[cdr25]

My daughter is in second grade and sleepovers are the big thing among her classmates. we aren't real big on them for many reasons, but she has one friend that has been begging her to sleepover for weeks as well as the mother asking and our daughter has been asking everyday if she can. the problem is that the family has very different values than we do and i am not comfortable with her staying there - i actually have never even had her go there to play - the girl comes here. how do i explain this to her? she adores this little friend, however, the family is a bit dysfunctional - drugs, teen pregnancy, etc. i have made excuses but am realizing that they are just temporary and the real answer will never change. has anyone had a similar situation...if so how did you handle it?

[Diana H.]

I see no one has replied to this yet, and that's probably because none of us really know how to handle something like this! I've found that I hesitate to invite children over to play if I don't want my children going to their house on a reciprocal visit--especially overnight. Maybe that's not fair to the children, but so far, that's been my avoidance technique! I guess my greatest concern is the drug use in that house, and you might have to be blunt about it if the invitations keep coming. You might get to know the mom over coffee visits until you're comfortable enough to talk with her about it. Eventually, if you continue making excuses, either they will give up or the mom will ask you directly about why you never accept these invitations, and there's your open door to talk about your concerns. Second grade is kind of young still for sleepovers outside of family members, so you might get away with that excuse for awhile longer. Good luck.

[aud61]

Kids can really put you on the spot. It's hard when they like someone and want to do things like that they get so excited. My daughter has had a acouple freinds stay overnite one was really great the other one we found out the day after had head lice!! Talk about panic attack!!! They knew it before she came over talk about mad as a hornet. I don't blame you for not wanting your child around people who are involved with drugs. But even when you think you have covered all your bases you never know. Oh ya the famly that had he head lice asked my daughter to stay at their house we politely said no thank you especially afte itook their girl home and saw the inside of what looked like a really nice house it was disgusting.
aud61

[nancynic]

Hi,

I think it's always a good idea to be honest with our kids, making sure to use language that they understand. If you are 'not big' on sleepovers in general, then can you tell your second grader why? Using simple language is important.

Nancy

[HappyMomAnna]

Oh boy have I delt with this one! After raising a 19 and 20 year old I now have a 1 and 5 yr old and there is NO WAY there will ever be sleep overs in my home or any place else. I don't care how fantastic the family is.
This is the house rule.... My children have been invited to many sleep overs and the way we compromise is that I allow them to attend the party until a specific time at which I pick them up! If that does not work for the people holding the party then my child won't go at all.
We sometimes have very late parties when the kids are older and we take the children to their homes at the time we say we will. The basic law is that "We sleep in our own beds" and this is the rule until you pay rent for your own apartment.
The only exception to this is Scouting and Camp Outs which I view much differently then a sleep over and I generally attend as well.
The fact is even great people have different values. Some parents simply are not as attentive as you are. You do not know where the other children at the party have come from and what they will do behind closed doors. It may create many arguments over the years with your children but on this issue it is better safe then sorry.

[Tate]

Amen! We simply have a family rule: no spending the night at a friend's house. They go to church camp every summer and we'll allow them to attend church lockins. I think this is the safest choice for us as a family. My kids complain at times about this rule but I often hear them tell their friends matter of factly, "our family doesn't do sleepovers."

The first week of summer we set up tents in the yard and have fun "camping". Sometime during Christmas break we'll sleep in sleeping bags in the den in front of a fire. The children love these unusual sleeping arangements and it really promotes family unity.

Just my humble thoughts,
Blessed Momma to Mark 13 & Mike 12 both a. 12/00 Kungur, Russia and Rachel 8 & Anne Marie 6 both a. @ birth USA