[newlyorphaned]

Thanks for the info but I'm orriginally from CA where there are only a few open counties thus far. Unfortunately LA is not one of them.

[WhoDoILookLike]

I am begining to think that I don't belong a member in this forum. What is non-id info?

[WhoDoILookLike]

Oh My Goodness!!

[MissyJ]

WhodoIlooklike: NID is the information we receive from agencies who handled our adoption. The "real" name of NID is "non-identifying information." That's the key, non-identifying. Information is rather scarce and vague. They give you enough information to make you ask even more questions, answers you aren't "allowed" to have (by law).

Probate Court: Depending on the State, Probate court handles death issues (Wills and division of property), Marriage license stuff, Automobile licenses, Drivers Licenses, Recording of Documents, and a few other things. In some areas, it's the court in charge of non-criminal juvenile procedures (if no juvenile court is available or provided for).

Moo: Congratulations! I need to do that also. Maybe I can get my records unsealed, as we think my birth father is deceased...the key word is "think."

As for open records, Alabama is one of the states. You can also go pick up a copy of your original birth certificate from any county health department. The wait is approximately 30 minutes, although I have seen it take as long as an hour, and short as 10 minutes--depending on the number of requests for death certificates, marriage licenses and other birth certificates.

[newlyorphaned]

Non-id info is short hand for Non-identifying information which is what you can contact your state department of social services that handles the adoption records in your state. I wrote to CA for mine and got them free "in 6 to 8 months." Mine gave some information on parents build, marital status, education, military service, etc. Nothing that did me much good other than conflirm what I had already found out from my own search. There's lots of info on the forums about non-id stuff. Most of it negative about the information being wrong. I've worked with the Dept. of Human Services in my state and know that they do make a lot of mistakes. It's nice to have but it really dosn't make much difference that I can tell to a search. Hope that helps

[sweetangel]

i have a question i had a birth name on file but they said that they can't release it why can't they i just want my first name at birth tygail

[rbbrdckyr]

When I felt ready to get my records, I needed to go before a judge to have the sealed records avsilsble to me. I also had to agree to conditions. I know it doesn't seem right but it is the way it works.

[MissyJ]

Gail, I wish they would release that information, but unfortunately, they cannot, as it is not considered "non-identifying." They give it to you, and it will be a clue as to who you and your birth parents are.

No matter where you are living, please support the open records legislation in your State, and the State where you were adopted from.

I supported the movement in Alabama, way before I ever found out I was adopted...and am now supporting it in California. Write, write, write to the legislature!!!!

[LibertyArk]

Hi Missy, this is such great advice. I'm in California where many of my adoptive friends were born and are blocked from having access to their 411. Not only thta, but social services does the same thing... when I finally got my file from foster agencies after asking for 15 years, practically every page was whited out because of that freaking law of -non-identifying- it just makes no sense... it's my life and I can't know my own history! There are foster parents out there with entire photo albums of my young siblings and I when we temporarily lived with one another, and we don't have a right to access those pictures because the courts deem the contact address of where we lived to be identifying.

[Blue Irish Eyes]

I find it really frustrating too that we can't have our file. When we are adults and our bparents are elderly and possibly deceased I don't know why in heavens name this is still locked in some vault. And it is outrageous that if we were to have a medical condition that the bfamily should know about..will the courts pass that info that way? It is wrong to be denied what others can know. We are really treated like second class citizens in this regard. Maybe it is time to write to our Senators and Congress persons.

[MissyJ]

Liberty, I know what you mean. When I received my NID, I finally got a partial picture from the second time I wrote. (Yep, I requested MORE after receiving my NID.) Unfortunately, most of it is false on my birth mother.

BIE: It's PAST time to write. Especially for older adoptees. Everyone needs to write...and write NOW.

Spread the word. Let others know of the plight of adoptees and foster kids. We ARE NOT "normal" citizens. We are NOT afforded basic information that could possibly allow us to find out if we are at risk for inherited disease.

There are some of us that are adopted that are related to Native Americans. We are not afforded the same rights as they are, simply because we were adopted. Sometimes even without the knowledge of the Native American birth father (if we were born before the ICWA).

BIE, we aren't second class citizens, we are expendable.

It's time for action. Write. Write every legislative person in the State. Let them know a law needs to be made to allow ALL adoptees and foster children their full and complete files, with nothing changed, or whited out. No questions, or conditions should be added on.

You know, I thank God for my birth mother. When I wrote, she told me she had been waiting since I turned 18. She had told her entire family about me. She answered all of my questions immediately (as in, the answers were in my mailbox 4 days after she received my letter!), openly and honestly.

When I explained how I found her (after she asked "what took you so long?") she could not believe the small amount of information I had. That's when we started comparing my NID with what was really going on.

She had no knowledge of any of the "reunion" registries. That's a shame also.

[blankenb4]

I am just amazed that there are adoptees out there that are not told that they have been adopted.

[MissyJ]

Blankenb4... Yep. True. Look at my signature. I was 45 when I finally found out.

[blankenb4]

MISSYJ,

MAY I ASK YOU HOW YOU FOUND OUT AND WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION?

tHANKS,

bARBARA

[MissyJ]

Sure Barbara, it's no problem to answer those easy questions.

Let me see, initial reaction when my brother told me? "Well, that answers a lot of questions." Little things that were said, and made no sense at the time, suddenly made a whole lot of sense!

You know how they say you can see your life flash before you at certain times? Well, that's what happened to me. That's what it was like.

Anyway, I felt relief about knowing. I had always felt like I didn't belong. I always had felt disconnected from everyone. You know...the feeling of being alone in a room full of people? I always felt like something was wrong with me and that was why I wasn't close or bonded to these people. Even though everyone was friendly, it felt superficial...it's really hard to explain.

You see, my parents are deceased. About 14 years ago, I was diagnosed with a hereditary disease. When the doctor told me, and got a medical history (that I thought was mine), he wanted to speak with my mom (dad was deceased) about this, to see if I was missing something. When the follow-up appointment came, mom went with me. He told her the results, and asked for the family history. It was the same as I had given...then he asked if there was a chance that I was adopted, or not her husband's child... she said "no." So, I became a "genetic anomoly."

Then, in late 2003, I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. They got it all, and gave me some chemo to "make sure." Of course, I had to tell my brother.

Then came the phone call...he and my aunt had debated as to how to tell me I was adopted. He felt it was wrong that my parents had not told me. She felt it was wrong also. In fact, it was debated within the family and almost caused a problem...because my parents had not told me. Everyone thought that was wrong.

I'm not going to tell you what my doctor said...but I will tell you that he's now taking care of my daughter...and he's helping me with the medical aspect of this.

Second reaction? Anger at my parents for not telling me. I went to the cemetery and yelled at them. Yep, I sure did. One of my mom's friends was there putting flowers on her son's grave and heard me. I explained what was going on and SHE got mad too! She said it wasn't right. Anyway, after I got through "being mad" I forgave them. It was easy to do and cleansing for me. I cried on my mom's friend's shoulder. She let me "let it all out."

Then, I felt sorrow. Sorrow for my parents. I had lived a lie, yet when it came down to it, they still could not tell me. This lie could caused my death...if not for an astute doctor. Yet, I still felt sorry for them. Strange, isn't it?

Next was action. My brother and aunt both were willing to write to whomever needed writing to...to allow my records to be opened from the adoptive parents side. They are still willing to stand with me in court if I choose to go that route. They both have written to the legislature in California in support of open records (at my request).

They also bugged me (but a loving bug) about "is it in yet?" about every 3 days from the time I sent my request for NID out.

When I received my NID (4 months later), they were both appalled that I received next to nothing even after 2 requests. The first was the biggie...the second was to clarify some information and to ask for some other information.

The day after he told me, my brother had called some of my parent's old friends. Next thing I know, everyone was calling me and supporting me...asking what they could do. Many of them thought I was not searching out of respect for my parents. Since we've all kept in touch over the years, it wasn't hard to talk to any of them.

My brother is now hunting through the family pictures and making copies of my pictures for my birth parents. I will be presenting these to my birth mother when we finally meet in a few more weeks. When I finally find my birth father (birth mother is helping to hunt him down), if he wants them, he will have a set also.

No matter what, I thank God that I had the parents I did. The support system is absolutely amazing. From family, to old friends, to new friends, everyone is there. If I have a question, I can go to any of them and receive an answer. I am also free to "sound off" to any of them and they won't judge me. Can't beat that, under any circumstances, can you?

Did that answer your questions??

Feel free to ask more, if you need to.