[nancynic]

Hi ~

Here are some tips ~

Let kids know you want to understand their perspective and are willing to listen.

Be accessible - kids usually want to talk when it's their idea.

Allow for privacy - don't ask a lot of questions - they will talk to you because they trust you.

Don't take things personally - when they are critical or make generalizations, remember that they have moods and don't always say what is in their hearts.

Answer questions honestly - about sex, drinking and drugs, whatever is on their mind. Don't tell them more than they have asked.

Share yourself, your memories, mistakes and dreams.

Have family meetings to discuss household issues, vacations and having fun together.

Model intimacy - show your affection for them.

Be positive with your feedback.

With each privilege make sure there is a responsibility - let them know a family is a team with each member important and helping out.

Teach decision making and negotiation skills.

Take time to have fun together.

Teach responsibility by having kids earn what they want.

We'd love to hear some examples of how you put these principles into practice, or your tips for parenting pre teens!

Nancy

[sienna]

I teach seventh and eighth grade. I think that your parenting tips for pre-teens is sensational! The only thing that you left out is BE FIRM and follow through with rules and consequences.

[nancynic]

Hi,

Thanks so much for your post! I totally agree ... being firm and kind and following through is SO very important!

all best wishes,
Nancy

[VirginiaStegall]

Nancy:
Thanks for the tips. I pray something or someone will get through to my grandson. He is an 11 yr old who does not seem to respect anything his mother says or does. She is planning on remarrying in April of this year. He does not like his future stepfather. He talks unkind to him and comments about his employment, etc. The future stepfather is a loving, concerned man for my daughter, grandson and my granddaughter who will be 8 in February.
His father lives in Maryland and often visits. He was also fortunate enough to spend Christmas with his dad and two months in the summer.
He is in 6th grade and not performing in school! He was taken for counseling and the counsler said it was due to the parenting skills. Everyone seems to recognize this but, MOM.
How do I reach her, etc. before this marriage. As Dr. Phil would say, "I see a train reck coming".
My grandson is basically a sweet, loving child but, hurting.
I just need to sound off this AM.
Thanks

[nancynic]

Hi,

This is a good place to sound off! and a good place to get some support.

It's difficult for kids to accept a new parent figure ... your grandson wants attention from his mom and knows he is going to have to share her with her new husband. Sometimes kids don't do well in school so they will get attention.

It's great that you are a caring grandmom!

all best wishes,
Nancy

[lady_therese]

Originally Posted by sienna

I teach seventh and eighth grade. I think that your parenting tips for pre-teens is sensational! The only thing that you left out is BE FIRM and follow through with rules and consequences.

I like that advice there. It is important that you show conviction to your kids for them to respect you. Very important....
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