[shiatan]

hello. I have a 14 yr old nephew of my husbands that was removed from his mothers custody. We accepted full custody in court for him. he was 12 at the time. he was living in a very unhappy, unhealthy, unsafe environment. His mother and step-father were both drug dealers and his step-father an abusive alcoholic. we have had our ups and downs the past two years. i had him in consuling for a long time and we have provided the best home possible for him. we have two children ourselves 3 and 5. our 14 yr old recently started stealing money from us and just last night stole a bottle of rum from our cabinet. when i found him at his cousins he had the rum and had been drinking. i very seldom ever drink the rum was from new years eve. my husband hasn't drank anything since he was 16. he is now 32. i'm sure what to do? i am really lost. we feel hurt and disappointed. we feel like he has really taken advantage of us and all we've done for him. we don't want him setting this type of example for the other children either.

[lucyjoy]

First, try not to take this personally because it isn't about you. He didn't ask to have his parents to have his life drastically changed. At 14, he could be experimenting, acting under peer pressure, following what his parents taught him, or drowning his past in drugs or alcohol. Dump the liquer out. Never keep it in the house. Find a drug rehab class/program for him to receive drug education and find a way to be able to have him drug test regularly. As for the stealing, make him work it off and pay you back. let him know you love him, but you're disappointed with his choices. Let him know that he has broken your trust and it may be harder for you to allow him to do things.

[DKENDRICK]

If his bfather is an alcoholic then, your son is messing with fire! I am a recovering addict of 2 1/2 years. My whole issue was my adoption. I couldn't deal with everyday activities because I was so depressed. I didn't understand why I was the one given up and two other siblings were able to stay. My addition started just like that! Start now and get him in couseling before it's too late.