[helpme0768]

Iam in search of birth faimly and in searching you read a lott of storys about people looking for their bio-familys.I never realized how many lost people was out there until i started my search.What I have come to realized after reading several threads is just how much power a birth mother has.Iam not putting birth mothers down by no means because their options were slim but when you seal the birth records you have not just seald yourself from that child but you sealed all other birth relatives also.Brothers,sisters,grandmothers,grandfathers,au nts,uncles,cousions,ext...I understand when you are adopted you then have anew family but its just not the same.In the back of your mind your always woundering who do i look like?who do i act like?Where did i get this crazy habit from?Questions that will haunt you for the rest of your life.This is a big world to be lost in.I just think it ought to be harder for a mother to seal the birth records,Just as hard as it is for us adopted people to unseal the records.Thanks for listening and i would love to hear your opinions.

[Angelwings2002]

Dindn't have any say in weither or not the records are/were sealed in the past. The court decided for them. When I relinquished my daughter it was a totaly closed placement...did I want it this way...Heavens NO. But the "superiors" saw it "in the best intrests of my child" to do a totaly closed adoption. This was in 1986 when anything other than a closed adoption was just starting to be explored. So was it mine or any other Birthmothers choice to have our childs records sealed??.....NO.

[Decision]

Angel wings is right, Natural families have no rights as far as sealing records,
In some states both Natural mother and adoptee can file for no veto declaration...meaning no contact, but that cannot be filed until the adoptee is of age and as far as I can tell is rarely used.
The more you look into adoption you will find that neither the adoptee or natural mother have rights and that we are all government pawns
Hugs
Melisssa

[RiverGal]

In my experience as a searching birth mother, I disagree. I have no power now, nor did I have any power at the time of the adoption. In my experience (and I can only speak for me) the power lies with the amom. There were promises made...never kept, there were offers made...quickly forgotten, and once to papers were signed, it was over for me when the door slammed.
In 1972, things were much less humane than what they appear to be today.

Mine was a private adoption. Nobody ever spoke to me of "sealed records," and I had no clue what kind of quagmire I'd be wading through all these years later. Beleive me, as you read more and more of these posts you will see how powerless many of us birthparents really are.

Don't be deterred in your search...things are often not what they appear. Good luck!!!

Debra

[patrisha]

Back in my day (1970) BOTH adoptive and birth parents were TOLD how things were going to be done, not asked.

In fact, even though my son and I are reunited, his adoptive mom has passed away, and we have the complete authorization of his adoptive father, WE STILL CAN'T open the records to get a copy of his original birth certificate. Is that pathetic or what?

Many times the excuse of "protecting the privacy" of the birth mother is used. I think the ones that want their privacy invaded far out number the ones that wish to remain anonymous.

Regardless of a birth mother's feelings about developing an on going relationship with their placed child, most would want to know that child survived, and would be willing to provide pertinent medical history. If we had known how many medical conditions are linked to heredity back then, more specifics could have been provided at placement time. I think many of the adoptive parents got just as frustrated. What parent doesn't want any and all access to medical information that could help their child.

Trish

[RiverGal]

How well said, Trish! There is certainly room for some serious reform, especially with medical history.

Deb

[helpme0768]

Iam sorry for affending so many birth parrents!!I can only hope that my birth parents will be as open minded.I realize that laws were different in earlier years I can only go by what iam told.Like i said before Iam not here to put down any birth mother.I think for a mother to put a child up for adoption is brave and For most of them must have been very hard but they did it for the best intrest of the child at the time I understand that and i sympathize with them i really do but not all birth mothers feel that way.I can only hope that my birth mother feels the same way as you all feel. The GA adoption registry told me that the birth mother can put a open concent form in the adoption records giving them permission to cotact them if the child was to ever go looking.Its nice to hear from so many concerned birthmothers.I wish everyone good luck and again iam sorry for affending any one.At least you all have given me somthing positive to for.

[Angelwings2002]

Help me ...
There was no offence taken ..really there wasn't. I don't know IF the other birthmother's did or not but when I placed my daughter I signed a "waiver of confidentiality form". Giving the social service the right to give my daughter if she ever came looking any and ALL info to find me. I knew when I placed I wouldn't want to ever NOT be found. So I took the opportunity to make myself available to her if that scenario ever arose.

Times have changed so much and so has the adoption world what we all thought would never be is now in fact a reality. The Birthmothers from ages past wish we had the options that the new age Birthmothers do...open and honest placements.. there are not too many "secret adoptions" anymore. I am glad the adoption options have moved forward...even though there are still alot of other "issues" that need to be addressed not only for the Birthmothers BUT the Adoptees also. The government needs to stop telling ADULT adoptees what they are/are not entitled to as far as I am concerned....oh there is the bewildered adoptee comming out of me..lol ..Once again ...No Offence was taken by myself and I am sure non of the other Birthmothers took it offensive either.
Good luck in your search..

[RiverGal]

I am not at all offended. You are simply battling with the roller coaster of emotions that we all go through on all sides of the triad. I am furious with the way my adoption was handled by the a family, but that doesn't mean I don't have great love and respect for many of the fine amoms on the forum.

Not to worry!!! You go right on expressing your feelings...that's why we are all here...to offer support to one another and help each other see past the "smoke screens" that have been put in front of many of us.

Deb

[RiverGal]

Oh yeah...I wanted to add that I have no idea what I signed that day in the lawyer's office. I was a 17 year old emotional wreck with no liaison to explain anything to me. The only folks present in the room were the lawyer hired by the a parents, the aparents, my baby, and me...a dumb, broken-hearted kid who believed everything they told me.

Deb

[Rowan]

Hi

Where I come from Adoptees have got much more rights than the birthparents for searching - 'the ball is in the adoptees court' so to speak. Bparents are powerless in most situations about anything to do with their children that were adopted from the moment that adoption occurred onwards.

I have heard that some birthmothers requested/or come to request that they not be contacted - I personally do not approve of this and I think that bparents have a responsiblity to their long lost children to give as much information as possible and meet them or speak to them when contacted.

I also know that some Adoptees do not want contact and/or reject contact, can at least let their birth parents know that they are basically ok and what kind of life they had even if they do not want full contact.


Life is a 2 way street even when there is apparent inequality between the triad at times.

Rowan

[toakes]

Most birthmothers do NOT even want the records sealed, It is beyond our ability to even look ourselfs..EVER
dont you think we would like to look in those files too? I tried, I was told they belong to the adoptive parents, they do not belong to me even if it WAS my son, it no longer is and neither are the files...we hurt about not knowing just as much as the adoptee in most cases

[helpme0768]

You know if i would have just stoped and thought,used my brain some lol,.I was not thinking of the age of some of these parents were at the time of putting their children up for adoption because if i had i would of understood alot more.Thinking back of when i was younger and going through the rough times we all go through I would hate to know that i would have to make a decision that would have affected the rest of my life.There is no telling where my life would be right now.I have made mistakes in my life that i can only think God it hasnt destroyed me.We all face mistakes in our life and they are only mistakes if we let them go unotice.Iam not ashamed of my mistakes it was thoughs mistakes that that i learned from that makes me the person that iam now.I try to teach my kids not to be ashamed of the mistakes they make but instead learn from them.So they wont repeat history.This is a very touchy subject,adoption that is,Everyone has a opnion but everyone situation is different.We are all learning in here and I have just learned more.We are never to old to learn.LOTTS OF LUCK TO ALL!!!!!!

[RiverGal]

We're on the same page here, Help. I have learned so much in the short time I have been on the forum. That being the case, I would say the purpose of "educating" us on the different aspects of adoption is working well!!!

Hang in there!

Deb

[ge2lew]

I am so lost at what to do how to move forward! My mother just told me after 37 years I have a sister she gave up for adoption.....
Records were sealed , I feel stuck! If anyone knows any information on how I can move foward in the search of my sister!?? Please Help me 2!!