[wakebaby2007]

Hi I am doing a poll on whether or not Florida should have sealed adoption records. I want to know your opinion and why you think they should be sealed or why you think they should be open? Any help here would be appreciated...oh ya its going to be hopefully out of 50-100 people....but i will take what i can get.

[chunkmomma1]

I called today and spoke to FARR (J.M.)
and she informed me that she is still waiting on vital. We have been waiting on vital for months now.
So i thought I would call vital myself.( that was a waste of time)
If I was the adopted parent I would be able to get information on the birthparents, But me being the birthparent I am not able to get anything. I tried to expain that the child is over 18
she informed me that she did not care how old my birthdaughter is. I have no rights to know anything, because the adoption was sealed. now it was not my fault that the adoption agency went out of business. the adoption was semi open but when the agency closed the state picked up the files
and i have found out that the files are misplaced. i feel like i should have been notified that the agency was closing . so that way i could have done something but the state took it upon their self to close and seal all records
Fla. bites real bad
I feel like all adoptees should be able to get their records when they turn 18 and let them choose what the adoptee wants to do, I also think the birthparents should have some kind of rights too.
but this is my opinion and we all know what people say about opinions.

thanks for your time
i need no reply
shelli
***ISO- FEMALE - SEPTEMBER 6,1989***

[Longtimewaiting]

As a birthmother of a daughter born in 1975. I never wanted adoption, so I of course would like to see the records unsealed. I would like for the adoptee and the birthparents to both have access.

I can remember the only time that I was able to see my daughter before the adoption and telling her that I would hope that she would try and find me once she turned 18. She is now 32, shes either very happy with her life and doesnt see any reason to find me, or shes so angry with me that she refuses to acknowledge that Im alive, or she is dead. I am too sensitive of a person not to know what happened to her, how was her life, was adoption the best thing for her? I know that my life has been horrible because of the adoption. My father and siblings treated me like I was a leaper because of it. My mother just ignored all of it until she was on her death bed, and then she apologized and told me that I should have kept my daughter "at least you would have been happy".

If I had to do it all over again, I would have kept her. I would have done whatever it took to keep her. I would have gone on medicaid, food stamps, welfare, marrying her father, whatever it took. Instead, my parents chose adoption and I have suffered tremendously because of it.

[MrsHoot]

Originally Posted by Longtimewaiting

...If I had to do it all over again, I would have kept her. I would have done whatever it took to keep her. I would have gone on medicaid, food stamps, welfare, marrying her father, whatever it took. Instead, my parents chose adoption and I have suffered tremendously because of it.

Longtimewaiting - I'm so sorry you have really suffered because of your I adoption, I know your pain all too well...but consider this - my mother did marry my father, divorced him before I was three and I was dumped on his parents...although I did have a varied and sporadic relationship with both, at least through early high school - I suffered tremendously for it...and in the long run I wasn't raised by or with either of my parents. My mother and I have a relationship today, which is strained at best and I haven't seen or spoken to my Father in years.

It's all such a roll of the dice...looking back, I would have (and should have) kept my first born daughter and done everything to keep her, too...but knowing her today, as a grown woman, gives me to comfort of knowing she is "one if us", even if she wasn't "raised by us".

Hang in there Longtime...I just read another thread in which the "adoptee" was 51, so it may not be that she doesn't want to find you but just that she hasn't yet.

C.

BTW - as for the research...there is no doubt in my mind that open records are a necessity. It shocks me that the US is so backwards in it’s approach to adoption in general and why anyone thinks it’s a good idea to deny another human being their birthright – to know who they are and where they came from, something most American’s take for granted.

[ReOcB42008]

Am not a FL adoptee, am in same situation though, am NY adoptee - also a victim of closed records even though I am now 50 years old. Here is a poem I wrote during the last holiday season to express my fustration with closed records (which are only closed to the adoptee and the birthparents - the ones who have a RIGHT to know what is in them!). MJM (birthname)
"HAPPY" HOLIDAYS by Mary Jo Marvin
It is late in the night,and here I sit reading Adoption.com forums,heart aching and my emotions DEEP in the doldrums!
SO much hurt, heartwenching sadness and PAIN.
The ACHING to connect, the longing, the need to explain.
Birthmothers crying out to their kin, heartbroken that their child will think they're a sin.
Adoptees just desperately looking for Love, praying for a reason, a connection back from up Above.
Why do the OTHERS get to pry into our emotional jumble,
poking their noses in with attitudes SO unhumble?
Even a DOG has a right to a pedigree,
but a adoptee has no history, no heritage to see!
Mother and Father, sister and brother,
just get told "STAY OUT OF THE LIVES of each other"!
The ones who are the "stars" of this little show,
get told " GET LOST, get OVER it,
you SHOULDN'T NEED TO KNOW"!
"Your mother doesn't want you messing up her NEW Life!",
"Your daughter is happy, you'll HURT her, you'll bring sadness and strife!"
Meanwhile Holiday gatherings are here,
SUPPOSEDLY bringing families happiness,love and great cheer.
But HOW can WE be joyful - eagerly celebrating a New Year,when our FAMILY - our mother,our baby, aren't allowed to be near?
Mary Jo Marvin 12/20/07

[Searching4Adam]

Originally Posted by wakebaby2007

Hi I am doing a poll on whether or not Florida should have sealed adoption records. I want to know your opinion and why you think they should be sealed or why you think they should be open? Any help here would be appreciated...oh ya its going to be hopefully out of 50-100 people....but i will take what i can get.

I don't think that they should be sealed because the parents make that decision for the children at birth but what about when they are adults. Don't adpotees have the right to find both birth parents??

[Searching4Adam]

Originally Posted by Longtimewaiting

She is now 32, shes either very happy with her life and doesnt see any reason to find me, or shes so angry with me that she refuses to acknowledge that Im alive, or she is dead.

That is not true!!! I am 24 Female adopted from birth. I was not angry but curious. I never started to search for for my birth mother, didn't think it was possible because I didn't know much. Also it upset my adopted mom when I wanted to look for her because as a little kid I would would talk about finding my birthmom in arguments when I was upset. Their are tons reasons. She could have been looking for you but hasn't had any luck, you just don't know. Keep your head up and keep searching. Remember everything in life happens for a reason, you may not understand it now but you will in time.

[readingfan]

I wish they were not sealed - to have them sealed makes it difficult to find other siblings. My adopted son does not want to find his birth parents, but he would like to find his siblings, who were apparently also adopted out.

[jwmjwm]

Longtimewaiting, I'd like to echo what Searching said. I didn't actively search for my birthmother until I was in my 30's, and it wasn't because I didn't see a reason to find her or was angry. I think it just took me a while to feel settled enough in my life to be ready to search. I just wasn't prepared in my 20's to take on the emotions of a search and possible reunion.

I think a lot of people wait until they are older to search. (Also, the process can take a while, depending on the state.) So just because she hasn't found you yet doesn't mean she won't.

As for the research, I think records should be open. :-)