[ReOcB42008]

I know it hurts but I'm sure there was a valid reason she couldn't be there, Sweetpea. Ask her why and see what she says. Hey -getting together to watch the video sounds like a good idea - but why surprise her? Ask if your mom and sis can come over and see it with you. Surprises sometimes cause hurt feelings, and there have definately been enough of those, right? Until then - how WAS the play? Tell us please! Hugs - MJ
PS Heidi's idea of sharing the video with us online sounds GREAT - whatcha think????

[sweetpea012607]

Oh I know why she couldn't be there. It's all because she had a 'family thing' planned.

I asked her a month before the play was even put on and she told me this the night before the play. I'm so utterly mad and angry. Am I not her family too?? Did she not want me to have the only thing I've ever asked of her??

Just this one thing makes me want to stop asking her for anything. She says she loves surprises, I just wanted her there, you know?

I would love to share the play with you all, I'm just not sure how I would do that.... can anyone tell me how??

[ReOcB42008]

Hi Sweetpea! Why don't you just talk to your bmom and tell her how upset her missing the play has made you? Ask HER why your play wasn't a "family thing" but your bsister's was. I know it's hard but sometimes asking for the truth clears the air and will at least let her know she has hurt you - which she needs to know. HeidiBay had some ideas about the video. See if she can help, ok? Take care, hon. Hang in there. Hugs - MJ

[heidibay66]

Hey., did you video your play? I would love to know how it went and how you are feeling after the holidays.

[sweetpea012607]

My b-mom says she's completely uncomfortable in my home church. Both she and my b-sister say so. I don't know why. They say they feel unwelcome. But that isn't true! Every single member in my church goes out of their way to make every single visitor feel welcome. It's just the way my church is. We don't turn people away. We invite them in to worship with us.


I can get my video to play in the dvd player but not in my computer... so I don't know what to do. I wanted to upload so you all could see it but I don't even know how to do that. As for how I'm feeling... like chopped liver. I honestly don't think my b-mom appreciated her gift. The weekend I went to visit them, we went to David's Bridal and got my Bride's maid dress. Now I just have to pay for it by February 1st. Then we went to chili's to eat. I wasn't very hungry because I had been sick prior, but I went anyway. Well we got a seat in the bar area, smoking and all.

Both my b-mom and b-sister know I can't be around that stuff. I don't want to be around alcohol because I don't want people to assume I'm drinking too. I can't be around smoke because I'm allergic to it and I was already having a hard time breathing. Well that night my b-mom also promised me that she would try to get ahold of my b-dad. Well she contacted his sister and guess what.... he told his family that I had been aborted!!!! Not to mention that I find out yesterday that I have 3 more half sisters, ages 22, 11, and 9. Yippee. He lives in Raleigh NC and I want to contact him so very badly. I even have his mailing address. But I'm supposed to wait for him to contact me, and that's only if he wants to. So I'm completely stressed and freaking out. Plus I started school today!!

[Redhead67]

I was given up in 1967 and then 18yrs. later I gave up my little girl in 1986.So I know both sides of the fence as far as crying goes.I am now 40yrs old,my little girl and I have found each other and we talk on the phone and we visit each others homes once a yr. for a month at a time,but as far as my bfamily goes I still have not been able to find any of them.So yes I cry everyday,especially now that both of my adopted parents have passed away,and with children of my own I wish I could tell them who they really look like and can't.My girl she tries to help me with my feelings but all I can tell her is that she is whole and I still feel that most of myself is missing with out my bfamily by my side.

[ReOcB42008]

Hi Sweetpea - Sorry you couldn't get the video to run. Try emailing Heidi to see if she can get it to run for us - she said in an earlier post she could. WONDERFUL news that you have a link to your Bdad. I would send him a card - just a "thinking of you" anyway - though with younger kids (11 and 9 yr olds) might still have not told them about you. Sorry about what he told his family - was probably just his young age talking when it happened. Was thinking about your bmom and sister's thing about not wanting to go to your church. I believe in God and try to be good but do not attend church - have alot of reasons why though I respect that others (including my sister that I live with) do get comfort from it. Maybe your sis and bmom are like me and church itself makes them uncomfortable. Just an idea. Anyway, try to be patient and stay in their lives as much as they let you in. That's the best you can do. Love, MJ (ReOcB42008)

[sweetpea012607]

I'll send Heidi a pm and see what she thinks about the video. Which reminds me I still gotta get it back. I would really like to send the card, it's a wonderful idea! But I don't know if I should. I don't get it, both he and my birth mom have kids before me, why give up me?
Getting off track here but: I believe that if you believe in God and you take one day out of the week to rest in Him and you read your Bible and try your best to live for Him and you believe in your heart that you're saved and forgiven that you're doing a good job. In the old days they didn't have churches, so they would take a day and sit together as family and have their own worship.
Anyway, back on topic: I want to send him something but I'm afraid of making someone mad in the process. You know?
I guess it's like I've seen Wilted Rose post, you have to make your reunion on your own terms. What you're willing to give to the relationship and what you would appreciate in return. (Wow I'm long winded today)

[ReOcB42008]

Hey Sweetpea! I don't understand why bparents keep some kids and still give up one. My bmom supposedly went on to get married and have more kids so I guess I understand why she kept them and not me (wasn't married when had me) but your situation throws me. Did hear of worse though. Was good friends with another adoptee when in high school. One day went to old school's pool and there was my friend who I hadn't seen since we graduated. She had news for me - had found her birthfamily. Turns out she was a middle child and more than that was a TWIN yet bparents kept all the rest and gave HER up! THAT had to hurt! She has had alot of health problems from birth on so maybe THAT is why they only gave her up although her bmom said it was financial woes. WHY HER THEN and not the rest?
Doesn't seem to make sense huh? Shrug! Hugs - MJ

[sweetpea012607]

That's a really sad story MJ, really sad. I don't know what to say or do, I'm not having a very good day.

[ReOcB42008]

Yes, IS sad but she went on to perservere and now is happily reunited with her birthparents! She told me she just has to remember that they ARE strangers - she didn't grow up with them - and that ANY relationship she has with them is a bonus (!) she wouldn't have had if they hadn't had the chance to reunite. I think it is a positive way to believe when dealing with all the awkwardness of reunion. Hope your day goes better! Hugs - MJ

[sweetpea012607]

I hope everything continues to go well for your friend and for every adoptee out there who is looking to re-unite and search.

[AdopteeSLC1970]

I am really touched by your post. I'm adopted also fortunately into a really great family! However I have been searching for my biological family for years and feel the same way you do, So it is nice to know someone else feels the same way and is going through the same things I am!

[heidibay66]

I am sorry I haven't been here for a while. I have been kind of sick this winter. I feel so guilty for not keeping up. Are you guys doing ok? Thank you Rebecca for keeping up with everyone. Your words are so helpful.
heidi

[heidibay66]

I am finally starting to feel better but I still have this stupid cough.
How is everyone doing? Did we work out the video problem? My son and I went over some stuff and we both agree that video was probably just read only or locked. Did you talk to the lady at your church? Did your mom get to see it? What going on with everyone? I feel so behind.
Miss you all
Heidi