[CaddoRose]

Here's the story:my 11 yr old called her best friend's cell phone and left a voice mail which the Dad got instead. The message was about how my daughter was uncomfortable about the friend's Mom always talking about body fat and watching what foods you eat, etc when my daughter is at their house. She goes on to say that the Mom is a pain in the neck.

Very bad form and I can't believe she would do that. She is usally the best kid and this is completely unlike her. I think she was having a bad day.

The friend's Mom calls our house and leaves an equally rude message on our answering machine explaining that if my daughter has a problem with conversations about body fat that maybe she has a body imagine problem
and we should do something about it. Her conversations are for her kids because they have various medical issues in their family and she doesn't wnat her kids to get fat. Then she goes on to say that my daughter's comments were just rude and that she could raise her kids the way she wants to and we can rasie ours the way we want to. She further initmated that we must be in approval of the message our daughter left on the phone.

We have known this family for about 7 yrs and our kids spend lots of time together. I think my daughter should apologize for her message.

I'm really at a loss about the reaction of the other Mom. It was as though she had never had a kid complain about anything and the fact that she was so upset about what an 11 yr old said. I can't believe she didn't call and speak to one of us about our daughter's behavior and instead choose to stoop to the level of the 11 yr old. How would you handle this?

[Howdy]

It might not be the right thing, but what I do when one of my daughter's friend's parents turn flakey, is to not let my daughter go to their house anymore. I figure if the other parent can be so childish on the phone, they might say some cruel things to my daughter in person.

Mostly the other parents call up and yell at me, which I consider just as flakey. One of them sent nasty messages to my daughter's MySpace account. It simply amazes me how immature some adults are.

[mrsred]

First off, have you spoken to your daughter about this? My first thought was that your daughter felt uncomfortable because the mom constnatly talking about body fat made her feel that the mom was insinuating that she (your daughter) has too much. I have no idea what your daughter is built like. that being said, I would not want my daughter exposed to someone like that, as that is the type of behavior that can bring on eating disorders.
The woman sounds like an insecure, shallow .... well, can't say that word.
I would not make my daughter apologize.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Your daughter was speaking her mind. Saying that the woman's conversations about body image make her uncomfortable is NOTHING to apologize for. Telling her friend that she thinks her mom is a pain in the neck does require an apology....to the friend. ALL tweens and teens think their own parents and typically all adults are pains in the neck (I've been called worse LOL). It was in bad taste for her to tell her friend this as that IS the girl's mother and she loves her mother regardless of what she acts like.

If you feel your daughter needs to apologize to the parents, make sure she specifically apologizes for the rude remark about her being a pain inthe neck but I think she should reiterate that the conversations about body fat and weight make her uncomfortable.

She has the right to her feelings and should not have to apologize for them. Would you want her to apologize for stopping a boy that was doing something that "made her uncomfortable"? NO. You would tell her to tell the boy so and stand up for herself. No different here.

Once the apology has been done. See how things simmer for awhile. The woman may come back and apologize for her own rude behavior and things may be made right again. If not, I agree with the other posters. My child would not set foot in that woman's house again if she could not be mature enough and find it in herself to apologize for her own rudeness after your daughter has.

Kim

[qs mom]

IMO a child should never have to apolgize for feeling uncomfortable or voicing that they are uncomfortable.

Think of all the other things in this world that can/will make her uncomfortable. If you chastise her now for this, what is she NOT going to voice about later?

Being rude is another issue. That probably deserves an apology. Could a 'meeting' be brought about with the other mom, daughter and your daughter with you? Apologize for the rudeness and discuss the uncomfortable situation.

Constant talk of fatness, body image, food can and does often lead to eating disorders. I have a co-worker who's daughter has been hospitalized since January for anorexia. She is 15 and has been battling this since she was 10. She had a chubby friend who was picked on and who's family kept wanting her on a diet, etc. Hannah didn't want that and stopped eating.

You don't want to go through this. Something like that destroy your child and your family. Your child stating that it makes her uncomforable is actually a very mature attitude. The approach, maybe not so much.