[BrandyHagz]

Deb,

Your response was rude and uncalled for.

I hope further comments will be made with a little less brashness.

[debsdone]

I personally didn't find Deb's post rude, just frank. But that is my personal opinion. It probably is because I agree with her. BUT....If we are going to directly address rudeness and personal attacks, how about what was replied to Deb.? Helpme says.......

"I have a spot in my heart for my birth-mom and sorry to say but iam glad its not you!"

I have a rule in my home with my children.....either fight back or "tell" and allow the person in authority to deal with things. You don't get to do both. Why allow this poster to slam Deb PLUS add an administrative scolding? Or are abusive comments allowed in certain circumstances? that sucks. How about some equal scolding? Or maybe allow the posters to occasionally work things out themselves? It seems this poster was able to defend himself fairly well. Sorry, I don't get this. Debi

[BrandyHagz]

I apologize Deb, I thought I had deleted that…she was way out of line with that…beyond even allowing it to stay in place.

Again, my mistake…because I thought I had deleted it.

[andromeda]

I'm an adoptee and birthmother who has also benefitted from knowing 2 sides of the situation. When I found my son, I was very aware of the fact that I knew his name, where he lived and that I was going to call him soon. I felt badly that his life was going to change with my call and there was no way to prepare him for it.

It went very well although he had been in an accident at 16 (he was now 24) and was a quadriplegic. We had 8 gratifying years together until he died ( complications of his accident and $$$ problems) in 1995.

I wouldn't have missed knowing him for anything.

Lynn

[Angelwings2002]

>>slapping BOTH Helpme AND DEBRA's hand<<< NOW PLAY NICE kids ..

[RiverGal]

I apologize for my "brashness," but sometimes mere commiserating seems a disservice to a person who is in pain, as eventually it serves only to validate that things get no better by remaining "victimized." Anyone who has read the thread from the beginning can see that there has been an outpouring of support as well as empathy for Helpme. When Helpme posted that the entire thread had been a waste of time and useless to him, I thought that was not only rude, but a kick in the pants to those of us who had spent time and emotion on trying to help ease his burden...if only through empathy.

Again, I do apologize as I did not mean to be rude---it was more a little tough love. Helpme, where you might not be able to change your circumstances, you can certainly change the way you perceive them. That's all I meant.

Lastly, if (as you say) you have "never asked anyone here to help you," then perhaps you should change your user name...that could be misleading.

Very humbly,

Debra

[BrandyHagz]

Debra,

Thank you very much for the apology, I think that’s very commendable of you to do!

I don’t know if you saw what I posted about, but I apologize also for making this seem one sided, it was not, I assure you.

Again, Thanks!

[RiverGal]

Yes, Brandy...I read it. In spite of his attitude toward me, I do hope that his birth mother is as willing to open her arms to him as I would be if he were my son.

And thanks for stepping in.

Deb

[debsdone]

Deb writes.............


"When Helpme posted that the entire thread had been a waste of time and useless to him, I thought that was not only rude, but a kick in the pants to those of us who had spent time and emotion on trying to help ease his burden...if only through empathy. "

I agree 100%. Debi

[BrandyHagz]

I agree, it was rude, and it also was dealt with.

Two wrongs do not make a right, ever.

[debsdone]

Perhaps I misspoke....I wasn't referring to any squabble between deb and help me. I was speaking for myself as having been insulted by the "out of here" post by helpme. I was under the impression that the admin was addressing what transpired AFTER that post. If I was wrong, I apologize. Debi

[BrandyHagz]

Apology accepted...

[workingclassryan]

i thought this was a spot where we could get answers,support, and just plain vent out frustrasions, not bash each other

[debsdone]

Sometimes our quest for answers causes mis-understandings. I have learned the most valuable lessons on this site after a mis-understanding. Just agreeing with everyone doesn't teach anyone anything, IMO. Sometimes "teaching" is seen as "bashing". that is unfortunate. Learning something you didn't know before is a GOOD thing. Even if that means learning that your words and actions have power to hurt others. Better to learn that here, than to ruin a potential reunion, don't you think? It surely worked for me! I know my reunion wouldn't be as smooth as it is without the hard learned lessons from this site and the people I disagreed with. Getting along? Yeah, I think so. But in a real way, not some phony nonsense. Debi

[workingclassryan]

i agree