[Blue Irish Eyes]

Originally Posted by KyleBruceNelson

I got my non-identifying info this afternoon and for the first time in 41 years I know for sure what nationalities I have...well at least half of them and that's a good day for this Grandfather! I had to quit reading all the posts here for a while...the anticipation was awful, and reading "happy" posts wasn't helping : ) No offense! !
I found out my birthname is Mark Alaxander...hmmm...Kyle Bruce....Mark Alaxander, forgive me, I'm losing it here, I don't know what to think just yet. It took less than a month...so if anyone is waiting have hope and I feel for ya, this is crazy!

Good for you,now you have exciting news. And as crazy as it feels now it will get crazier...I always knew my birth name,,it was on the decree documents. And when I went into the sercive the FBI did a check ( they do on adoptees) and it confirmed my "alias",
In 2002 I bagan my search and I can remember how excited I was to learn at least half of my heritage. On my non id info it had my bfather's heritage too. If yours doesn't call the agency and see if in the notes they have (trust us they don't send everything they actually have) and maybe you can learn more.
The agency ( CC) tried for a full search for me and located my bmom but she never answered the mail so the court ordered the case closed. So I hired a PI and learned names on the mothers side ( couldn't find the father), and much more. Later I talked to her for about 10 minutes but she made it pretty clear she wanted nothing to do with me, happy with her life now as it is she said. So I got into genealogy and filled in lots of blanks and later found a cousin with whom I am now in touch and we have become good friends. It took me 3 years and lots of interesting twists and turns to get to this point. The message...keep the faith and don't get too discouraged. I know how you feel when you said you had to stop reading the happy news of others...I went through that too but found more support when I stayed on line with the "troops" here.
Cheers

[KyleBruceNelson]

Thanks for that support and advice, I woke up wondering who to be today lol, this isn't quite like the normal issues people run into. Kyle

[Blue Irish Eyes]

Originally Posted by KyleBruceNelson

Thanks for that support and advice, I woke up wondering who to be today lol, this isn't quite like the normal issues people run into. Kyle

I know what you mean..I sort of feel that way too. I refer to my new found wonderful cousin as my cousin. She refers to our other cousins as her cousins. I have a difficult time referring to her mom as my aunt and to the grandparents as my grandparents. I still make ref to them as my bio grandparents. The real twist with my cousin is that she too is an adoptee! We really feel like kindred spirits who have know one another forever. She is just a great gal and I am soooooooooooo happy to know her.

[KyleBruceNelson]

When I read what you went through with not being able to meet your mother, I was reminded of my sister who is 3 years younger than me and also adopted. Her mother was found through a search and her excuse denying contact with my sister was that she was re-married and her husband doesn't agree with adoption! I just couldn't believe that...she could have met her at a mall or something, anywhere...and never told her husband. And it made me angry to see my sister regected knowing that she would never ever be that cold. I feel for you, and I wish I could talk sense into them.

[Blue Irish Eyes]

Originally Posted by KyleBruceNelson

When I read what you went through with not being able to meet your mother, I was reminded of my sister who is 3 years younger than me and also adopted. Her mother was found through a search and her excuse denying contact with my sister was that she was re-married and her husband doesn't agree with adoption! I just couldn't believe that...she could have met her at a mall or something, anywhere...and never told her husband. And it made me angry to see my sister regected knowing that she would never ever be that cold. I feel for you, and I wish I could talk sense into them.

My biomother was nice on the phone and has a lovely voice..she only shared that some have problems with hypertension. She said " You were the result of an assault" and claimed not to know the name of the bfather yet there was a whited out name on the non id info. Makes me wonder what to really believe yet she said she was happy with her life as it is now and she is an old lady...

The info I got from the PI which really had the names of the mother's sisters and the grandparents I set about using genealogy sites to seach on my own. I orderd copies of the obits..found names that way...and then sent for death certificates where the states would allow an other than first degree relative to have a copy. I learned there was more than a little hypertension though the causes of deaths were related to that. Later I did a search on the grandmother just to see what I could fine and learned that way that one of the aunts died and learned the names of two cousins...and it took lots more search and some really astounding luck to locate and meet by phone one of them. She is just the most wonderful gal..warm and sensitive and also an adoptee! What a country!
Through her I have learned more about the family history and when we get time we are going to spend more time talking about things and getting to the bottom of some issues that she too has questions about. It is a start..but the thing people in the search process need to understand is that this searching takes time..sometimes lots of time and I am still searching. I have been at this for 5 years actively. It made a huge difference when I got a computer for without that your world is limited in this process.
There are people out on the threads here that are able to help too..some of us are subscribers to search sites, some just know folks that can help and most of all the gang here is supportive. So enjoy the new feelings, even the confusion about who you are or think you are.
I am an O'Donnell..my adoptive name and proud of it..very proud of it. And I claim my heritage as that as much as what I am finding out about the bio side...I was an O'Donnell all my life and a McK for 4 months....
I wish my biomom would have been willing or able to cope with me but she just couldn't. I don't sit in judgemement of her. I am learning that a lot of what she went through was terribly painful in terms of her family dynamics and it is just too much for her but that doesn't mean she doesn't care.
You will find that your opinions and feelings may go through lots of evolutions as you go forth in this journey and learn more about the history of what happened.
Hang in there...even if the news is bad it is enlightening and you will come out stronger for it, with more understanding of your fellow man.
Cheers!

[newlyorphaned]

Hey Kyle,
I tried to post the other night to let you know I've had to take lots of breaks from the forums but I could'nt post for some reason. There have been days when I just surfed the forums and didn't post cuz I was just too down. Two days before I heard from my second cousion Srchin found her family and I just bowed out. I was happy for her but on the verge of giving up so I just quite posting. I'm grateful that I hung in there and when I got down people supported me to keep up the search. Don't quit 5 minutes before the miricle. I'm in contact with a first cousion and the info comming in is just too weird. My mom had an affair with her brother in law and waa laa! Guess who had a vasctomy in the late 1950's! Wonder why???? He's still living but apparently not a very nice guy. Blue's right enjoy the ride. It's got it's ups and downs but I think living with the unknown is worse. Come to find out my mother's GM raise her because her mom was such a drunk and I appear to be named after her. You know Blue's mom said no, my mom's dead but we've both gotten some of the answers we were searching for and it's been worth every bit of it to me at least. I took the pictures to my amom and brother this w/e and got the confirmation I needed Yep it's her! The department of Social Services is taking their sweet time getting my file to the court house so I'm still waiting to hear on the petition to unseal my records. I'm corresponding with my half aunt, first cousion (maybe sister) and second cousion. I got a new address on my birth half brother and mailed off a letter to him on Thursday. See what happends. At this point I've been given more than I ever dreamed of recieving so I can't complain no matter what happens from here on out. Take some time to let things sink in and go ahead and feel what you feel. Hang in there!

[KyleBruceNelson]

Thanks Newly,
I just got off the phone with the person who put together the non id info, she said that's all there really was to share and that she is very liberal with giving out info. Now I am confused about weather or not my mother waas telling the trutha bout who my father was....she said he was tall, light brown hair, blue eyes..in a band. Thats pretty much it, no nationalities were listed. She had Dark hair and blue eyes. Funny thing is I have BROWN eyes, I'm just wondering how rare that is. I'm going to start payments on the 300 left to find out the identifying info.

[newlyorphaned]

Are you all ready for this!!!!! My half brother called!!!! The one I've been trying to reach for months!!!!!! I wasn't home when he called and he left a message, I got to hear his voice. He said for me to call him back at 8 AM California time in the morning. Won't be sleeping tonight! What an absolute miricle all this is. I can't wait to speak to him. Love to all!

[newlyorphaned]

My half brother called!!!!! I wasn't home but he left a message telling me to call him around 8AM California time! I've listened to the message 3 times I can't believe I heard his voice! Won't be sleeping tonight will I? This is truely a miricle and I want to thank each and every one of you who has supported me on this journey. Will let you know how the call goes. Love to all!

[newlyorphaned]

Kyle/Mark
What state were you born in. I can't believe they are making you pay for non-id info. I was so excited before I didn't notice your newest post. My bmom was married when she had me it appears and the name on my OBC is different from the person she named in the interview with Social Services. it appears that my uncle (by marriage) fits it to a tee. Not a normal conclusion for a daughter to draw about her father but that's what my cousion said! I don't know a lot about genetics but I do know that blue eyes are a recessive gene and Brown is a dominate gene ~ your odds of turning up with brown eyes are greater than they are to be blue. My aunt had blue eyes and my son ended up with blue eyes, my bmomm, bdad and daughter all have brown eyes like me. Apparently there were lots of stories told about us that were not true at the time of our adoptions. Putting the peices together I think my bmom might have tried to pawn me off as her husbands child in the beginning and then wasn't able to live with the guilt. That's probably what I would have done too. It really sucks that we have to go through so much just to know our names and who are parents were dos'nt it? Keep up the HARD work it pays off in the long run. Let me know if I can do anything to help. PS have you adjusted to the idea of the name Mark Alexander yet??? It's really pretty.

[newlyorphaned]

I talked to my brother tonight! We spend about an hour on the phone and he is the greatest! He kept saying "our mom" instead of "my mom." He never received the letters that I sent before and didn't even know about me other than what out sister had told him and he thought she was "exagerating." He kept saying he wanted to see me. He was amazed at how much I looked like OUR Mother and said his wife said that I sounded just like her on the phone! I asked a lot of questions and he gave me lots of info including a line on who my father might be. We agreed to stay in touch. Can you believe it! I'm on cloud nine, after all this time and all the struggle it's finally happened. Best wishes to every one and no matter what DO NOT give up! They told me my turn would come and I did'nt believe it but it's true! Love to all, I would not be sitting here tonight posting this if it wasn't for all the help, ideas, love and support that you have given me over the past 2 years. I pray that each of you will find your families soon.

[KyleBruceNelson]

That news is wonderful, so when are you going to meet him? I feel your happiness.. and you hung in there for 2 years? wow...you deserve this!

[KyleBruceNelson]

I just now noticed this post newly. I kinda like both names! I told my adoptive parents about all this, they are so nice to me...they gave me a name of the attorney that filed the adoption. I have to get off my butt and search. Oh I was born in N.D. but the adoption was finalized in MN. why some states release info and others charge you or keep it from you is rediculous. Now I have to pay 300 more for the identifying info, if I was wealthy I know where my charity would be.

[newlyorphaned]

Amen on the charity. My computer at home is messing up and not showing my posts on here. Checked it from work and it's okay. My brother called again last night and we spoke for a few minutes. I just LOVE the sound of his voice. My sister wrote me a wonderful letter said that she had always prayed that she would get to meet me some day. My mom and other sister's ashes are in storage and there are plans to bury them. Can you believe I will get to be there. Talk about a God deal! Another cousion contacted me via e-mail yesterday. This thing is snow balling! My brother gave me the name of a man he thinks may be my father NOT MY UNCLE THANK GOD. I found his birth listed on vital search and the SSDI is not picking him up. I had this name all along and it never showed up anywhere. I about fell over when he said the name. Not sure what I'm going to do about that I'm pretty busy taking in all the info on my mom right now. This has been beyound my wildest dreams. Good luck with the attorney. Maybe he will have a heart! Best wishes Newly

[KyleBruceNelson]

That's so deep, I bet you have a hard time explaining your joy! Thanks for being there, I have a long way's to go yet!