[HappyHopefulMommy]

I am hoping this is the forrm that can help me with this . . . 3 months ago we were placed with 3 siblings from foster care. The plan has been adoption from the beginning and the birth parents are already tpr'd. The oldest will be 7 tomorrow. He is in 2nd grade and really struggling. But he is only struggling because he won't do the work. He totally knows how. We have struggled with doing homework since the first day of school. I use to spend 2 - 3 hours a day trying to get him to do 4 pages of homework (but I have 3 other kids). I finally said I would give him one hour a day (if he wanted he could finish in about 30 minutes or less). After that he has to deal with the consequences. At home he obviously gets no TV or play time until his 4 pages a day are done. And if it is turned in incomplete on Fri he gets no TV on the weekend (TV also means computer). And he misses out on our family activity Fri night (it is a reward activity for good behavior). Often it is just movie night in the front room. This week, unfortunately for him it is trick-or-treating. I was really hoping to not have to follow through with that one. But he just does not care. He will sit at the table for hours and NOT touch his homework. Please give me some advice!

[tomdozier]

You need to start by expecting less for the reward, or come up with a more desirable reward. You also need to make sure you are not giving lots of attention for his complaining, and giving little attention for what he is doing right. You appear to be in sort of a power struggle with him, which you can break by making him an offer he can't refuse (well, can't resist). Come up with an immediate and positive reward for doing a little work. Get him started and motivated. There is a DVD called "Eliminating the Homework Wars" that will explain this.

A really good behavioral parenting book, which is what you need, is The Power of Positive Parenting by Glenn I. Latham

Good luck

[katy41]

does he have attachment issues(he needs to control,poor cause and effect thinking),to preserve your relationship would it be worth speaking to the school and see if they could reduse the amount given for a time?relationships during childhood are more important as you can always go back to education later in life........but it's hard to see at the time as we all want whats best for our children and fear for them if they 'fail'. it's taken me years to realise that i cant make them succeed academically(basic learn to read,write,and add up)my expectations werent high lol.that my role instead was to make them feel safe and loved so they want to succeed for themselves.good luck