[briteyez45]

Mrs. Tammy

yes Indiana sucks big time with their laws on adoption. I have been searching for several years for my birth family and even have sent off for the identifying and non identifying information with no luck. Maybe we can get some kind of letter going to the governor to help us open our sealed records and and our right to know

Sherri

ISO bfamily
born 5/26/62
Evanville,In
St Marys Hospital

[heidibay66]

I really wish we could just have like an online potluck and sit around and drink coffee and put all of our frustrations down on paper and send it to the powers that be.
Could you guys, and anyone who happens by here, send me a statement about what state you are from and the problems you are having and the reasons why you would like to have open records. I can compile them and get them all together by state. Then maybe we can work on getting together with the national government to work on getting them to force states to do something. I mean its worth a try right...If we don't try them we never know...

[susieloo]

You go girl...wished I could be more help from the bottom of the world!!!
I was chatting to someone online a few weeks ago. He is dying to search for his birthmum and everything is horribly sealed. His wife works at the same hospital he was born, but he is being a good lawful citizen and not using that avenue. I respect that he doesnt want to put his wife in a difficult situation.....but how tempting it must be. What would you do. I dont think I could resist the temptation!!!
Fantastic news about finding ur parents names...such a small thing and yet sooooo BIG!
I met an elderly woman a few years ago who told me the sadest story.

She was married with two daughters ( this was in the late 40's ) when her husband died in an accident. She was overcome with depression and was eventually institutionalized ( can u imagine how ghastly those places were back then, they are bad enough now!!)
Anyway when she finally came out her two daughters had been adopted out. Aghhhhhh. Scream!!!!!!!
Tears sprung to my eyes when she was telling me.
We met at the wedding of a consequent daughter and she had one of the adopted daughters with her. They held hands the whole time and it was so overwhelming. Saddest thing is that the other daughter that was adopted out doesn't want to make contact!
Stories like rip my heart out.
I am with you all the way and so admire your courage.
I sure hope kathleen and Michael are out there somewhere waiting for you. I can guarentee you would have never been forgotten about. I used to cry my eyes out each birthday and was generally a total mess. Its a sin against nature!
Will check on ur progress, and good luck.
I have three more beautiful children and that no way lessens the loss. Infact it almost makes it harder. When I am down now tho I really concentrate on them, it just gives me somewhere to channel all that love that inside me.
You take care.
Susie

[D28Bob]

Originally Posted by heidibay66

What if we have a judge who had a bad experience with his own adoption or such or just doesn't like us, he can tell us no. How fair is that? He can look at the files, clerks can look at the files, everyone can look at the files, but us...
How fair is it that someone else, not involved, can see our files and not us?
What do you think?

In my case, there is a part of my story which leads me to believe that judge Mason, who got my original petition was best friends with a fellow judge Martin who may either be my father or related. Incidentally, Judge Mason, who heard my request, was himself an adoptive father, which may have influenced his attitude. My non-ID info states my birth father was a pre-law student who wanted to become a lawyer. When I started my search, judge Mason himself made the contact with my birth parent. NOT COMMON!
The thought grew in my mind that he opened the file and saw a name he recognized. So I went to Jackson County Courthouse in Kansas City and went to his old courtroom. No, Mason's portrait didn't look like me. But he had recently died, and his obituary mentioned a close friend since law school and fellow judge. So I went across the hall to his friend's former courtroom and took one look at the portrait. I snapped both portraits with my phone camera and sent it to several friends and family. Within minutes my sister called me and said "It's Judge Martin!" Another friend said she fell out of her chair.
So did I get an honest deal from the court system? All Judge Mason (who handled my file) had to do was walk across the hall and ask Judge Martin if he wanted anything revealed. And in 1986, most judges didn't really want this out in the open, that they fathered a child out of wedlock in law school.
I'm still tracking my origin. And if I find the trail documents lead to Judge Martin, I do have his phone number and address.

[heidibay66]

So what states are all of you from? Maybe we could help tackle the harder states first. As far as I know, all states are suppose to give non-identifying. I can't remember right now who posted a response and said they didn't get non-id.
It is crazy in Washington, we have to be 25 yrs old before we can get anything without the consent of the adoptive parents. I just really thought that turning 18 made me responsible for my decisions. I mean if I break a law I can go to prison, not Juvenile detention. So why is it 25 yrs old before I can even have non-id without the permission of a women who raised my as her "adopted" child who she said no one else wanted? That is Crazy. What is wrong with people..? Why do governments needs so much control? Do they think we are going to run hog wild with a machine gun or something and plow everyone down if we find out they lied or messed up our records? I mean, get over it, the past is in the past, I just want to KNOW!!! If my original parents say no, they say no, I will leave them alone, but give us all a chance to decide that for ourselves without the interference of others...Gees..
(sorry, emotion day on the computer day I needed to vent. Thank you for listening.)

[Mrs_Tammy94]

I couldn't of said things any better. I am so fustrated with the State. (I am in Indiana) I hate that I was told something at the time of adoption that wasn't true. Catholic Family should not be called a christian agency. They told so many lies. I don't care if I was a minor or not. I still had ever right to be told the truth when I gave my son up for adoption. It was the hardest thing in the world.
Now, I have some lady looking at my file (if she is even telling me the truth) telling me I can't have any info until she contacts my son first and gets the okay from him to give out his information. I understand she is doing her job. But, she seems cold as ICE. I am afraid she might blow it for me.

So full of fustration, bmom

[D28Bob]

In 1987, I went to Catholic Charities in Kansas City. I remember sitting across the desk from the man who had my file, and him looking through it. I kept wishing he would have to go get a drink or visit the toilet so I could look at the file while he was gone. Then I actually considered whether I could just take him down and look at it myself before I got tackled by police - I mean, what could they do except charge me with assault and battery? And truthfully I think I could have plead temporary insanity - the emotions were just overwhelming to know that what I wanted was lying on his deskl

Bob Haight

[Mrs_Tammy94]

Bob, I know that feeling. I have had many many wild thoughts of the same go through my head. Also, I think that Sherri has a good idea. We should hold meeting with all us Indiana Bmoms and adoptees and put all our complaints down on a letter and send it to the govenor. Something has to be done. I hate this control the state has. There has to be some kind of answer. Other states have changed and Indiana should too. We are not murder's. The law will protect those who don't want contact. They could file a restrainment or something if other parties don't want contact, and that is just if there is a problem. I don't think in our cases there wouldn't be much. I don't know am I thinking right?

[heidibay66]

I am so sorry Indiana is like that. I know how frustrating that can be. In Washington state you actually can not get any information, even non-id, until you are 25 unless you have the adoptive parents permission. It is like you are not grown up at 18. You can vote, you can exercise your right to speak. You are responsible enough for your own action to go to jail. But you can't find out anything about your family. It is sad.
But, we do have to realize that we are facing these and do it with respect for the law. We have to change the law, but we need to make sure we do it the right way. Yes, people can file restraining orders, but, like I have told someone else, out here in Washington, they are not always effective. We know we are not going to stock people and it they tell us to go away we will. But I filed a restraining against a guy because he was violent. He would damage my car while I slept so I could go anywhere. He loosend the bolts on my transmission and it fell out while I was on the freeway, with my kids in the car. He put sugar in my gas. He took lug nuts off my tires. He would sit just beyond the length on the restraining order and watch us. It got to the point that I couldn't even leave my house. He was caught walking up to my apartment window by security and they knew who he was and let him go. It took over ten violations before a police officer called and asked any questions. finally after I played the tape of messages he left on voice mail about how he was going to make sure that if he couldn't have me no one would, they picked him up. He was only in Jail over night. I ended having to sell my car, move and change jobs, before I finally had any peace.
Knowing that their are restraining orders is not the answer. I realize that my situation may be extreme, but it gave an understanding of privacy. If we are going to change the laws we can not expect or even try to use another law to make them hear us. The only other law we can even think about is the privacy law. What we need is a system that covers the privacy law and still gives us rights. If we approach this right, we can effect changes. As excited as I get to know, I still know that if we walk in and scream all we are going to do is get the police on us. If we walk in calmly and state our case and have a law that protects all sides and is just. They will have no reason to turn us down.
I know that most people think this approach doesn't work but think about it. The leaders that have been heard are the ones who preach peaceful change. No violence. You can get on the news for riots, but what does it change?
I see so many kids these days protesting the war and most of them have no idea what they are protesting.They fight so hard for a cause they know nothing about but they don't fight for things that they should. I saw a vehicle being driven by some kids that had two bumper stickers, one said "pro choice" the other said "no war". It just kind of hit, what an oxymoron that was. They think you should have the right to an abortion, which to some people is killing, but they don't want a war because people are getting killed. We want change but we aren't getting it. Don't you think that we should change the approach. We yell and scream about our rights but they think we want to invade the rights of others. So, lets give them the proof that we are fair. Cover all the rights with a law that still gives us information. You can go see what we think it should be on our site listed below, go to the how we get involved page. And instead of marching state by state for change, lets change the whole country.

[susieloo]

I've been thinking hard on this issue for you guys! My latest thought was provoked by my gorgeous 17yr old daughter who at the moment is singing the Pink song
" Mr President." Do you guys know it?
She sang it at her school concert the other night, with my son playing guitar...( Yes very proud mum).
The audience was silenced as she sung...those words so powerful..and the ovation was fantastic.
So, maybe your voices can also be heard through song. A strong protest song that becomes number one is my fantasy. Who would write and sing it I don't know? Maybe Pink! Apparently she was invited to to the white house sfter that song came out. " what kind of father would take his own daughters rights away?" is a line in that song that always jolts me.
What do you think of that idea! ( I am an idealist people so excuse me if I get too carried away)
Susie

[BrockBaby]

Sorry to barge in here, but I just wanted to tell you guys that I agree that something needs to be done.As a teenager I always hated the fact that there were dog owners that knew their ANIMALS lineage, and family history...but I couldn't. I hate how clerks, judges, and adoption workers make searching adoptees and bparents feel like criminals. Stick it there!!!!!! I was told by the clerk, when I first petioned the court for my non id these EXACT words...
"there is no such thing as NON identifying information ALL information is identifying"
To which I replied, "then why do other counties give out non id??"
Then this what the ninny said to me...
"WELL our judge takes it VERY seriously the PROMISE of confidentiality given to THOSE women who GAVE UP babies from PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!!!"

At that point I didn't know if I should cry or slap her...so I did the only thing that comes natural to me..I got smart!

And I said, "And this judge..he's an elected official, right?" Her reply...Yes... My reply NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!

What is it that makes people LIKE HER think that she can and should treat adoptees and bmoms like that?!! Society as a whole needs wake up call. I so would love to go back to that clerk and say, GUESS WHAT THAT WOMAN that YOU said was promised confidentiality wasn't and she wanted to know SOMEONE LIKE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you go girls!!!!!!!

[heidibay66]

I do write a lot..I do write lyrics, I guess maybe I could work on some words and my kids are musical..Does anyone know if there is a singer who is adopted here in the united states? I guess that would be a good thing to find out. I did write some lyrics about runaways, it is actually the inspiration for the name of our site, werethelost.com..the chorus is: Were the lost, the lonely on some broken road, our shoes are worn to tattered soles, our hearts and hands they have no goals, were the forgotten minds of days gone by, were the wings that will never fly, were the lost.
I could change the words around..its posted on Home if you guys have any ideas..
I actually think that if we did something like that it should be sung by a singer who is adopted and the chorus should be sung by a group of adoption triad members..a large group. I think that would have a lot of impact. We could interject stories maybe instead of words to the song and then they could say their short story of what they are going thru and then the chorus could be sung. Actually, now you got me really thinking. We could make it a video and send it in to tv stations and radio stations..this is a really good idea. I make videos too. Maybe you who want to participate could send me a reel through email of you telling your story. Then we would just have to get some people together to sing the chorus.. It would be cheaper than everyone flying to DC and we could include everyone around the world.
What do you think???

[Emster]

Briteyez--

I'm a Hoosier with just enough knowledge about search to be dangerous. Have you gotten directly in touch with the agency that did the adoption? I know that if the state office doesn't have anything on file (and they don't re: medical information, etc. prior to the early 80's I think), then the state won't reply to your request for non-id. they won't reply to a request for id information if the bparent has not registered as well. SO...if you can prove that you've applied for non-id info at your agency, they should be able to give you non id information straight from your file and could be able to act as an intermediary to assist in contacting your bmom given most recent ifnormation in the bmom file.

[D28Bob]

Who's the rapper who just found his birthfamily - Darryl McDaniels (the DMC of Run DMC) - he would, I bet!

As for the idea of adoptees who get jobs helping others search, in Kansas there is Marilyn Waugh. She works for the State and is a birthmom, and her job is reuniting moms and their children. It helps that Kansas never closed their records, but Marilyn is an activist who we hope will testify in Missouri when we can get the legislature to consider opening the law.
Missouri adoptees hope for better records laws | Hugh.welsh@examiner.net

I've already met with my local Missouri representative and convinced him to support and maybe cosponsor the bill in January. GET ON IT, folks - I decided that even though I am getting very close to finding my own birthmom despite Missouri's closed system, the law NEEDS to be changed and no one but ourselves is going to do it. The vast majority of people (VOTERS) haven't a clue about our situation, and most can't believe the laws are so bad.

Bob Haight (born Robert McCullough)
St. Anthony's Home
Proud bastard
Missouri

[jrainbow]

Carly Simon is a reunited birthmom but I think it was in Canada. Her daughter travels with her now. Maybe she would be interested. The legislators are more her generation.

In my opinon, we somehow need to go national and have the supreme court knock out sealed records for adults based on discrimination. Get all the records for Ameican adults adopted in any state opened at the same time. The fact that as an adult I do not have access to my original birth certificate and that every form of identification I have is based on a lie is unbelievable. People are arrested for having id's based on lies.