all the information that you can. There are other registries online - maybe she has registered someplace.

While you are looking you might want to read about reunions. There are books about reunion that help prepare you for the rollercoaster you are getting on.

Again good luck --- and keep in touch. This is a great place for support, help, and ideas.

JIll

[gorilla61701]

Are you close in proximity to Fargo?! Go to your library there and go to Adult Services. Go through their newspaper microfilm for hospital admissions and dismissals! Jot down the day before and day OF birth. Look for the womans name and see if she was discharged in time frame of the birth! Another thing, go to Classified Ads and check if the adoption is in there. You can tell with # on the birth certificate to # on court records.
Good Luck!

[txrnr]

I asked for my non-id from the state of In, and then from the agency I was placed from. The state info was thin, but still contained things I didn't know. The agency info was several pages long, and a kind sould left my mother's name in one section. I had located her and the family within a few days easily. (I have not contacted though) I'd try that. You will want the info anyway as it can contain great clues.

Good luck, and I don't blame you about not wanting to tell your father. If I was in your shoes, I think I would feel the same.

[lambs4lynn]

Originally Posted by Daren99

I'm a 40 year old man and have known my whole life I was adopted. My mom and dad never made it a secret, we lived on a farm in North Dakota so that would have benn pretty tough to do anyway. I've always thought my mom and dad were my mom and dad. I've never had the desire to look for my birth parents up until about a year ago. Nothing significant happened to change my mind just started to think about it one day. My mom died in 1998 and my dad is 80 this year and I don't want him to know, because I don't want to upset him, I don't know that it would but at his age I see no need to take the chance. What I was wondering is where to start? I was born in Fargo, ND November 4, 1968 and adopted through Luthern Social Services. Any help is appreciated

Always start with the information that you do have already. Start with the adoption agency. Your birthmother or other family members may have submitted a release of information form for you, just in case you ever did search. I know that I did this myself.

I understand why you don't want to broach this subject with your Father, but...he may have information about your origins. Many times adoptive parents are given much information. Just tell him that you are curious about your origins. That is a very natural thing for any person to want to know.

You need a copy of your original birth certificate. It holds a lot of information. You no doubt have an amended birth certificate, you need the original.

But, start with the solid information...that is the adoption agency. They hold all of the records pertaining to your adoption. They will know your original name, birthmother's name & quite possibly birthfather's name. Usually even your grandparents names, occupations, etc.

[gorilla61701]

Where DO you start when you live in an IDIOT state like Illinois who still believes in barbaric, mental abuse such as sealed adoptions & adoptees don't need to know. You can't start the car without a key! I can't start finding parents (?) without names!!!!