[heidibay66]

I am adult adoptee: I was just thinking that it is unfair that someone else, who has no connection to me or my original parents, gets to look at my records anytime they want because they are not involved and nothing at stake. When I spoke with Lutheran Social Services, the women I was talking to was sifting thru my file,while she was on the phone with me. She even made the comment that my original parents names were right in front of her. That would have been a good time for a new video phone right? She has no involvement and can see my information and their information right there.
I just don't think that it is fair that someone else has that power over my life and the path of my search. I understand privacy issues but how can this be handled better.
The attorney that handled my adoption, all those years ago, was a friend of my adoptive mothers. Even though he is dead now and all of his other files are on microfische, my have just disappeared from all records in his office and in the courts(so far). Someone else had the power to decide for me that I would never be allowed any ounce of information.
What if we have a judge who had a bad experience with his own adoption or such or just doesn't like us, he can tell us no. How fair is that? He can look at the files, clerks can look at the files, everyone can look at the files, but us...
How fair is it that someone else, not involved, can see our files and not us?
What do you think?

[Longtimewaiting]

The whole system is horrible....I am a bmother, and I applaud the idea that we open all the files. If a bparent absolutely does not want to be found, then they should have to send a letter stating so and why, and they should give current, very specific heath info. We now have open adoption that is available to the "newer generation", but that wasnt available to us. Why not open all the files, or give all the bmothers and bfathers the opportunity to contact the adoption agency that they worked with, sign whatever needs to be signed and have these closed adoptions become open adoptions.

[heidibay66]

That just sparked another Idea. We have recalls for cars and toys(now) for medical or risk factors. Why can't we just recall all the birth parents or send a letter to their last known address, or post it on the internet and in papers, that all the files are going to opened and they have 30 days to respond to keep them closed. Then original parents can make the choice. I am sure that some of them are scared about how their original kids might feel about them, but I am sure some of them might be curious and just want a peek, atleast, at them. There is probably a large number of them that would feel good if their kids found them and fought to do it. If the original don't want anymore than a peek then they can just peek, let their kids have a peek, and then move on...How hard is it to say,"Hello. I just wanted to make sure you were ok..Gotta go now." That would be fine with me, as an adoptee..at least then I would know,"ok, they don't want a relationship, just a meeting.." instead of them being scared and me thinking no one is looking for me..
You are right, open them all and let them close them if they want closed....
Maybe we should approach these petitions to open records that way..I have some connections..I could talk to them here in Washington state(which is hell on earth about records) and see what they say..
What do you think?

[briteyez45]

HI I think you all have started something that we need to seriously work on getting these records opened up . If the other party doesn't want anything to do with them that's fine . But at least give everyone the chose to find out where they came from, who they are, and if there are any serious medical problems that might need to be known. BTW Im from Indiana was born May 26, 1962 @ St. Marys Hospital in Evansville. and Indiana is just as bad as not giving any information The only information that Im getting is very little and that is from here on the Internet. MY question is my birth mother might not even have a computer if by chance she did want to find me so if they don't open these records some of us may never know our parents
BTW it seems that my records somehow was lost to since the lawyer has died. So I can relate with your frustration
Sherri

[susieloo]

Hello people. In New Zealand the records were opened in 1985!!! If a birth parent, or an adoptee didn't want to be found they had a period of time to put a veto on their records. This veto allowed the records to remain sealed for 10 yrs. After that period of time you have re register your veto for another 10yrs or records will be opened.
The right to remove the veto at any time applies!!!
Seems to have worked.
Just a thought.
I shudder when I hear how at the mercy of the courts you guys in USA are. It ISNT fair...not one bit!!!
Susie

[heidibay66]

Hope you all had a good 2007 Thanksgiving.
I think New Zealand has a really good idea there. And that is kind of the point. Why are some states, or even countries, starting to see that this needs to be done and some aren't? Why is it the right that some people get some people don't? Why, because I was born and adopted in Washington State, do I get to watch other people find information and not be able to get to my own? I mean, why are we so secret here that we want to hide origins from children who really need them? Why are we different? How can prove to people that we are more than willing to give them privacy if they want it, if we are not allowed to even know whether they want it or not?
I would rather hear from my original family that they want the privacy and don't want to get to know me yet. But instead the state decides that they want their privacy instead of asking them. Who has that right? And who gave it to them?
How do we get the word to the right people to make them see what we need to do is give both sides the option? My original mother decided to carry me for 9 months, decided to make sure I was taken care of and now they think she is not wise enough to decide whether she is ready to see me or talk to me?
Maybe we need to make them see the psychological advantage to opening records. Cause to tell you the truth, being adopted, it does affect you psychologically whether people want to admit it or not. You may be in a good family who treated you like you were born to them, or you may be their miracle child, but if you were not psychologically affected by being adopted, then why are you here? It may not be a bad affect,it may make you feel special, but if you are here, you must feel some attachment to the group of people who are searching.
That is what I think and I think New Zealand has a wonderful idea, veto and then in ten years if you feel the same, veto again. Atleast then the child and anyone else involved would know, "not right now." No wondering.

[briteyez45]

Indiana is the same. I'm 45 and I have been searching with no luck for several years now and the paper work that you can submit to the state to even get non-identifying information for well they have never responded back to me. I think it should be up to the birth parents and the adoptees to decide whether we want to know each other not the government it is our right. I was raised in a very good and loving home but still I'm very curious and would like to know where I come from and who my ancestors where and even who i look like much less I would like to know any health issues i might get or my kids and future grandkids. I have the right to know these things we need to figure out how to get our right to know made possible there has to be something we can do to get our records opened. If anyone has ideas please lets get this ball rolling and new laws passed for us.

Thank you,

Sherri

[heidibay66]

I came up with how I think a good law for open records should read. If you want to read it, it is at werethelost.com on the how we get involved page.
We are going to use that as our platform and organize a march on Olympia, that is the Washington State capital. I want it to go through downtown Olympia to the capital building and I was thinking a silent march with signs that read "The Government Has Silenced a Generation." then let people follow us to the capital where we can tell our stories and introduce how we think a good law should read and make the lawmakers hear us.
I would love to get people together in Washington Dc to march on that capital.
I don't think it is fair that all the choices are left up to everyone else. I mean, did we stay in our mothers until someone else decided we would come out? Whose rights are these that we question? OURS, Our Original Families and everyone RELATED to our Triad, not the doctors, social workers and other Government workers...It needs to change..NOW! I am tired of waiting and I have drank too much coffee and had too little sleep, I am ready, lets go...

[dmatz-morse]

I am a birth mom and I am all for the right to either the birth parents or the adoptee to be able to get the information that they need. When I placed my little angel up for adoption, I sent her with a letter explaining who I was and My name and my Parents address. I sealed it and gave strick directions for the adopted parents not to open to give to her when she was 18. Well, that did not happen. I went to the Home where I had her on her 18th birthday and was hopeing I could get information. Wrong all I got was 2 baby pictures and told that I could for 50.00 dollars be where if she tried to contact the Home that since I pd the 50.00 That she would get my name and last know address. I always let the home know if I moved or Name Changes. After a year and a half of no luck. I came across a site and posted a blog to try to find my daughter. It would be another 2 years before I found out anything. Unfortunally it was not the news I had wanted. Yea a aunt of hers found my blog and contacted the home to let them know that she had been killed in a car accident in July this was sept of 2005 when I found out. I got some updated pictures and she was very beautiful and I even got the letter back that I had wrote to her the day she was born it was never opened. But thanks to the internet I was able to find out her name and where she had lived and where she was buried out. That Oct 2005 my husband and I went to texas and I got to meet by baby girl at her grave. If records where open it would be so much easier for everyone involved. I am all for it, I do not think that the gov. should be involved. It should be between the birthparents and the adoptees. Let them
decied on there own if they want to have a relationship or not. At least both parties involved would get what inf they were looking for. Good Luck I hope the laws change soon.

[heidibay66]

Originally Posted by dmatz-morse

I am a birth mom and I am all for the right to either the birth parents or the adoptee to be able to get the information that they need. When I placed my little angel up for adoption, I sent her with a letter explaining who I was and My name and my Parents address. I sealed it and gave strick directions for the adopted parents not to open to give to her when she was 18. Well, that did not happen. I went to the Home where I had her on her 18th birthday and was hopeing I could get information. Wrong all I got was 2 baby pictures and told that I could for 50.00 dollars be where if she tried to contact the Home that since I pd the 50.00 That she would get my name and last know address. I always let the home know if I moved or Name Changes. After a year and a half of no luck. I came across a site and posted a blog to try to find my daughter. It would be another 2 years before I found out anything. Unfortunally it was not the news I had wanted. Yea a aunt of hers found my blog and contacted the home to let them know that she had been killed in a car accident in July this was sept of 2005 when I found out. I got some updated pictures and she was very beautiful and I even got the letter back that I had wrote to her the day she was born it was never opened. But thanks to the internet I was able to find out her name and where she had lived and where she was buried out. That Oct 2005 my husband and I went to texas and I got to meet by baby girl at her grave. If records where open it would be so much easier for everyone involved. I am all for it, I do not think that the gov. should be involved. It should be between the birthparents and the adoptees. Let them
decied on there own if they want to have a relationship or not. At least both parties involved would get what inf they were looking for. Good Luck I hope the laws change soon.

Hey, we need your story. This is the kind of story that really need to hear. The adoption agency and the who knows who else kept you from what you rightfully deserved until it was too late..they need to hear this kind of stuff. It probably would have been different for you if you had the choice. You could've chose to open them and if you got a no from her, that she wasn't ready, then you would probably feel different about this. At least then you would've known it was her choice.
This is just sad. I sit here looking for a mom that I can't find and you sit here grieving a daughter you never got to have. These stories need to be told. Please don't give up on us, help us stand..Just because your daughter could not stand with you does not mean you are not a birth mom or don't have rights..I need a Birth mom to stand by me because mine is absent and I just feel that all of you original moms are my mom..I am so sorry about what happened to you.
Who had the right to keep this womens letter from her daughter..she grew up to legal age.?

[Mrs_Tammy94]

I know the feeling, I too have just talked with someone in the agency that I used for the adoption and she said they have all the information. But when they contact the adoptive family and they don't want to give out any information on my son then that is it. The case worker said that she will try calling again and hope that maybe one day he will answer (my bson). You mean to tell me that I can't do anything else? I am fustrated.

I feel your fustration, good luck.

[susieloo]

Heidi it touched me when u said that you felt all of us moms were original mums!!! I have this feeling of wanting to be able to be birthmum to all of you and welcome you home with open arms.Aghhhhhh!
I get really cross about closed records and I get really cross about bmums who won't recieve their child....for whatever reason!!!!!
I believe as mentioned in your other post....it needs to change now!!!!! Get loud.Scream it to the world!! Just how dare they!!!!! Grrrrrrrr!!!!!
You know I reckon if this was a story about animals having their babies taken at birth there would be more fussss!!!!!!!!
As you may guess I have a political interest in the adoption industry as well as personal one.
I'll post a story soon bout a story i heard...no time now.
Susie

[susieloo]

Perhaps you could all get jobs in the departments involved!!!! LOL! Just a cheeky thought!
Susie

[heidibay66]

((((soosieloo)))))I would love to be your daughter. As an original daughter I receive so many emails from almost frantic mothers who want so badly to find their children. It is up to all of us on both sides to make sure that all of us, related due to adoption, take care of each other. Thank you so much for you words they came at a time when I needed them.(just a bad day at home)

I did find out my original parents names two days ago, on top of the world about that.

I am the daughter of Kathleen and Michael.

[Mrs_Tammy94]

Congrads Heidibay66. I am so inspired when I hear that. It gives me hope. I am from Indiana and they have very stick laws. First I couldn't start to find my son till he was 21. Now that I have, Catholic Family Services is takin their own sweet time. Or maybe protecting the adoptive family. I don't know but what I have read about them it scares me to no end.