[NDN]

I do not yet have teenage children. However, I was a teen not very long ago. I think it is wonderful to see parents that are concentrating on honesty and delaying sexual involvement.

My parents preached (not taught) abstinence...but felt it was unrealistic to actually think that teens could abstain. That attitude definitely manifested itself into my behavior. If they didn't feel that we were capable of controlling our own bodies and urges...why should we feel the need to?

At the age of 14 I became sexually active. My parents found out and promptly placed me on birth control pills. Apparently they thought that a baby would ruin my life...never mind the fact that bc makes a girl 10 times more likely to contract a deadly STD (thanks a lot mom & dad).

In any event...I became pregnant at the age of 15...because I believed that the bc worked. Long story short, my child died pre-birth. This event changed my life and made me more carefully evaluate my sexual relationships. However, it didn't make me understand all the things that I know now.

I just want to acknowledge those that are on the path of having an honest relationship with their teens...and remind others about the importance of this. Teens are capable of abstaining, and they need to understand the importance of it. This can only happen if they have an open honest relationship with their parents. If the parents feel that "they're gonna do it anyway"-they will. They will also have to live with those decisions for the rest of their lives (which could be considerably shortened because of those decisions).

As for what I will tell my sons...I do not lie to my children. They, as preschoolers, know how a baby is born...and I'm sure it won't be long until they ask how they get in there. I answer all their questions with an honest age-appropriate answer. Someday I will have to look into the face of my boys and tell them that they have a sibling that they will never see on this earth because of unwise choices that I made. The thought is humbling...but they deserve to know the truth about what can happen.

Another note: a post mentioned misinformation that is put out there in schools. I don't know what everyone's school system teaches...but in my area, they fail to teach the fact that certain STDs (like HPV--which causes sterility and cancer) are spread with simple genital contact...no condom will protect you from that.

[heartbeat]

Thought it might not hurt to bring this one to the current date.

I don't have children, so I'm the other side of the equation - an adoptee who desperately needed someone to talk to them about drugs, sex & alcohol. I began them in that order at age 15. Due to some circumstances, my a-family was SO alienated from one another at that time, except for mom and dad, they always stuck together. But younger sister and I weren't talking to each other or parents, and older brother had joined the army so he'd have a home when we moved to another state.

I was looking to get rid of feelings, which the chemicals did, and to feel love, acceptance, okay-ness, which the sex didn't.

I wouldn't wish my loss-of-virginity-day on anyone. Emotionally immature, skipping school and hanging out in a huge park in downtown Dallas. Some guy in his 20's approaches me, I don't remember how it was agreed upon, but next thing I know I'm on a mattress on the floor of some house. He did his thing and off we go back to the park. Within an hour, similar events, but I remember less. I didn't care at the time, or if I did I blocked it. The only way I can get in touch with any feelings are by imagining I'm the mother of that 15 year old - I think I'd want to castrate, kill, or both a couple of men.

My folks knew what was going on, not that day, but in general. I know they did - they were told about the drugs by the police and they must have known when I went to juvenile hall a couple of times, and I vaguely remember dad taking me to the ER once for a pregnancy test. I was so humiliated I could have killed him; and mad enough to choose riding in the police car to get there over riding with him.

I don't remember them talking to me. Possibly a token 'you shouldn't be doing that', but more likely a 'what on earth are we going to do with you?'

heartbeat

[imike]

I think avoiding discussion on taboo topics won't be the best ways. When children grown up, curiosity on these issues will be high. If parents don't do their parts to communicate to them regarding all these issues, chances they will seek other alternative ways to find out.
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